There have been some recent discussions regarding unity around the ‘sphere initiated I believe by Donalgraeme’s Picky, Picky and Free Northerner’s Female Fornication Fallacy and then followed up on various posts such as Ballista’s keys post, something for nothing, and a few other private posts. and peripherally questioning understanding at Donal’s.
This has made for some heavy thinking on my end simply because the direction of this blog is in some ways misguided.
What I mean by that is many of the concepts that I have “branded” here as masculinity are generally Christian concepts about conquering your fears, implementing good habits, etc. while only the things in regard to learning about how men should interact with women are really specifically about masculinity in particular.
This is why I haven’t been posting as much because I want to decide how to take what I have currently and refocus it again like I did in Clarity of Purpose about a month and half ago. This may take a couple more days to figure out on my end, aside from being swamped with other work including taxes.
The emphasis on the above blog posts have been on unity as opposed to differentiation in terms of the body of Christ. Very understandable. We aren’t here to fight each other as brothers and sisters in Christ but to live in unity.
I’ve discussed before in Husbands win their wives with words and Wives will never win their husbands with words about how the preferred method of men communicating is through actions while the preferred method of women communicating is words.
When you read through the rest of the secular manosphere, there is the undercurrent of selfishness and therefore manipulation. The question becomes how can a man assert mental dominance over a woman so that she will become attracted to me. Typically, this is performed first through words in the form of teasing/flirting and then through actions in seduction.
Obviously, if you take cues from the secular manosphere it is very easy to get into the thought process of us versus them or males versus females when it was not that way from the beginning.
This is why I have been very careful in my some the more practical posts such as Leave her better than how you found her, please, and Christian nice guys are abused, about not setting such as mentality of division but rather the opposite.
However, I realize that it is very difficult for many men to differentiate wanting to be a general overall giver and how to set proper boundaries. Most men, ingrained with feminism, tend to end up being nice guys who are people pleasers and pushovers rather than being men.
It’s not so much the things that they do for others that is the problem, but it is the way in which they do it and the mentality they have because of it.
This is why my refocus must be extremely deliberate because I want to not only teach the right mindset but also the right actions surrounding particular instances. For instance, I fully realize that most everything I say on this blog is a generality and there are exceptions.
I’ll pray about it
If you’re a self professed nice guy and you don’t know how to adequately maintain boundaries I would suggest using the phrase above when others, especially women, ask you for help.
“I’ll pray about it.” Then actually pray about it over the next few days.
The goal here is not to be super spiritual, although you will inevitable helping your relationship with God by praying about it. Neither is the goal here to get other Christians off your back from requesting too much of you though it will help do that.
The goal here is to get in the habit of not acquiescing to all of the requests set before you. No one can do all of the things asked of them by anyone. It is important to use your time wisely in order to do what God wants you to do.
This is asserting a boundary here that God is important above all else to you, and inevitably you will start to believe it as you walk it out. The people may be asking about favors or request may be anyone:
- The pastor asking for a favor. Tell him you’ll pray about it.
- A husband is asking you to help him with something. Tell him you’ll pray about it.
- A deacon wants you to help out in a ministry. Tell him you’ll pray about it.
- A single woman wants you to help her move. Tell her you’ll pray about it.
- A married woman wants help with a project. Tell her you’ll pray about it.
In some of the cases above, you know that the answer will immediately be no. In fact, you can say no instead of praying about it. But it is always good to pray about it anyway, even if you know you’re going to say no or even if you’re going to say yes.
Point being that you shouldn’t be doing something for a woman because you like her or want to help her. You should be doing something because God wants you to do it. Likewise, you shouldn’t be doing something because your pastor wants you to do it. Rather, you should be serving in the church because God wants you to do it. It is important to know how God wants you to spend your time.
This requires faith and requires an ear to listen to what God wants you to do. Likewise, there is ample support in the Scriptures for praying about everything.
If you’re just learning about how to set proper boundaries or having trouble setting boundaries in your walk with Christ, this is a good start.
Good advice. One of the things I was going to get into if I can get into my “Dominant vs. Submissive frame” post that I mentioned I was thinking through is this issue on the tail end of this post. The key in doing things for a woman is to put it in the realm of grace – in other words, I don’t have to serve you, but I want to do this for you. Back to the graph I posted on my blog representing 1 Cor 11:3, as a man I’m only a servant to God, not to my wife. To make myself her servant is to sin against the Lord.
