I’ve written quite extensively on husbands and wives and what the Scriptures say about them, but I’d like to do a conclusive summary because it illustrates the different roles and responsibilities inherent in the marriage relationship.
- Husbands are called to treat their wives “as themselves”… as Christ loved the Church (Eph 5), as his own body (Eph 5), as himself (Eph 5), not embitterd or harsh (Col 3), and in knowledge as the weaker vessel and as co-heirs in Christ (1 Peter 3).
- Wives are called to treat their husbands as their “head” or “lord”… as a helpmeet (Gen 2), as the head (1 Cor 11), with respect (Eph 5, 1 Peter 3), and with submission (Eph 5, Col 3, Titus 2, 1 Peter 3).
Husbands incorrectly believe that if they treat their wives “as themselves” that they will lose respect for him and run roughshod all over him. They fear their wives. Wives incorrectly believe that if they treat their husbands as their “head” or “lord” that the husband will abuse this authority or get an ego trip. They fear their husbands. They do not know God because God is love and perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:7-21).
Thus, instead of believing what God says, they believe the lies told to them by themselves, society, and churchianity. Rather than turning to God and obeying His Scriptures they double down on the fact that the other spouse may or will treat them poorly. Rather than admit fault they continue in their own sin.
They do not understand that the Scriptures never said that obeying God was easy. And they continue to take the easy way out and search for their own happiness instead of walking the difficult road of righteousness.
Predictably, wives who desire and achieve equality are unhappy and unfulfilled. Husbands who lord over their wives show no love and are unfulfilled.
However, those that follow that which the Scriptures affirm represent Him as One in marriage.