I discussed in previous articles about how women tend to socialize by validating each others opinions. That’s why they have such a herd mentality and why they are easily influenced to move in a similar direction as a group.
However, men tend to socialize on an entirely different wavelength. What men say and do to their friends is equivalent to mock insulting each other, ribbing each other, teasing each other, and giving each other sh*t for everything and anything.
Thus, we have these two axioms:
- The tendency of women’s socialization is to agree with each other and validate each other.
- The tendency of men’s socialization is to be critical, challenging, ribbing, teasing, and mock insulting of each other.
This is masculine behavior. We are men, and we are not afraid to challenge each other to be better men through some good natured ball busting. When you see something that looks like weakness, insecurity, or misbehavior in your friend, you will ream your friend out for it. That is how one becomes a man in this world; he is able to overcome challenges set before him, especially spurred on by other men.
Women are attracted to this masculine behavior, and it’s one of the reasons why they want into men exclusive spaces. As much as being validated makes a woman feel good temporarily, a woman being challenged to stay on her toes by teasing, mock insulting, ribbing, and him giving her sh*t for her words and actions is much more “fun” and “interesting.”
You can tell who the “men” are from the “nice guys” in that the men are not afraid to display this type of behavior to women. “Nice guys” are boring and uninteresting because they haven’t been taught that they should display this behavior not just to their male friends but also to females. This is why when men hide their masculinity from women like this they become boring and uninteresting.
It’s not so much that a man is a “jerk” or “asshole” in the sense of the words. It’s that a man is able to show a woman his masculinity without holding back. Nice guys are men who are able to show their masculinity to other men but hide their masculinity from women.
As I explained in Understanding Attraction, men tend to instinctively know that they should rise to another man’s handshake with a firm squeeze. Likewise, a man should show a woman that he can squeeze her handshake or that he can squeeze back against her firm handshake. He can criticize her when he sees that she is on the wrong path, he can call her out on behavior, he can disagree with her, he isn’t there to agree with her views, etc. A man is supposed to be able to overcome challenges from other men, which is all the more reason why he shouldn’t back down from challenges from women.
This is the tangible aspect of men that is attractive to women. To women this behavior is flirting and attractive because of it’s inherent masculinity, and you will be able to help her grow as a woman in the Lord if used correctly.
When Christian nice guys put a woman on a pedestal, they are placing her above criticism, challenges, ribbing, teasing, and mock insulting. Thus, the Christian nice guys is unable to show that woman his masculine side, and she becomes bored and uninterested by him because he falls into the trap of being like other women. Additionally, when a man places a Christian woman above criticism, he is unable to effectively accomplish the goal of bringing both himself and his girlfriend/wife closer to God.
This is the change in mindset that Christian men must have. We know almost instinctively as men that our challenge to other men will drive them on to be better men, but we must also learn that our challenge to women will also drive them on to be better women.
Men don’t become better men when they are validated nor do women become better women when they are validated. They stagnate and become complacent. The biggest example is feminism and the immense validation of women that it provides. We see the fruits of feminism in women with overall gains in unhappiness, obesity, poor self esteem, entitlement, decreased femininity, etc. Only negative fruits have come out of feminism.
Jesus said to judge by their fruits, and feminism comes up wanting.
Masculinity drives men to be better men and women to be better women. This is what civilization is built on, and why “patriarchy” builds civilization. Therefore, don’t be afraid as a man to be critical, challenging, ribbing, teasing, and mock insulting to women just like you would be to other men.