Attitude is key, as if you adopt the submissive frame towards it, you become her mere servant, which is far from what was intended in Biblical marriage. To take the model from Christ and the Church, Christ is *far* from the Church’s mere servant – the fact that marriage has been so warped as it has from His vision is an affront to Him simply in this way, nevermind all the other changes that have been made in Marriage 2.0.
That’s the most common way of thinking about it, but it applies to other men and women too…you can do things for them out of grace, but it comes in attitude. Or as I said on another blog post, know “whose you are”…who you are supposed to be serving.
“Freely you have received; freely give.”
Freely being the key word.
Unfortunately, nice guys give because they feel obligated or they feel required. It takes the right mindset to undo, but it makes all the difference.
I did this today actually.
Alice’s father apparently wasn’t aware of my intentions to be ‘more than friends’. He told her he didn’t want us to pursue anything, because of the eight year age difference and because he wants her to finish school first.
I told her this was unacceptable to me, gave her a few reasons why being friends was a poor choice, and told her I’d need time to think and to pray, to see how, or even if I want to, proceed by either talking to her or to her father.
Already I can feel the difference, a few hours later. You gain perspectives and wisdom, to better see what God wills.
Some form of prayer is always a part of the solution for any Christian
Oh, I should also note I made it very, VERY clear I expected her not to rebel, telling her that if she did she wasn’t the type of future wife I’d desire.
Just in case anyone worry I wasn’t putting a foot down on all involved and foreseen difficulties
Chad, you said:
“He told her he didn’t want us to pursue anything, because of the eight year age difference and because he wants her to finish school first. I told her this was unacceptable to me, gave her a few reasons why being friends was a poor choice, and told her I’d need time to think and to pray, to see how, or even if I want to, proceed by either talking to her or to her father.”
You have a good bet there; she is obeying her father and has conveyed her father’s wishes to you. Looks like a keeper to me.
On the whole “I’ll pray about it” issue:
I have frequently been told “I will pray about it” by many people. I usually only ask for help when I am feeling particularly overwhelmed and snowed under by a lot of things….then I hear the “I will pray about it”, leave for a bit to try to get my bearings back, then take a deep breath and do it myself — the good about this that is a great gift is that each woman who is told “I’ll pray about it” learns to find deep, untapped wells of strength she didn’t know she had. It’s not always easy to keep from breaking down under those circumstances because I am usually extremely tired and juggling a lot of things….if you feel like you’re going to lose it, the best thing to do is say fine, okay, then go someplace private where you can break down and pour out to God.
You go to the Lord and tell Him you are tired and cannot go on. He injects in you that bit to get over the hump and finish all the jobs…and all is well.
DS, you mentioned:
““Freely you have received; freely give.”
Freely being the key word.
Unfortunately, nice guys give because they feel obligated or they feel required. It takes the right mindset to undo, but it makes all the difference.”
Most women give because they feel obligated and required also. We are commanded to give and serve or they are being disobedient. We must serve our husbands and obey their commands whether we want to or not. I learned an easy way to do this. Bishop Fulton Sheen gave a wonderful talk on the subject of love; as we are commanded to love all people, we obviously do not always like them. Fortunately, we are obligated to love, not like. To love is an action of the will and intellect, and it is in wishing the best for the other, wanting their eternal salvation ultimately. Liking is an action of the emotions and we will seldom always like one another.
Another person also said:
“…as a man I’m only a servant to God, not to my wife. To make myself her servant is to sin against the Lord.”
This is how I learned to be quiet. I learned through this teaching that God will supply all my needs and that I can always go to Him and tell Him what I need. I remember one day I sat at the kitchen table with the mess from dinner, a screaming toddler who needed to be put to bed ASAP, and a pile of math books that all needed attention. It was a Monday night in the fall; hence Monday night football. I sat at the table and didn’t know what to do first, then finally grabbed the toddler to get him bathed. I got everybody to bed, then I made a big pot of coffee, tackled the dishes, cleaned up the kitchen and floor, then sat with the math books to correct all the papers — and realize that someone had been making a consistent mistake all day long (arrghh). Finally got to bed around two and got up at five to get started…..that was a day in which I first was filled with turmoil, and finally it ended with a sense of accomplishment; I had made it and I hadn’t annoyed my husband as much as I was sorely tempted to. I had kept my mouth shut. I don’t always succeed, but when I do, I know I made it.
