I occasionally puruse the TRP reddit. Most of the focus of TRP is focused toward casual sex and to never marry, so it has very limited applicability. However, there are things to be learned from there occasionally.
One of the things that comes up is that “relationships” for a red pill aware man is playing life on hard mode. It’s an apt analogy, and one that should be shared with any Christian man who wants to be in a relationship.
In fact, the essence of Christianity is like playing the game on hardcore mode. There are no extra lives, and there are no take backs. What you see is what you get, and if your marriage ends up failing then there is no re-do button. Reality is much like this. This is why it is important to be mindful of the decisions you make, yet not to live in fear. There’s a balance.
This is why as a Christian I have never been against “taking the red pill” in terms of having it open up your eyes to the reality around you. Hosea 4 is particular is apt in describing what happens to Christians who ignore the truth of reality, especially verse 6:
Hosea 4:6 My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge. Because you have rejected knowledge, I also will reject you from being My priest. Since you have forgotten the law of your God, I also will forget your children.
If you read through the entirety of Hosea, it is playing out in reality today as churchianity — Israel turned away from God to false idols and prostituted themselves before them, and likewise the church is doing the same today. The exceedingly sad part is that pastors call what they are doing good.
Going back to the red pill, there is limited utility in using “game” for what to learn for building a healthy marriage.
First and foremost, the fact that the mission of a Christian man who desires marriage and family is different from that of the players and PUAs. It even seems harder for Christians who desire to be married than non-Christians who desire to be married. A married non-Christian can be a man who exhibits dark triad traits and is selfish and women will love him for it. On the other hand, we are also called to think not just of ourselves but to love others as Jesus loved us. This may seem hard, but we know in reality it is not. As Jesus says in Matthew:
Matthew 11:28 “Come to Me, all [a]who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For My yoke is [b]easy and My burden is light.”
The reason why it seems hard is that it seems like our options are limited. Instead of having the options to be selfish and selfless as a non-Christian, we only have the option to be selfless as a Christian. However, this is not the case.
I explained in the fundamental nature of Christianity that instead of having our options limited, we actually have freedom from our free will. As Roman 8 says, we are set free from the law of sin and death by receiving Christ. And with Christ, we become completed so that we have the fullness of His life.
The “limiting” of options is actually freedom from the things of this world. And that allows us to anchor our emotions and anchor our souls to Him, and by the same measure anchor our mind and strength to as well.
We are promised in this life that it will be hard by Jesus. This is the nature of overcoming the flesh and instead walking by the Spirit. In this way, we can think of the Christian walk to be life on hard mode. But understand that the freedom we have in Christ will allow him to be a strength in our weakness. As Paul said about his thorn,
2 Corinthians 12:7 Because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to [b]torment me—to keep me from exalting myself! 8 Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. 9 And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast [c]about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. 10 Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with [d]insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.
Yes, marriage is hard mode for Christians, but we have God to assist us during hard mode. He allows us to overcome our struggle with the flesh.
Mind set and hard mode
As I explained in discerning the mission, the difference is all in the mindset.
We each have our own strength and weaknesses as men (see: my analysis of parable of the talents). We know that some men are more intelligent. We know that some men are better looking. We know that some men have a gift for conversation. We know that some men have leadership qualities. We know that some men build muscle easily. We know that some men are born into riches. We know that some men are born into status. There’s a lot of differences between all men, and that’s how God created us. That’s the nature of life.
Do I despise my fellow Christian men who just get it and are successful with women?
No, because I understand that God created them with that gift. They will each have their own struggles that they have to deal with even if it’s not women.
When you resent naturals for being gifted with women you resent God for giving them the that natural aptitude. You also place a premium and importance on women, which means you are setting women up on a pedestal.
It’s a fair criticism to say that you may not be able to learn as much from naturals because they cannot adequately explain the behaviors which make them successful. But, on the other hand, naturals exhibit behaviors with women even though they may not understand why. In that line of thinking we know that God has given us the ability to think critically about behaviors to see what works and what doesn’t. At the very least we have an example.
For most men the correct mindset is forged both through guidance and experience. This was previously passed down from fathers to sons in a society that was conducive to it. But that does not happen anymore. The fact that there is very little of the Christians in the world is disheartening, and similarly there is not much on the manosphere either. But we are working to change that.
It is going to be a difficult journey to learn how to be a Christian masculine man of God. Changing mindset and behaviors is difficult. But we know that God is strength in our weakness. We know that He will help us on hard mode. We seek daily be transformed for His glory.
Carol Dweck’s two mindsets illustrate this beautifully, though it’s not from a Christian perspective.
God has said the world is not deterministic, and He has given us free will to change. God created us to grow in the richness of a relationship with Him and with others. So change for His glory.
Note: if you can’t see the image here is an alternative.