Begging and pleading is unattractive to both men and women. It shows that you know you’ve done something wrong, and are trying to make up for it. Pleading and begging also do not show that you have grown in the nature of humility and kindness in your life from the fruits of the Spirit to which God has called us.
The reality is that we do things wrong and can’t make up for it. That’s why we need Jesus as a Savior. We need His grace and mercy as sinners because we cannot do enough good works to make up for our sin, and we cannot be religious enough to make up for our sin. We love because He first loved us.
Coming from a standpoint of humility and kindness tells a man (or woman) that you’ve made mistakes, and you know that there’s nothing you can do to make it up. This is a component of two actions:
- You tell them that you have made a mistake, and
- That you are apologizing for your actions.
An optional component is to say that you would like to reconcile but you understand if they refuse.
Matthew 6 (NASB)
9 “Pray, then, in this way: ‘Our Father who is in heaven, Hallowed be Your name. 10 ‘Your kingdom come. Your will be done, On earth as it is in heaven. 11 ‘Give us this day [e]our daily bread. 12 ‘And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. 13 ‘And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from [f]evil. [g][For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.’]
The reason why we ask forgiveness from God is that we know that we can ask God and He will give it. This is because it is written in His Scriptures that He offers it as a free gift to us through His Son Jesus.
However, we as humans should not ask for forgiveness from others. We must understand that forgiveness is freely given. This is not guaranteed from other humans. We know intuitively that if a person is going to forgive us they will let us know usually through their words or actions. We don’t want to cajole them or coerce them into forgiving us. They must do so of their own free will.
This is one of the more difficult things to understand and perform in relationships both romatically and with other people:
We want to be able to make up for the mistakes that we have done either advertently or inadvertently. But thinking that we can make up for our mistakes to others is self serving. It is an attempt to assauge a guilty conscience. It is not of God and should be eliminated.
We are humans that make errors, and all we can do is note those errors and apologize. This is full realization of the grace and mercy that God has afforded to us, and the grace and mercy that we should grant to others. Forgiveness is from the offended, not the offender.
This is also one of the flaws of Christian nice guys and Christian nice girls. In relationships they make mistakes and either beg or plead for forgiveness. As I stated before this is unattractive. Most people instinctively know, but could not put it into words, that begging and pleading is more for the guilty party that it is for them — the one who was actually wronged. Because of this, begging and pleading for forgiveness from others is almost a surefire way for them to start to resent you.
There are both Christians and non-Christians who will continue to bring up your mistakes after you apologize. Don’t continue to apologize for your mistakes. Your word is your word as a Christian. This is the time where Romans 12:18 “If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.” is very applicable:
“I made a mistake and apologize. I understand that I hurt you, and that you may not forgive me. There is nothing I can do to make it up. But if you are willing I want to reconcile.”
Therefore, when you make mistakes you should admit them and apologize with humility. Never beg and never plead. And respond in a manner worthy of Christ.