My husband is nine years older than me. Certain people and temperaments are more comfortable with people older than they. I never felt really comfortable around anybody my own age; I liked them as friends, but didn’t look upon them as potential spouse material. My friends in general tended to be older or younger than me anyway.
On the practical side, there is the possibility of widowhood at a young age. One has to be wiling to accept that possibility. A good friend suffered the loss of her husband very suddenly three years ago, in the midst of her pregnancy with baby #12. He was only 47. He had life insurance, good savings and good investments, he had kept her informed about everything, and she has not had to return to full time work as of yet because he provided against that possibility, at least until all the children are in school (they attend the small parish school). As the wife of a financial planner, I am very familiar with a lot of these scenarios as he deals with it more than he’d care to — widows who call him up and had no idea what the finances looked like until it was too late and they had to make all the decisions themselves. Never a good idea. So, obviously, given my husband’s family history of stroke and aneurysms, I knew going in that nothing is guaranteed. You do everything within your power — exercise, diet, frequenting the Sacraments, etc. — and leave the rest to Divine providence. So far, so good.
Worrying about something like that only gives you wrinkles. Gals, if you are reading this and are fretting over that, don’t. If you love him, marry him. And guys, it’ll give your wife peace of mind if you keep her in the loop regarding insurance and investments. Then she’ll have everything she needs to seamlessly take over in the event that she must do so.
Oops on previous comment. I inserted a misfit sentence into paragraph #2. My friend who is widowed was, and I am also in our situation, fully informed as to what was around in the way of assets and what we needed/need to do. I realized I had not made that clear. My husband does frequently have to help widows who never did know what they had, and sometimes these ladies discover debt they didn’t know they were in, or that there isn’t enough to pay off the house, etc. That is always really hard to handle. That’s why honesty in these matters is very important.
I just saw that clicking on my name leads to a mega-Bible study page. That is not my page. It was misspelled, and the correct one is momintheshoe.blogspot.com. Sorry about that.
@ Mom in the Shoe
Well, considering how I got my formatting wrong and somehow misspelled Chad’s name, I will hold off any criticism on account of that. Pot calling the kettle black, and all that.
And sound advice about financial planning in the family and keeping the wife up to date. That makes a great deal of sense to me. Even aside from death- temporary incapacity is always a potential issue. Or prolonged absence.
“Another person also said:
“…as a man I’m only a servant to God, not to my wife. To make myself her servant is to sin against the Lord.”
This is how I learned to be quiet. I learned through this teaching that God will supply all my needs and that I can always go to Him and tell Him what I need. I remember one day I sat at the kitchen table with the mess from dinner, a screaming toddler who needed to be put to bed ASAP, and a pile of math books that all needed attention. It was a Monday night in the fall; hence Monday night football. I sat at the table and didn’t know what to do first, then finally grabbed the toddler to get him bathed. I got everybody to bed, then I made a big pot of coffee, tackled the dishes, cleaned up the kitchen and floor, then sat with the math books to correct all the papers — and realize that someone had been making a consistent mistake all day long (arrghh). Finally got to bed around two and got up at five to get started…..that was a day in which I first was filled with turmoil, and finally it ended with a sense of accomplishment; I had made it and I hadn’t annoyed my husband as much as I was sorely tempted to. I had kept my mouth shut. I don’t always succeed, but when I do, I know I made it.”
I have two things, first as to only being a servant to God and not to wife. If the commenter meant that he is not to relate to his wife like she’s his master in that he puts her before his duties to God then he is correct.
