An ear or a hand

I’m sure most of you have seen this video before:

Basically, the teachable lesson is that if you’re not sure whether a woman wants you to listen or to actually help her then the question becomes:

Do you need and ear or a hand?

Utilizing such a question to differentiate between situations can assist you in determining the proper course of action.

If she says an ear that doesn’t mean that you have to be the one to listen to her, especially if you’re trying to unbecome the quintessential nice guy. Instead it may be a better idea to have her talk to her girl friends about such things. Likewise, if she says she needs a hand that doesn’t mean you have to accept either.

Don’t do things for the sake of being nice. If you’re going to do them do them because you want to love the other person without any expectations.

In either case, take it with a grain of salt, make her say please, and add some teasing seasoning on top of it.

Edit: If you’re not the person who is supposed to be discussing a particular topic with a woman send her to the appropriate person to talk with. For wives send them to their husbands first. For single women send them to the church or her Christian friends. Basically, don’t be dumb and respect the authority structures that God has outlined in the Scriptures.

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7 Responses to An ear or a hand

  1. Jenny says:

    do them because you want to love the other person without any expectations
    it is so hard to get to this place, love that you said it.

  2. theasdgamer says:

    Possible responses to ridiculous requests:

    “…like that’s gonna fly….”


    “Are you working up some comedy routines?”

    “I don’t get it.”

    “I feel your pain.”

  3. femininebutnotfeminist says:

    LOL, hilarious video! This is the first time I’ve seen it! And it’s true, sometimes women just need an ear, sometimes a hand. So when in doubt, simply ask. And it’s also true that you don’t have to do it just to be nice too, but if you do it, to do it from a place of love. Love this post!

  4. Random Angeleno says:

    I learned this lesson long ago: that I had to set my fix-it nature aside when listening a woman talk. Or vent. As the case may be. In the beginning, it was hard to step back from trying to solve her problem(s). Now it’s easy, it’s my default mode when I listen to a woman talk about her issues. I never offer my help anymore unless it’s an emergency situation that demands a response. If she actually wants my help, she has to ask for it. No hinting allowed, no beating around the bush. I will decide whether to help or not. Them that say “please” tend to get better results with me.

  5. femininebutnotfeminist says:

    @ Random Angeleno,

    You’ve got it exactly right… and what most men don’t know is that oftentimes, simply listening and understanding where a woman is coming from actually does “fix” the problem because oftentimes a woman just wants to feel “heard” and “understood” and that’s it.

    Another good rule of thumb is to look at what is being talked about. Is it a practical problem? Then going into “fix it” mode would be good if you choose to help. Or is it an emotional problem? Then listening and understanding is better, unless she does actually ask for help or advice.

  6. Pingback: Men who get it and men who don’t | Reflections on Christianity and the manosphere

  7. Pingback: Boundaries | Reflections on Christianity and the manosphere

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