Husbands and wives summarized

I’ve written quite extensively on husbands and wives and what the Scriptures say about them, but I’d like to do a conclusive summary because it illustrates the different roles and responsibilities inherent in the marriage relationship.

  • Husbands are called to treat their wives “as themselves”… as Christ loved the Church (Eph 5), as his own body (Eph 5), as himself (Eph 5), not embitterd or harsh (Col 3), and in knowledge as the weaker vessel and as co-heirs in Christ (1 Peter 3).
  • Wives are called to treat their husbands as their “head” or “lord”… as a helpmeet (Gen 2), as the head (1 Cor 11), with respect (Eph 5, 1 Peter 3), and with submission (Eph 5, Col 3, Titus 2, 1 Peter 3).


Husbands incorrectly believe that if they treat their wives “as themselves” that they will lose respect for him and run roughshod all over him. They fear their wives. Wives incorrectly believe that if they treat their husbands as their “head” or “lord” that the husband will abuse this authority or get an ego trip. They fear their husbands. They do not know God because God is love and perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:7-21).

Thus, instead of believing what God says, they believe the lies told to them by themselves, society, and churchianity. Rather than turning to God and obeying His Scriptures they double down on the fact that the other spouse may or will treat them poorly. Rather than admit fault they continue in their own sin.

They do not understand that the Scriptures never said that obeying God was easy. And they continue to take the easy way out and search for their own happiness instead of walking the difficult road of righteousness.

Predictably, wives who desire and achieve equality are unhappy and unfulfilled. Husbands who lord over their wives show no love and are unfulfilled.

However, those that follow that which the Scriptures affirm represent Him as One in marriage.


Wives — if you have an unloving or non-Christian husband.

Husbands — if you have a disrespectful or unsubmissive wife.

This entry was posted in Masculinity and women, Mission Framework and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to Husbands and wives summarized

  1. Looking Glass says:

    There’s a very interesting tidbit about the Greek that helps a lot: “Fear” and “Respect” are… the same word. One is the positive aspect; one is the negative aspect. Extending 1 John 4:18 even further, God’s Love is the perfection of “Fear”. It is the bifurcating nature of a Human as they approach the Divine, as our emotions are mixed with both Heaven & Hell.

    Great post, DS.

  2. aquietmimic says:

    That’s brilliant, using the universal sign of Catholicism (The Cross) to explain that topic.

    Equality will never work for heterosexual relationships. If both parties treat each other as them selves, you get this:



    No point of unity for the party.

    You know, if there was a way to use the sign of the cross to build your current framework (hierarchy pyramid) and the rest of your topics you write about, I wonder how much spiritual wisdom you may gain DS. Bless you 🙂

  3. @ LG

    Yeah, I covered that dichotomy some in this post:

    It’s a really interesting dichotomy. Although I think the respect/reverence is born out of doing what is right, and the fear is born out of doing what is wrong.

  4. @ aquietmimic

    Yep, a relationship where a wife doesn’t respect her husband has the flat lines like that. A relationship where the husband is doing what is right and the wife is in rebellion will have two vertical lines.

    There is no unity if each spouse is not doing what is right.

    I’m thinking about the visual representations of the pyramid now as well to see if there is some harmony that can be gained from understanding the Scriptures in a greater way.


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  6. We like the word “churchianity”.
    It have been many churches who gave a wrong picture for the relationship of man and woman and of the position of both sexes opposite each other.

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