It is an observable fact that God created women to be attracted to “confidence.” Therefore, it would behoove us to understand the aim of a Christian man whose primary goal is to serve God, but has not been gifted with celibacy (1 Cor 7:7).
We know that Satan likes to have cheap knockoffs of what God has ultimately planned for our lives. Self confidence or irrational self confidence, as espoused by “game”, is a poor knockoff of what Christian men are called to in godly masculinity.
Often times, we mistake “confidence” as something that a godly Christian man should have but that is incorrect. If we are to have confidence as Christian men it most definitely is not to be in ourselves.
So let’s explore what that would look like for a godly Christian man.
1. To understand confidence we must go to the Greek used in the New Testament.
There are two Biblical components of confidence that the NT writers use: Parrhesia and Peitho.
παῤῥησία — parrhēsia — par-rhay-see’-ah — G3954 Strong’s
From G3956 (pas) and a derivative of G4483 (Rheo); all out spokenness, that is, frankness, bluntness, publicity; by implication assurance: – bold (X -ly, -ness, -ness of speech), confidence, X freely, X openly, X plainly (-ness).
πείθω — peithō — pi’-tho — G3982 Strong’s
A primary verb; to convince (by argument, true or false); by analogy to pacify or conciliate (by other fair means); reflexively or passively to assent (to evidence or authority), to rely (by inward certainty): – agree, assure, believe, have confidence, be (wax) content, make friend, obey, persuade, trust, yield.
These words is used in many famous verses from the NT namely,
Parrhesia — 31 times in the NT and thrice by Jesus. Once when Jesus said Lazarus was dead.
Once to the discples, John 16:25 “These things I have spoken to you in [f]figurative language; an hour is coming when I will no longer speak to you in [g]figurative language, but will tell you plainly (parrhesia) of the Father.
Once at the trial before the priests, John 18:19 The high priest then questioned Jesus about His disciples, and about His teaching. 20 Jesus answered him, “I have spoken openly (parrhesia) to the world; I always taught in [g]synagogues and in the temple, where all the Jews come together; and I spoke nothing in secret. 21 Why do you question Me? Question those who have heard what I spoke to them; they know what I said.”
Acts 4:13 Now as they observed the confidence (parrhesia) of Peter and John and understood that they were uneducated and untrained men, they were amazed, and began to recognize them [k]as having been with Jesus.
Acts 4:29 And [v]now, Lord, take note of their threats, and grant that Your bond-servants may speak Your word with all confidence (parrhesia), 30 while You extend Your hand to heal, and [w]signs and wonders take place through the name of Your holy [x]servant Jesus.” 31 And when they had prayed, the place where they had gathered together was shaken, and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak the word of God with boldness (parrhesia).
Peitho is used 55 times in the Gospel, thrice by Jesus.
The rich young ruler: Mark 10:24 And the disciples were amazed at his words. But Jesus said to them again,“Children, how difficult it is[b] [for those who trust (peitho) in riches] to enter the kingdom of God! 25 It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God.”
Jesus and Beelzebub: Luke 11:22 But when someone stronger than he attacks him and overpowers him, he takes away from him all his armor on which he had relied (peitho) and distributes his plunder.
Rich man and Lazarus: Luke 16:29 But Abraham *said, ‘They have Moses and the Prophets; let them hear them.’ 30 But he said, ‘No, father Abraham, but if someone goes to them from the dead, they will repent!’ 31 But he said to him, ‘If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be persuaded (peitho) even if someone rises from the dead.’”
Romans 8:38 For I am convinced (peitho) that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Philipians 1:6 For I am confident (peitho) of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.
2. What is interesting about these two words is that they denote the two qualities that should be developed by Christians:
Parrhesia is about a external boldness, especially through the spoken word (rheo), the same word that God used to create the heavens the earth.
Peitho is about an internal confidence, by which we have salvation.
As I discussed heavily in my previous post To game or not to game, we know that out of our hearts come our actions. Therefore, we know that an “internal confidence” must be developed before the “external boldness.”
Thus, Parrhesia is therefore a product of Peitho.
However, Peitho itself is about the confidence we have in God, and we do not have confidence in God except manifested by the fruits of such confidence. Therefore, we know that there must be some fruit of “Peitho” in our lives that allows us to manifest “Parrhesia.”
Can you spot which of the fruits leads is manifested by peitho (internal confidence) in God as contrasted to the definition of confidence from Merrium-Webster. Take a moment before moving on to the next section to think about it.
con·fi·dence noun \ˈkän-fə-dən(t)s, -ˌden(t)s\
1. a feeling or belief that you can do something well or succeed at something
2. a feeling or belief that someone or something is good or has the ability to succeed at something
3. the feeling of being certain that something will happen or that something is true
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
3. If you guessed all of them you would be correct, but the two that stand out the most are the following:
Faith (pistis) as it relates to our soul’s salvation and assurance in God, and His salvation and peace (eirene) as it relates to our emotional state.
πίστις — pistis — pis’-tis — G4102
From G3982 (peitho); persuasion, that is, credence; moral conviction (of religious truth, or the truthfulness of God or a religious teacher), especially reliance upon Christ for salvation; abstractly constancy in such profession; by extension the system of religious (Gospel) truth itself: – assurance, belief, believe, faith, fidelity.
