Methods of exchange

One of the things I like is the variability of ways you can actually respond to women that fit within your personality.

For example, in Cane Caldo’s recent post, one of the commentors Oscar writes,

I’ve seen a meme bouncing around Face Book that says, “When a woman tells you ‘do what you want’, DO NOT DO WHAT YOU WANT.” A Christian married friend of mine wrote, “I’ve been married long enough to know that ‘do what you want’ means ‘you better figure out what I want you to do and do that.’”

He’s right. And – guess what? – that’s a lie.

But he also explains why women lie incessantly – because men let them get away with it. Because most men – most Christian men, who should know better – don’t have the stones to look a woman in the eye and say, “You just lied to me, and that is unacceptable”.

I do. And my wife doesn’t do those things anymore.

This is an effective way to call out a wife on her sinful behavior.

On the other hand, I tend to prefer the method of teaching that revolves around actions and consequences and exposing manipulation as such. Thus, I responded in this manner,

The better thing is to actually do what you want and then when she complains about it then tell her in an amused voice,

“you’re upset at me because you lied to me? You better get your act together and apologize to God and me for lying.”

And then ignore any bad behavior and don’t let it affect you until she apologizes. Then tell her “Don’t do it again.”

Calling her out right away while effectively doesn’t teach her a lesson, especially because women pull this stunt on other men and women all the time. It takes consequences for most people to learn not to do things.

I said “better” because that’s what I would prefer, but it’s not actually “better” because we would end up with the same result. It’s just variability in our personalities that lends towards different methods of instruction to set a wife back on a godly track.

edit: Cane posted up how he would handle the situation which is different from both of ours, so this is even another alternative about how you can go about things:

Personally, I went through both the tactics you and DS prescribe, but what I find the best answer is: “Ok, I will hold you to it. Now, you’ve got work to do. Get busy.” If she doesn’t actually have work to do I will make some up, but if you have kids then there’s always work for a wife to do.

Bad attitudes and braying are ignored as long as the work is being done, and done well. “Thou shalt not muzzle the ox as it treads out the grain.”, and, “If you love me, keep my commandments.” The bad attitudes can be addressed later, if need be, but many times the work exorcises them. In the meantime, I model joyful work; not letting her bad attitude determine whether I crack jokes, smile, or enjoy her.

For example, my method would probably involve more “drama” because the payoff is delayed quite a bit, but it will drive home the point further to a woman that if she tries to manipulate then it is her that is sinning and that she is angry for no reason. This fits my overarching personality in that I’m usually laid back in how I interact with women, but when they force an issue I will drive it home to the hilt.

On the other hand, Oscar’s method involves much less drama, but still calls out a woman on her behavior. This may be preferable for a man who may not have as much patience with women (or one who knows he is quicker to anger), and doesn’t like to have as much drama in his life.

edit: Cane’s responses is yet another way you can handle the situation which forces the drama away from you and onto her to work it out. It is taking her at her word which is straight from the Bible.

Each man has a different framework from which he operates in his masculinity, so if you don’t know how you would describe yourself it would be a good idea to sit down and figure out the overall themes within your personality. This then allows you to cater your interactions with both men and women towards your personality as everyone is going to be slightly different.

If you need a hint, going back to the socialization of men and women and figure out how you interact with your male friends and then see how that can apply to women. Most men act normally with their male friends, but their interactions with women are more clouded.

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