However, if he meant it like you seemed to think he meant it, meaning it was ok for your husband to watch Monday Night Football while you were overwhelmed with work and it took until 2 am to get it all done, then that is a wrong understanding of the husband / wife relationship. It is not a boss/servant relationship, it is two Christian people living out the gospel right within their own family in how they relate to one another. Your husband is to steward his family in Christlike love and yes if that means giving up leisure time to watch football so he can help his wife finish the household tasks so she can get to bed at a decent hour, then that is what Christ is calling him to do. Yes, God supplies all our needs and he has supplied you with a husband who has been entrusted with a grave responsibility for those under his care and protection. To let a wife get only three hours sleep and expect that she is going to be able to function well the next day and homeschool his children is bad stewardship. As his wife, it’s not wrong to call him to help you. It’s actually wrong to let him sink further into the sin of selfishness and to let him fail in his responsibility towards his family. He has to get to heaven too and answer before God for his actions. To be in submission to your husband means “to go where he goes” as far as guiding the family through life in both secular and spiritual matters. You cooperate with his vision and plan and help it come to fruition. That’s it Of course when bringing our needs to our husbands, we will do it with grace and gentleness and not boss or nag. As a steward of the family though, he should be checking on everyone’s evening activities and deciding if the workload for his wife is too burdensome and if he thinks she needs rest, then he should decide to either insist she leave it for the next day and get to bed or help her finish it. She shouldn’t have to bring it to him.
I’m sure your husband is a wonderful man but in this case, the way your seem to be understanding his role as head of the family and yours to him, is in a way that is more burdensome than God ever meant it to be.
I believe Deep Strength has covered this before, but that kind of thinking is natural for a woman. For a man, however, our natural inclination is to assume all is well until someone reports otherwise. We don’t have the natural mindset of going around making sure everything is running at tip-top shape. Otherwise stated, we don’t “hover,” that is a female behavior.
Which isn’t to say that it isn’t necessarily a bad thing to do, only that it isn’t something we think we should be doing. All of which goes to show the importance of good lines of communication.
@DG “For a man, however, our natural inclination is to assume all is well until someone reports otherwise. We don’t have the natural mindset of going around making sure everything is running at tip-top shape. Otherwise stated, we don’t “hover,” that is a female behavior. ”
No, i”m not buying it. When a family is under your care and protection then you have a responsibility to oversee it and be aware of what’s going on despite any natural inclinations. To assume everything is ok until a problem is presented is a passive stance. As the steward, he would have the active responsibility. Yes, his wife should have said something IF he settled down to watch the game and took no notice of the workload. The worst part is that he went to bed knowing his wife was still working and seemingly gave it not a second thought. Before I go on, I want to make it clear that I’m not saying this husband is a bad husband all around. This may have been a rare occurrence. I know nothing about him. I’m really speaking to these erroneous ideas about what submission is.
It’s this one point I see over and over with a lot of wives who are trying to be submissive in that they think they can’t speak to their husbands about not being attentive to what’s going on. The whole “win your husband without a word” Scripture is wrongly interpreted as well. It doesn’t mean what it seems to mean. Chrysostom’s translation is explained as, If the husband obeys not THE WORD, meaning the teaching that was taught in church, then the wife can win him WITHOUT THE WORD at church, meaning by her own chaste conversation at home. Some translations read “a word” and it seems to mean that she is not to speak to him and only show him by example. What it really means is to be a good example so that when you do speak , your words will have weight. Women have full freedom in the gospel to all the things every Christian is called to do and marriage, rather than restricting that in certain ways because of the head/submission thing as some would believe, it would instead require she be even more diligent because of sharing one flesh with her husband.
I think the one problem you’re running into, over several comments on different threads, is a set of issues Women have problems dealing with:
When dealing with Men (especially a Husband), you need *Introspection* and *Honesty*. It’s a constant, repetitive theme. Let me explain.
In the case of Monday Night Football, we don’t know the context behind what happened after the game was finished. Nor the context of *his* day up to that point. It’s the height of arrogance to ignore the reality that 10+ hour days will drain a Man beyond most reason. There’s a reason Doctors always needed Wives. Long days do not make for managing much by the end of them. It isn’t a Sin to be exhausted and unable to think.
The flip-side is that “Shoe” (I’ll call her that for now) took things too far. She is still fully responsible Soul: both for her physical & spiritual lives. She needed to go to her Husband in humility and ask for help. You know, in the way the Church is supposed to humbly ask of the Lord. The Lord, and most Husbands, are normally quite willing to help: when you don’t demand it of them.
And that’s the rub. If a Wife needs help, she’s more than free to ask for it. The Manner & Intention, however, means a whole lot more than anyone wants to talk about. This is also why a lot of Christians feel like God is treating them terribly: they’re treating God like He is Santa Claus. That isn’t how it works.
