Moving along the lines of what Donalgraeme is looking for in evaluating potential wife prospects, this is how I do it. You’ll probably notice many similarities, although we have some preference differences depending on our missions in life.
His big 4 list was:
- Chastity/Sexual History
- Religious Devotion
Some other factors for consideration are femininity, temperament, personality type, cooking, cleaning, mothering, submissiveness, intelligence/curiosity, earning capacity, initiative/entrepreneurial spirit, etc.
The main underlying theme is how she will be a helpmeet in his life.
I am looking for the same thing in regard to a helpmeet to assist me in my mission in life, though I hold some things more important than others. Personally, I used to have 10+ point list, but as I’ve grown over the past year I’ve parsed it down into 6 major categories that I look for when evaluating a woman.
- Evidence of a relationship with God — daily Scripture, prayer, meditation, and service in the Church or community. A heart that is seeking after God and is fruitful in it with her actions.
- Evidence of cultivated godly femininity — long hair, dresses modest, wears dresses and skirts, smiles often, enthusiastic, kind, gentle, humble, preferably knows how to keep a home and cook, etc.
- Evidence of chastity in attitude and deed — Christian men and women are called to this prior to marriage, and I’m uninterested in having to deal with the drama that surrounds a woman that has had previous intimacy with other men. I’d readily consider a low N-count woman who has shown though her actions and attitude that she has repented (and not just feels bad about what she did) over a virgin Christian woman who has done everything but sex.
- Evidence of attraction/chemistry — I work in the medical and fitness industries, and it is important for me to have a wife who is a good ambassador for Christ in how she looks. I’ve dated women before who don’t care about good nutrition and exercise, and it never ends well because this is an integral part of my life. A woman who strives to be attractive even though it takes work is going to be a better ambassador for Christ than one who gives in to sloth and gluttony. This goes both ways as my potential wife should be attracted to me too.
- Evidence of a willingness for family prioritization — God willing I hope to have many children (3-5+) and am looking to home school them. I don’t care if my wife has a career, but she should be willing to lay it aside for her family. Age is not a primarily consideration for me, but since I want to have many children younger is better.
- Evidence of submissiveness, especially to God — This pretty much sums up a Biblical marriage in that it encompasses the 3 major roles that a wife is called to: a helpmeet, with submission, and with respect. I tell women that my God given mission will put me in uncomfortable discussions and challenges, and if she’s coming along with me then it will be more of the same. If you’re not growing in your heart, mind, soul, and strength for Christ then what are you doing?
The reason why I started off each of the categories above with “evidence” is because I can’t mind read, so all I have to go off of from women is what they do in their actions. Words are essentially meaningless with women. It’s all about what they do that matters. Thus, evidence of their good fruits or bad fruits is important to look for in their lives. Discernment is important.
There’s other minor points of consideration that may be folded into a lot of these above points, but this encompasses the vast majority of what I’m looking for in a potential wife.
All of the above points are areas that godly Christian women should be striving for anyway. The fact that there are not many women who want to walk in the above areas is disheartening but such is the society we live in. I can only pray that God can change the hearts and minds of those who are willing to seek Him.