To accurately carry out a mission there needs to be a deep understanding of what the actual mission is. This seems to be a big problem in the Christian manosphere because there are a lot of particular views on what the mission is to be.
The mission of the men who desire a wife or have a wife:
Genesis 3:18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper [o]suitable for him.”
Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church [q]in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body. 31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself,
Colossian 3:19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them.
1 Peter 3:7 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with [c]someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
1 Corinthians 7:Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. 3 The husband must [a]fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and [b]come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 But this I say by way of concession, not of command.
[…]12 But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not [f]divorce her
1 Corinthians 11:3 But I want you to understand that [a]Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of [b]Christ.
The first distinction that must be made is there is no “get of out obligations” free card. What you see is what you get. The same is true for wives as well.
Just because a wife is rebellious does not give a man permission to:
- To not love her by washing her with the water of the Word (teach and show her Christ-likeness from the Scriptures through your words and actions)
- To not love her by not treating her as his own body (violence; though if a couple agrees on domestic discipline that’s up to them and God).
- Not lead (or be the head),
- Become embittered toward her,
- Deny sexual relations,
- To not be understanding/considerate to her
- Even if she is an unbeliever, BUT she is willing to live with you then you must not divorce her.
Her submission is not dependent on you leading. It is independent. You must do to which you are called regardless of what she is doing.
This is what being a Christian means. Even if all forsake you and turn to their own ways, you must still strive to follow God’s commands. That’s what Jesus did for us on the cross. That’s His command to us: love one another as I have loved you.
It may be hard. It may be difficult. But that’s when the transforming power of God works in your life, and shows others the love of God.
The second point is to realize that EVEN IF you do what God has called you, your wife still may not respect you or submit to you and she may even divorce you.
This should not deter you from what is righteous. Again, we are called to do these commands irrespective of what we think that the wife or any others should be doing. Our call is from God, not from ourselves, wives, or others. A husband should not be asking his wife “how can I make this marriage better for you?” or “how can I lead you better?” or “how can I be more romantic so that you will have more sex with me?” or “how do you think I can better serve God?” which puts her up on a false pedestal.
God directly tells us in Scripture what to do above; you should not be asking her for direction. You should ask her for opinion regarding decisions you will make, but not for confirmation on what you should do. If you are asking her for confirmation or direction then she is leading the relationship, and you are the helpmeet. This is unbiblical.
The correct mindset is this: I care about you and want to lead you, but if you don’t follow where I’m going with my mission from God then I am not responsible for your actions and the resulting consequences. Your unhappiness is your own.
If you don’t know what you mission is in terms of career, service in the church, outreach and/or missions, hobbies, or whatever else then you had better start praying about what God wants you to do. Not ask your wife.
For the single Christian men: This is why vetting a woman who is willing to be led is so important.