One of the things that stood out to me in JoJ’s post on inner game: respect, is the nature of what we would call masculinity.
As you may recall, in understanding the world and the mission, we had this chart that seems to represent how God created masculinity and femininity:
The connection that I had yet to make is the notion of respect and love for the husbands and wives respectively in the Scriptures. Ephesians 5 is the oft quoted passage, so let’s take a look:
Ephesians 5 (NASB)
22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church [q]in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body. 31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she [r]respects her husband.
I’ve already discussed the nature of love and respect, but I haven’t talked about how that relates to masculinity and femininity yet. Obviously, God created men to be masculine and women to be feminine, so connecting the dots we can see that the masculine needs respect and the feminine needs love. These are what is commanded from each spouse to the other in Scripture.
Therefore, our adjusted graph with Christians on it looks like this:
As you can see above, the masculinity is defined by respect, and the femininity is defined by love.
The title of this post is “role reversal” so let’s examine Christian nice guys and Christian women in the context of churchianity.
Christian nice guys
- The pedestalization of women which means they place her above him. He is placing her in a position of respect. She abhors him for this.
- Christian nice guys say they want a woman to love them for who he is. Love is something that women desire not men.
- Want every to think good of them = want everyone to love them.
- Validate women by giving them compliments or affirming their world view. They do it out of a false sense of love hoping they’ll reciprocate, or they have been deluded by the church to think that it is “love.”
There are more, but this proves the point.
Christian (e.g. churchian) women (deluded by feminism)
- Think they need to have a degree and career before men will like them. They think they need to be respected by men to love them.
- Think their accomplisments will attract men to them. Again, they think they need to be respected by men to love them.
- Demand “equality” which is the same as demanding respect (which doesn’t work).
- Think first about how their feelings (are hurt) in response to things that offend them. They others to respected for their feelings.
Likewise, there are more, but this proves the point.
Fitness testing and role reversal
Remember, in Christian masculinity, mindset, and fitness testing, where I discussed how validating a woman’s concerns and/or agreeing with her was tantamount to making you being another woman to her. This plays into the respect/love equation as well.
For example, take some of the most common fitness tests:
- Did you miss me?
- You never listen to me.
- When was the last time you let me do X because other guys let their girlfriends do it?
The interesting thing about these questions is that they demand respect, but the intent behind it is that they are fishing for love. If a woman says “you never listen to me” she is demanding that you respect her by listening to her, but what she really wants is for you to show her love.
When you “fail” a fitness test, you agree that her concerns are valid. You are respecting her assertion that you actually don’t listen to her enough. And consequently, she absolutely will hate because she doesn’t want you to respect her but love her.
When you “pass” a fitness test like this, you do not validate her concerns for her demand of respect. By not doing this, you’re implicitly showing her that you love her because you’re in control, and someone in control is to be respected.
This is why wives who are submitted to their husbands have a reduction in the amount of fitness testing. They already respect their men, so they don’t attempt to fish for love by demanding you respect her.
This is the irony of fitness testing. When a woman attempts to make an assertion through words, it is always going to be about demanding respect or questioning her respect for you. That’s why fitness testing has non-serious answers. You can only show love through actions, or denying/accepting respect where respect is due (passing fitness tests).
The right roles and reverse fitness testing
Perhaps unironically is that the same phrases that are fitness tests from women work well as teasing/flirting from men. Take the three examples above and rephrase them from a masculine point of view:
- Did you miss me?
- You never listen to me.
- When was the last time you let me do X because other girls let their boyfriends do it?
If you use these phrases in a joking/teasing/flirting manner you can gauge the amount of respect that a woman has for you.
For instance, if you say to a woman jokingly with a grin “did you miss me?” if she does respect you she will almost always smile and say yes back or she will tease you back about it. If she does not respect you then she will usually say no and start to close off her body language.
Basically, you’re jokingly demanding respect from her and if she acquiesces or teases you back about it then you know she has respect for you. If she closes herself off from you then you know that she does not respect you.
- Masculinity is about growing into a man that can be respected, and femininity is about growing into a woman that can be loved.
- Feminism is evil because it pushes men to want to be loved and feminine, and women to want to be respected and masculine. These are contrary to God’s creation.
- Fitness testing is about a woman wanting to be loved but demanding respect which is why they should not be taken seriously. By not taking them seriously, you implicitly show her that you are still in control which means she will feel loved.
- Reverse fitness testing women is a way to gauge their interest in you and start to learn how to flirt and tease them if you don’t know how to do that. Remember, that learning how to flirt and tease women is essential for a masculine man that desires a wife because that is how you will ultimately speak the truth in love to her.