Hi, Your comment is completely valid. That’s why I said “Before I go on, I want to make it clear that I’m not saying this husband is a bad husband all around. This may have been a rare occurrence. I know nothing about him. I’m really speaking to these erroneous ideas about what submission is.”
I said the above because I was going into a whole thing covering other circumstances etc but it would have been too long and all those things are beside the point of Scripture being misinterpreted as to what submission actually demands and also forgetting the counterbalance of the husband’s role to love her like Christ loves the Church. However, 10+ plus hour days aside, given that this mom’s days seem to start at 5:00am, she has six children, some are homeschooled, and runs a small home business, she also was obviously drained beyond reason. The two of them tackling the work together would have been what Christian marriage demanded in this situation.
Like I said, I see over and over wives thinking that submission means they are to be silent and to assume that if their husband wants to watch football and they have a situation like she did above, that they are not allowed to speak a word about it or ask for help because it would be “bothering” him. All I’m saying her husband should have done was check in with her. It’s his role and duty as head. “What’s left to do for the night?” “What are you doing this evening?” ….and as exhausted as he might have been, when he saw the workload that would last into the wee hours of the morning, he should have pushed on and helped her. That’s the demand Christ makes. If the husband serves Christ, what other demand do you think Christ would make in this situation?
Speaking to the flip – side, and I’ve done this myself, is that if the wife has knowledge that he’s had a string of overly demanding days, she can choose to answer when he asks about the work, ‘Oh, I have a good bit to do but nothing I can’t handle myself. You’ve been really busy lately. Go watch football and relax for awhile.” This would be the demand Christ makes of her in this instance. However, if this isn’t the case, she shouldn’t think that because of submission she can’t ask for or be honest when he asks, about the reality of the workload.
As for introspection and honesty, I am being honest and I have been introspective about this. My point wasn’t all the extenuating circumstances around this particular situation. I know there could be many. My point was ONLY about the overall misunderstanding I’ve seen wives have about what submission entails and forgetting what their husband’s role entails toward them. Love in marriage always demands we look toward and do good toward our beloved. This whole issue of “silence and not asking for help” or “the head shouldn’t have to check in that all is well” leads to damaged marriages from built up resentment. He should have asked before he sat down to watch football and if he didn’t, she should have felt free to nicely present the situation and ask for help. Headship/submission doesn’t restrict communication. It should help it flow more easily for both. They are to act as one united body. That’s marriage.
“we don’t know the context behind what happened after the game was finished. Nor the context of *his* day up to that point. It’s the height of arrogance to ignore the reality that 10+ hour days will drain a Man beyond most reason.”
This is why these things happen. Pretty much all Catholic marriage books written in prior days admonish the wives to be quiet, have dinner on time when he walks in the door, and the rest of the evening you are to be a quiet helpmeet leaving him alone. No problem there, it’s just that most of these books were written in earlier times when neighborhoods were safer (kids could play stickball outside on the street), schools were still somewhat decent institutions of learning, and the single income family was the norm instead of the exception. The job description of the traditional Catholic husband has essentially remained the same — breadwinner with fulltime job, coach at Little League or wherever in the evenings, and the authority of his wife and children. The job description of the traditional Catholic wife has been altered considerably — she is still the caregiver, cook, baker, cleaner, seamstress, laundress, chauffer of children to their classes and activities, and all the other everyday details that make up her role, but to that has been added the sole provider of a university prep education for her children and part-time job holder (whether self employed or out of the house employed). It has complicated the husband/wife relationship considerably.
This is so multi-faceted and has so many aspects. I can’t clog up DS’s blog with all the things I could say about it, it is a long history with so many players, I think I will write a post on my own blog in this regard. I wrote some other articles and I’ll link them also.
Anonymous, I can see that you’re a very devout woman, and an example to women everywhere. I do not say this to flatter you, because I understand your inherent deception. Although you’re obviously very sinful, you have “maxed-out,” as it were, female piety. Unless this is a trick. I hope you are not lying.
I am wondering what the catch is? Perhaps you are a little too fat along the love handles, enough to pinch between my thumb and forefinger. Perhaps the makeup you wear fails to flatter your face and enhances its imperfections. It’s possible that you rebel against fully engaging yourself when love-making to your husband. My mother was often at fault for this, as I learned through my father. I promised him that I would not fall into the same pattern of mistake.