A few things to note. First, pistis is a derivative of peitho which makes obvious sense. We are assured in our faith and salvation. Second, our faith is of a divine persuasion or origin — that is that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us (Rom 5:8). It is He who first called to us to repent and accept the gift so that no one can boast, and as we accept that gift we are recreated in Him to do good works (Eph 2:8-10).
εἰρήνη — eirēnē — i-rah’-nay — G1515
Probably from a primary verb εἴρω eirō (to join); peace (literally or figuratively); by implication prosperity: – one, peace, quietness, rest, + set at one again.
I’ve posted this before in the manosphere, but reading the wiki on eirene is worth understanding the full nature of how the word is used in regard to one of the two overarching emotional states Christians are to have (peace being one and the other being joy):
Peace is the result of resting in a relationship with God. Peace is a tranquility, a state of rest, that comes from seeking after God, or, the opposite of chaos. Peace or eirḗnē is God’s gift of wholeness and derived from eirō, “to join, tie together into a whole”, properly, when all essential parts are joined together as one or as a whole.The word “peace” comes from the Greek word eirene, the Greek equivalent for the Hebrew word shalom, which expresses the idea of wholeness, completeness, or tranquility in the soul that is unaffected by the outward circumstances or pressures. The word eirene strongly suggests the rule of order in place of chaos.
When a person is dominated by peace, he has a calm, inner stability that results in the ability to conduct himself peacefully, even in the midst of circumstances that would normally be very nerve-wracking, traumatic, or upsetting…Rather than allowing the difficulties and pressures of life to break him, a person who is possessed by peace is whole, complete, orderly, stable, and poised for blessing.
Jesus is described as the Prince of Peace, who brings peace to the hearts of those who desire it. He says in John 14:27: “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid”. NKJV The only way to get this peace is to trust in the Jewish God, YHWH, as Isaiah says, “The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace, because he trusts in You”.
“Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the presence of God no matter what the conflict”. -Anonymous
“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ”. “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit”.
When having peace with God through the sacrifice of Jesus, we are then able to make peace between men, and also between men and God, also called “evangelism”. It is understood that those who have peace with God, and are therefore sons of God, will act like their Father in heaven and become those who are able to make peace, or be peace makers, as Jesus says, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God” and “If God were your Father, you would love Me, for I proceeded forth and have come from God, for I have not even come on My own initiative, but He sent Me”. So by saying this, Jesus is stating that only those who have received peace with God through Himself, the “sons of God”, are able to make peace, no one else. These sons of God are specified by John when he says, “None of those who are children of God continue to sin, for God’s very nature is in them; and because God is their Father, they cannot continue to sin”. Paul also says, “Never pay back evil for evil. Take thought for what is right in the sight of all men”. Peace, in the Bible, is much more than just a lack of yelling or lack of war, it is the presence of YHWH allowed into a place and a person. Only with the Jewish God is there peace, as Isaiah writes, “‘There is no peace,’ says the Lord, ‘for the wicked.'” Jesus is the Jewish God, and He is alive.
Now, we can see why irrational self confidence, as espoused by “game” is a poor knockoff of what eirene is to a Christian man striving for godly masculinity.
The very fact in knowing that we are whole in Christ, with or without a woman, should be reflected in our character and our words. Nothing turns off a woman faster than neediness, and if you need a woman to make you whole, then you are not walking in the perfect peace of your salvation which is God.
The greatest commandment.
Deuteronomy 6:5 “You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.
Matthew 22:35 One of them, [n]a lawyer, asked Him a question, testing Him, 36 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” 37 And He said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the great and [o]foremost commandment. 39 The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets.”
Mark 12:30 and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.’
Luke 10:27 And he answered, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.”
I find it interesting there is a passage difference between Matthew, Mark and Luke. Mark and Luke include strength there, but it is not present in Deuteronomy or Matthew. There’s commentary on this here — http://www.studylight.org/ls/ds/index.cgi?a=520 — though I’m only going to discuss 3 at the moment.
The pulpit commentary suggests:
- Heart; which among the Hebrews was considered to be the seat of the understanding, is here considered as the home of the affections and the seat of the will.
- Soul; the living powers, the animal life.
- Mind; διαμοίᾳ, intellectual powers. These are to be the seat and abode of the love enjoined.
And these mesh well with what we have learned about in this post about our confidence in Christ.
- In our hearts, we have eirene, the peace of God which is a wholeness with Him.
- In our souls, we have peitho/pistis, the faith and assurance of salvation from God.
- In our minds/might, we have parrhesia, the intellectual understanding that leads to an external boldness of which we can freely speak to others because of God.
As a Christian man speaking to my brothers in Christ, I would encourage you not to look to develop the “self confidence” that the world loves and that is an illusion of attractiveness, but to love God with all of your heart, soul, and mind/might. This is the confidence that we are called to in Christ that will be attractive to Christian women.
1 Corinthians 13:11 When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.
Throw away confidence as a childish thing.
Instead, walk in the peace/wholeness of God in your life, grow in your faith and assurance of your salvation, and speak boldly of the things God is working on in your life and the lives of others. This fullness in Him is what God has intended for His all humans, and this is what is attractive to another facet of His creation (women).