In God doesn’t owe you anything, I discussed how mindset is the #1 limiting factor of Christian nice guys. They place women on the pedestal over God, and thus their additional time goes into pleasing women over pleasing God.
In context, the PUAs have codified categories of responses to fitness tests show us what type of mindset not to have when interacting with women. For example, there are many types of quintessential no-win questions that women ask men:
- Does this dress make my butt look big?
- Do you notice anything different about me?
- Do you think I’m putting on weight?
- Did you like ____? (especially when she already has an opinion on it herself).
Any type of question where she is searching for you to validate her concerns and/or agree with her are almost always fitness tests, especially when you can tell she is invested or getting emotional about it.
Thus, the PUAs codified four major categories of responses that these fall into which are:
- Agree and amplify
- Misinterpret (joke, compliment)
Examples of the above categories with the questions above are:
- An agree an amplify response would be something such as “yep, your butt is so huge it fills up this whole room!”
- An ignore response changes the subject to a related topic or non-related topic. “What do you think of this dress?” or “what do you think of my clothes?”
- A misinterpretive response can take two forms which are close to synonymous synonymous — joke, sarcasm, and compliments. For instance, if she say “Does this dress make my butt look big?” and you say “yes” then she may respond with “wow, that’s rude” in which case you can respond with “wow, thanks for the compliment” or “wow, no one has ever said such nice things to me before.”
- A reframe response basically tosses the accusation or statement back on her, often with another question or statement. If she says “Does this dress make my butt look big?” then you would say “What would you do if I say it does? (with a wink or smirk).
The key point behind the codification techniques is to be able to easily pull up a response. But that doesn’t teach most men about how to think about the situation and build the proper mindset when interacting with women.
If you think about all of the responses above, the key point that runs through all of them is that you’re not taking the woman too seriously.
When nice guys validate the concerns of a woman or agree with her what does that say to her in her mind? Who are the other people that often express concern for her and agree with her?
That’s right: other women.
When you validate a woman’s concerns and agree with her you are basically being a friendly woman to her. You are not a man to her but only a friendly woman. That’s why she is not attracted to you, and another reason why nice guys are boring and uninteresting. You’re only telling her what her other girl friends tell her. That’s the logical conclusion, and no doubt for most men will absolutely shatter their world view.
The reason why men today fall into this trap of thinking like women is that we are told by feminism, society, and even churches that men and women are the same except for their ding dongs and vajayjays.
Thus, the mindset that men must learn to take on is that women are different. God created men and women differently. Who would’ve thought.
In fact, it is almost always better look for points to disagree with women because breaking rapport is the key to developing attraction in women.
Any time that as a Christian man you think a woman is trying to use you for validation of her emotions, words, or actions you should never take her seriously. That’s not something you should be giving her because it is selfish of her to ask you in the first place.
For instance, if a woman comes up to you asking you if some clothing makes her look good. If she has a husband or boyfriend she’s abusing your time for validation as a nice guy as I discussed here. Even if she doesn’t, she has other women she can talk to if she wants to discuss the merits of getting compliments for her clothes.
But it is an almost irresistable temptation for women to seek validation from men. Why else do so many women dress up? It’s definitely not for other women or themselves, even though they may keep saying it is. They like the validation and compliments they receive from men. Christian women are no different from non-Christian women in this regard. The validation they should seek is from God — His joy and peace in their lives.
You as a Christian man should not be validating her choice of clothes on her terms because that is self seeking, although it may seem innocuous. However, what she is actually doing is fishing for compliments. No one likes someone who is fishing for compliments, yet men give the compliments all the time anyway.
When you respond seriously to a woman’s selfish need for validation you are only pushing her further away from God. It is the antithesis of being a loving brother in Christ.
This is the type of mindset that Christian nice guys need to internalize. You aren’t here on this earth to validate women and agree with them. You are here on this earth because God has put you here to carry out your mission with your time, money, and resources.
To note if you are going to give a compliment do it on your terms. Without her having mentioned it first. That way it’s genuine, and it doesn’t validate her.