I’ve been busy which is why I haven’t been posting. However, this is an important topic to discuss.

Donal’s post on Ashamed of the Faith today reminded me of it. I thought I wrote on this topic before. I just searched my blog, and it seems I didn’t.

About 4-5 months ago I was in a Bible study, and we were discussing marriage roles specifically in context of submission and headship. One of the older men stated how uncomfortable he was with discussing submission, and kept going back to the error of mutual submission except in sex (1 Cor 7) and in sin (Eph 5).

At that time, I didn’t speak up at that point because I didn’t know what to say. It was probably around the beginning of Feb when this blog had just started, and I still hadn’t perused the Scriptures in depth where I was comfortable speaking up in that situation on this particular topic especially to a married man.

However, this is not something that is uncommon with today’s men.

After a couple of days of introspection on this topic, I came to the conclusion that people are “uncomfortable” with what God’s word says. The way Escoffier, Donal and others put it is embarrassed or ashamed. In this situation, all of these words are synonyms for the same thing:

Luke 12:“And I say to you, everyone who confesses Me before men, the Son of Man will confess him also before the angels of God; but he who denies Me before men will be denied before the angels of God. 10 And everyone who [g]speaks a word against the Son of Man, it will be forgiven him; but he who blasphemes against the Holy Spirit, it will not be forgiven him. 11 When they bring you before the synagogues and the rulers and the authorities, do not worry about how or what you are to speak in your defense, or what you are to say; 12 for the Holy Spirit will teach you in that very hour what you ought to say.”

I remember contemplating why we are uncomfortable, or ashamed, or embarrassed for God’s Scriptures.

Every single denomination of the faith believes that the Scriptures are the inspired Word of God. So why are we afraid of what it says? What does that say about us and our beliefs?

A month later I helped to lead a discussing on the topic of sex and marriage in the same Bible study. Afterward, a couple of people came up to me and thanked me for leading that particular uncomfortable topic.

The way I responded to that assertion was that I had practiced speaking about these different subjects before. Specifically, I covered what I do here: Improving your public and conversational speaking and Improving your public and conversational speaking 2. I muse these topics out loud because I was to be confident speaking on what the Scriptures say.

If I’m uncomfortable talking about what is good then what am I doing? Every single Christian knows that God has created sex in marriage to be good. He created humans to be very good. Why should I be uncomfortable, or embarrassed, or ashamed to talk about what is good?

This is something I definitely still struggle with when talking about God, especially with my non-believing friends. This is something I am focused on working to improve. However, I have made great strides with talking about any uncomfortable topics with Christians which has been excellent for developing relationships and spurring one another on toward Christ.

Unfortunately, we live in a time where many are deceived.

This leads us to one of the more difficult verses in the Scriptures for many to accept:

1 Timothy 2:11 A woman must quietly receive instruction with entire submissiveness. 12 But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet. 13 For it was Adam who was first [h]created, and then Eve. 14 And it was not Adam who was deceived, but the woman being deceived, [i]fell into transgression. 15 But women will be [j]preserved through the bearing of children if they continue in faith and love and sanctity with [k]self-restraint.

I’ve heard my pastor explicate this passage well. Paul gives two reasons on why women are not to have authority (exousia) over men.

  • First, it goes back to creation order. Adam is created first and then Eve. It could have been that God created humans the other way around, but He didn’t. 1 Corinthians 11 back this up: God is the head of Christ, who is the head of man, who is the head of woman.
  • Second, being deceived is worse than the alternative, which is that Adam knowingly committed sin.

The biggest problem with being deceived is that you don’t know you’re doing harm. Mark Driscoll, James Dobson (Focus on the Family), and all of the other Christian pastors who keep pushing Churchianity — with women or women’s feelings as the decider of what is “love” or “how they need to be served” — simply are deceived. They think they are doing what is good, but they are not doing what is good.

The trouble is that most people who would consider themselves Christians believe that the message they preach is true. This is the insidious nature of deception. It is worse because it sounds like the truth but is in actuality a lie. The Scriptures are bent from the full truth to a half truth. This is why Jesus railed vehemently against the Pharisee’s: it is blind men leading other blind men into a pit. This is what happened to Eve in the garden.

