As I stated in life is transactional, the most important resource that all Christians have is our time. What do we do with our time is the most important thing that we do on this earth. Are we using that time for godly purposes or are we using it for naught?
Consider that if an average life is 75 years that means we only have 27,393 days on this earth. However, if you consider that most of the men that will eventually marry will marry before 40, then you only have 14609 days. Then if you look at the actual potential of when you have the availability to meet and marry a wife, for most men it will be from 20-40 years of age or 20 years which is only 73o4 days.
If you parse that down into men in the manosphere who are already in their late 20s or early 30s and previously floundering Christian nice guys, you may find that we have about 3652 days. But when you look at the time we spend on our days — 8 hours of those days we sleep, and 8 hours of the day we work and potentially more spent on commuting, food, and exercise — so you really only have about 1/4 of that time or 913 days or 2.5 years to find a wife.
My point in breaking down the numbers is definitely not to discourage, but instead to show you that you shouldn’t waste your greatest resource.
One of the biggest ways Christian nice guys get abused is for their time.
When a woman asks them to do X or Y or Z, Christian nice guys will almost inevitably say yes.
Now, there’s nothing wrong with this because helping out your brothers and sisters in Christ is indeed good, BUT you must realize that if you do you’re doing it out of charity (agape). Never expect anything back from it.
There becomes a point where you will be abused for your time. If you continually accept you should know that your help with almost always be abused because you’ll become that “guy” that all women go to for help.
There are certain circumstances in which you should NEVER accept.
- If a woman has a husband or boyfriend who can do the task she asked you then you should never accept. Even if she says he is busy she should still not be asking you. It is the husbands duty to find someone else to help if she has a problem, and the husband should not be asking you to help his wife either. That’s what family is for, or asking the church itself. They’re almost always just going to be abusing your time as a nice guy.
- If a woman wants to talk about emotions — especially after a break up, or an attractive guy they are talking to — they are just using you as an emotional tampon. Yes, gross. Never accept.
- Likewise, if a woman comes to you about any issues she is having with men and working things out with him just don’t do it. She should be talking to the man in question instead — not you or her girlfriends.
- If a woman in a ministry asks for your help, and you know you aren’t called to that ministry. Just say no.
- A Christian woman (non family) asks you for money, housing, or any type of other big deal. If they have an issue, they should take it through the church first. Most churches have some type of thing where they can help those in need.
These are just some examples, so if you can think of any other instances where you’re being abused for your time where it’s not right for you to be there you need ot step out.
It’s important not to allow your time, money, or other resources to be abused by women who are looking for help in places where they should not be asking for it.
You should have your own mission from God that you need to put your time, money, and resources into instead. You are not a helpmeet to some other Christian woman, especially a Christian woman to whom you are not married.