During the Advent season, our local perish hosts a living advent calendar. I frequently participate by filling the roles, which change by the week. I have filled the roles of Jesus, Herod, a Wiseman, one bugling Jew, one Old Testament prophet, and Saint Linus. (I was Lucifer as a child: some humor.) Our first week always begins with our topmost display: a young woman, no older than 18, is adorned in gold jewelry from head to toe. She bows at the feet of Jesus, or myself, the living statue, and she, the Virgin Church.
It was quite unfortunate. The model used this year was the most luscious representation of purity I’d yet seen. A young one of merely sixteen with braided hair, a slender neck, and a flushed complexion. As Vice President of the Interactive Advent Calendar Committee, I had proposed a modification to the program, which passed almost unanimously: she was to kiss the feet of Jesus. A perfect marriage between Christ and His Betrothed.
On paper, my plan was innocuous enough… until I was intoxicated by the pungency of the incense of worship, represented by our performance. I was immediately struck with a zealousness, such as I had never before known. For a moment, I had a vision of all things Church and God. This persisted long into the night, long into my dreams. This was a Vision of the Perfect Marriage.
I was most dismayed to find out that this young lady who so eloquently played her role was dating a young man in high school. I do not believe him the appropriate age to begin a courtship. A mere boy of sixteen knows nothing about the world that us men struggle to live in. Him and I sat down with a beer and talked about things, and although I had convinced him by the end that he had not yet come into his manhood, that he was merely a boy, that there was of yet much maturing of the body, mind, and spirit that was wont to take place inside of him, I am sad to report what little he did to mend the error of his ways. I carry upon me the burden of great concern for the younger generation. This is of little relevance, but the beer was ordered by himself, a Pabst Blue Ribbon. My commentary here is “I’m glad it was free. Melvin dislikes ‘liquid Fruitloops.'” A joke. It has a quite similar taste to what I would imagine a liquid Fruitloop or similar liquid cereal to have. As they say, those children like Fruitloops!
So, I seek now to fill a vision. I seek now to find the Enigma that wraps Herself around me, the perfect Union of Christ and His Bride. I also wish to live this out in my marriage. This is not done by selfish ambition, but out of duty to my father.
I wonder, Anonymous, if you could recommend to me a potential bride. What I’m interested in is a virgin, young, silent and obedient. Someone who wishes to find favor in my eyes. I understand that you may fear the wrath of your husband, but do not be alarmed. Do not fear men, but Fear your Lord. You may address me “Mel,” if you prefer. I will be waiting for you. firstname.lastname@example.org
I apologize, sir, for interjecting my personal desires a bit too hastily. I realize we have not yet made introduction. This is quite an inconvenient position I find myself in, but I hope no offense be taken.
Some time ago I wrote a blog post that touched a little on this subject. It may not be very welcome here, but I’ll go ahead and present it regardless. Take it or leave it as you choose. If you value blunt truth, then you will value blunt truth that is not always comfortable for you:
MSM – There’s someone who’s gone off the deep end right there.
Mrs. C, I was thinking the same thing. Sarcasm is never effective and is only insulting. Prayers for MSM whoever he is….he needs them.
With all due respect Mrs. C., you either didn’t read what I said or ignored it. I never said that a man shouldn’t be taking an active stance. I only stated it isn’t our natural inclination. Our natural inclination is to be passive like that (at least, it is the case for most men). Yes, this is a problem. This is why we need to be disciplined growing up to be diligent and thoughtful and aware of our surroundings. Just like women need to be taught and raised to be good mothers, so too men need to be taught and raised to be good fathers. And being a good steward is part of that. Much of this involves learning to overcome our inclination to passivity to what isn’t immediately before us.
Thanks for the clarification DG! I did read what you said but I misunderstood your meaning. It seemed you were saying that although it wouldn’t be a bad thing to do, that because it was a woman’s inclination to hover that men wouldn’t take on an active role in checking in. (Meaning we each should stick with our natural inclinations.)
Re-worded here, we are on the same page. 🙂
Ok, good. Didn’t want people to think I was giving the OK to that behavior. Only that it is a natural inclination of men.
As I explained elsewhere to someone else:
It seems as though men have an inclination at times not worry about what they should, and women have an inclination to worry about what they shouldn’t. Both men and women need to check our bad inclinations.
Absolutely. Awareness of our inclinations, humility to admit to them and cooperation with grace will help us overcome.