Alternatively, when you knowingly commit sin at least you know you are committing sin. You know there will be consequences. This is the choice that Adam made in the garden.

Now, this is not to say that men are never deceived. It is quite clear from Churchianity that many male pastors are deceived. This is not to say that women are always the ones being deceived as that is clearly not true either. However, I think it likely indicates that women may be more prone to being deceived than men. If I had to make a guess given what we know of Churchianity’s alias — the cult of nice — I would say this is due to the more emotional nature of women.

Biological realities tend to lie on a continuum. For example, the average male is about 5’9″ whereas the average female is about 5’5″ the last time I checked. This means that the majority of men will be on average taller than the majority of women. However, there will obviously be some women who are taller than the majority of men (and they will end up playing in the WNBA) just as there will be some men shorter than the average women.

Likewise, the preference for emotional and logical thinking also lies on a similar continuum. I read some research a couple months ago that stated that a man has to be emotional in the 85th percentile to be emotional as the average woman.

This was the general point I was attempting to make when I wrote my since revoked post on “men are logical and women are emotional.” It’s not so much that you’re one or the other, but there is definitely a continuum present in biology for a great many things. Height, sex drive, skin color, disposition, and many other traits that depend on multiple factors are just one. Even in the few differentiating one or the other splits such as sex there are exceptions such as hermaphrodites.

In any case, whether my reasoning above is true or not the reason doesn’t really matter. The Scriptures state that the authoritative structure is this way because of the creation order as well as the deception of the women. At the very least we must take that at face value as difficult as that may be for some to accept. I’m not uncomfortable, embarrassed, or ashamed of that anymore.


  • Let us not be afraid to speak of what is Good. The Scriptures speak of what is Good. We should not be uncomfortable, ashamed, or embarrassed of them.

If we are uncomfortable, ashamed, or embarrassed of them that is the same as denying Jesus before men. I don’t particular want Jesus to deny me before the Father, so let us strive to do what is right by boldly proclaiming His truth.

  • The deception is real in Christianity today. Both men and women are included in this deception.

I’m not sure how to fix this other than to perhaps bring up the Scriptures above more readily when I talk to other Christians, but we need to realize that this is the case where many are living in this deception. This is the reason I always speak on boldness and fearlessness aside from the fact that it is espoused in the Scriptures. We need to stand firm on the rock.

Most Christians are going to want to avoid what is uncomfortable, embarrassing, or what they feel ashamed of, and so we need to encourage them not to do that. We need to at the very least tell them, so they have that chance to open their eyes to the truth. Whether they take it or not is up to them and their choice.

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17 Responses to Ashamed

  1. Hamilton says:

    I’ve heard Albert Mohler’s name in reference to pushing the feminist agenda. I occasionally listen to his daily briefing podcasts on the day’s news. Never really heard anything that raised any concerns regarding pushing Churchianity. How is he lumped in here? Just curious.

  2. donalgraeme says:

    I think you are correct that uncomfortable, embarrassed and ashamed all work to describe the same general phenomenon within modern Christianity.

    About 4-5 months ago I was in a Bible study, and we were discussing marriage roles specifically in context of submission and headship. One of the older men stated how uncomfortable he was with discussing submission, and kept going back to mutual submission and whatnot.

    At that time, I didn’t speak up at that point because I didn’t know what to say. It was probably around the beginning of Feb when this blog had just started, and I still hadn’t perused the Scriptures in depth where I was comfortable speaking up in that situation on this particular topic especially to a married man.

    I think we all have those moments. It is important to recognize them afterwards, and work to never repeat that kind of error again.

  3. @ Hamilton

    Whoops, I meant James Dobson of Focus on the Family. Mohler is on the same train though. Read the link below’s first comment to see a list of names with links.

    See Ballista’s post here on the variations of the “man up” rant:

  4. @ Donal

    Yeah, I feel disgusted with myself when I do that. It’s good motivation to do the right thing.

