To truly understand what is happening in both secular society, the church, and the manosphere I’ve decided on visual representations.
To illustrate this we need to see the dichotomy of:
- The Masculine versus the Feminine
- The Spirit versus the flesh
Here is a graphical representation:
On this sample chart, I threw out some names of who may be “representative” of particular maximizations of each. Obviously, Jesus and David are excellent examples of men who walked with God and were masculine, while Satan is the devil and the tempter. On the other hand, we have femininity of women of the Bible who were commended by God such as Sarah and Mary, and on the other hand you have Jezebel and feminism which are intimately tied together.
Now, feminism isn’t exactly clear cut because we know that it pushes women to be more masculine and men to be more feminine. So feminism could potentially be androgynous where the evil/dark triad words are. But that’s for another debate.
This next chart depicts what is happening in society:
We know that as feminism pushes women to become more career oriented, independent and aggressive, and it pushes them to obey their feelings and have casual sex. They are pushed towards the lusts of the flesh (to the left) and to be more masculine (to the top).
The PUAs/players figured out that they needed to be more masculine than the “masculine hedonistic women” to be attractive to them. Through field reports they codified different methods of counteracting the B-shield masculinity of women to pass shit / fitness tests. Thus, PUAs and players indulged their hedonistic tendencies (to the left) and were able to become more masculine (to the top).
Since the masculine attracts the feminine and vice versa, the higher you are towards masculinity the more easily you will attract the feminine below you. This is one of the examples of why effeminate men look up to PUAs and players. They see them as above themselves in the hierarchy and assume it is because they are jerks and assholes as opposed to the masculine behavior. They don’t know they can act masculine but not have the jerk and asshole connected to it. Both feminine and masculine women look up to them as well.
Feminism seeks to masculinze women (to the top) and feminize men (to the bottom) to create a more androgynous society. I would even say that 3rd wave feminism may indeed seek to make women into men and men into women taking it to to the extreme.
Now let’s discuss what is happening in the church.
Although JoJ is “pro-game” and Donal, Chad, FN, and I are “anti-game” we have the same goal. In reality, we may even just be caught up in semantics on what “game” is and what constitutes a “toolbox.”
Our main goal is this — to build Christian (to the right) masculine (to the top) men that are walking to what God has called them to do including a wife if that’s in his mission.
Unfortunately, the church has taken cues from society and pushes women into careers and away from marriage — don’t marry too early, get a career before marrying, wear casual clothes instead of feminine clothes, etc. — but is still “trying” to push them towards God. This results in women following the red arrow path where they become more masculine (to the top) but also seeking towards God (to the right).
However, the church also feminizes men telling them to be nice, to lead without power, to practice servant leadership (aka serve the wife), cater to women, put women on pedestals, men bad/woman good, and all other sorts of lies. This results in men become more effeminate (to the bottom) yet still seeking after God (to the right).
Unfortunately, when men become more feminine than women, the women are not attracted to them at all. The more effeminate and nice a man is and the bigger disparity between them, the more likely a man is to get a nuclear rejection if he asks a woman out.
On the other hand, the only examples of masculinity that these Christian women see that are attractive to them are PUAs and players. These Christian women see that is going to lead them in a wrong direction (to the left), but they may go along with it anyway since attraction! There aren’t enough masculine Christian men, and/or they are too masculine themselves.
Now, here’s where we’re headed with vector plot representation:
The red component represents becoming more masculine. This is composed of two variables:
- Unlearning feminine behaviors and mindsets (this drops off the negative component).
- Learning masculine behaviors and mindsets (this adds a positive component).
Game knowledge and implementation is excellent for learning what not to do as a man (e.g. unlearning feminine behaviors and mindsets). Some examples would be don’t treat her as an equal, don’t take her too seriously, don’t put her on a pedestal, don’t seek validation or be needy, etc.
Game as knowledge and implementation is both excellent and poor for learning what to do as a man (e.g. learning masculine behaviors and mindsets). This is because some behaviors and mindsets such as thinking only of yourself and how to get what you want from women using any type of coarse language and sexual temptation are not of God. However, there is some utility in learning some behaviors and mindsets that do indeed line up with the Scriptures such as becoming a more effective communicator, working out, eating right, etc. that I discussed in Self improvement versus God improvement.
While PUAs and players may filter their world view through the GREEN which is of the lusts of the flesh and self satisfaction/happiness, Christians must instead filter their world view through the BLUE which is Scriptures, prayer, meditation, fasting, agapao love, and the fruits of the Spirit.
The main thing that Donal, Chad, and I have been harping on in the past month or so is the importance of developing the BLUE component over the RED component. Without first the pursuit of righteousness, any other thing is worthless.
This isn’t to say that the pursuit of righteousness is attractive because it’s not, but the things you may do to pursue righteousness such as leading a small group may be attractive because of the leadership and status components.
I know that JoJ agrees with this particular sentiment because when we talked he specifically said to me that you need to be spending as much time on the Scriptures, prayer, etc and more devoted to God than you do on women. Likewise, a man must first develop a heart that seeks after God then after on development on the attributes of masculinity. We are on the same page even if we are on the opposite sides of the “game debate.”
The main reason why it is important to understand that the godly component comes first is because actions are never neutral (either up, down, right, or left). Actions are always on a diagonal. This is because we do not operate in a moral vacuum.
As a player, all your actions from your heart are self seeking — How can I be happier (even at the expense of others though it may be nice if others benefit)?
But as a Christian, all your actions from your heart need to be selfless — How can I act that brings both myself and others closer to God?
Update: see role reversal for how masculinity ties into respect, and femininity ties into love:
I really hate arguing the game debates because they are fruitless. We are on the same page as long as you:
- Have a heart for God and the things He desires, and
- Walk towards being an Christian masculine man
The fact that God created masculinity to be attracted to femininity and vice versa is something that we all need to recognize. The PUAs and players do not have a stranglehold on what it means to be masculine. It is the masculinity in evil actions to which women are tempted, but if you can act masculine in good actions then that is also attractive to women. Leadership in teaching a Bible study, or in the worship band, or preaching are all good examples.
The point now is how do we cultivate a masculinity in men that is worthy of who God has called us to be. That is the main purpose of this blog.
Game knowledge and analysis is one good way to do that, but it must fit in a framework of what is good. If that is a “toolbox” to some then so be it.
The Scriptures are obviously another. The Bible is rife with examples of how not to act as men interacting with women. There are also really good examples of how to act masculine from Jesus, the patriarchs, and the prophets.
We are called to be in the world but not of the world. It is possible to be a Christian masculine man of God and to find a wife through it, and I look forward to walking this journey with any that are willing.