  5. Padre39 says:

    I suspect one is misinterpreting the passage in Luke, or perhaps not applying it to this situation.

    Basically the early Church, largely Jewish converts, would be hauled in front of the synagogue to confirm or deny a faith in Christ as Messiah. The warning is not to premeditate how to answer the charge, the Spirit will speak for you. We can quibble over the thought that the Spirit is still active or if Scripture speaks now. However in absence of Spirit the Scriptures are the dominant source of Authority thus the advice stands concerning wives and submission in the context of a senior leader of a Congregation deviating from that instruction.

    Churchians are the “new” Pharisees, in the absence of the Spirit’s instruction, Scripture is the reply.

    IE, man up is opinion, submission is instruction

  6. donalgraeme says:

    Same, although I think the guilt is ultimately greater than the disgust with me. Probably a Catholic thing. Either way, I don’t like the feeling when I know that I’ve let God down.

  7. ballista74 says:

    I don’t think it’s deception within the ranks of these talkers. They pretty much know what Scripture says about marriage, and are deliberately preaching something different. There’s a reason behind that, but deception isn’t it.

    Now, if you take the average blog participant (as a blogger or commenter), I’ve noticed an incredibly huge amount of deception regarding the topic of marriage. Simply put, they do not see what is being called “marriage” today as anything different than what was God ordained and blessed. I’ve addressed this several times and will be addressing it again soon (if I can get the time, super busy here too).

    Sure, you’ll see references to Marriage 2.0 elsewhere, but there’s no recognition that Marriage 2.0 is *not* real marriage. Face it, Marriage 1.0 died about 100 years ago when the State assumed it. If you are married, if you will marry, you are entering into Marriage 2.0 – it doesn’t matter what you believe. So you get a number of people who see problems simultaneously speaking against and defending marriage – double-minded hypocrites who defend Satan’s creation, while Satan himself cackles with glee.

    Perhaps this is the problem with the version moniker, it allows people to rationalize that “marriage” has anything to do with God or has any of His blessing on it. It allows people to be blind to the true profane evil that “marriage” is today.

  8. ballista74 says:

    Coincidentally, the same phenomenon of deception exists with any talk regarding feminism. People see modern feminism (Feminism 2.0 if you will), as the totally of feminism, while they defend their own tradcon feminism (Feminism 1.0).

    So you end up with a legion of double-minded anti-feminist feminists, and very few true anti-feminists, even within the manosphere.

  9. @ ballista

    Definitely agree with the teachings on marriage for the pastors.

    Though, I think that most of them don’t know how deeply ingrained the feminism is. I know some would outright support it, but I don’t think all of them would if they had it revealed to them.

    When one is truly exposed to the fact that the “man up” (which is a good thing in every other scenario EXCEPT with women) is destructive because it caters to women/women’s feelings instead of God I think many of them could potentially get it. How much they could get would mean how much they are actually seeking after God’s truth though.

  10. ballista74 says:

    I think you overestimate their ability to see the truth, and underestimate them on why these things are happening. Even if they actually happen to be deceived and grow to know the truth fully, they will continue on this path, for there are other factors involved which will keep them from truly repenting.

  11. @ Ballista

    Most of these men aren’t exactly stupid. Before I read Dalrock’s exposition on Fireproof, Courageous, etc. I didn’t see what was wrong with those movies even though I felt there was something a bit off. It’s only after seeing the underlying themes that you can truly begin to appreciate what is going on in every level of society even the Church.

    But I would concede that the factors that keep them where they are (e.g. money and status being primary ones) would definitely keep many men from repenting.

  12. ballista74 says:

    They aren’t stupid, but you know they know they are acting against Scripture. Upholding the headship of women in the home. Accepting divorce, advocating divorce in the way that they do. Moreover, remarrying these rebellious women.

    They’re willful rebels, just like most of these “Christian” women are when they refuse to submit to and respect their husbands.

    Ignorance is not an excuse, especially when it’s right there in black and white.

  13. Pingback: Defending the Lie That Is Marriage | The Society of Phineas

  14. Pingback: What We Mean By Marriage | Donal Graeme

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