Men who get it and men who don’t

The reason why most men think women are confusing or hard to get is all a matter of perspective. To get the right perspective, you have to look at your actions. Your actions matter because that is what a woman is interacting with and how she responds.

For example, take your average man who gets it. This will be a man who acts, speaks, and breathes masculinity. The only responses that a woman can give to a man who is acting masculine are these:

  1. She will act feminine around him
  2. She will act adversarial to him, like a witch with a capital B.

On the other hand, for your average “nice guy” which is a man acting in a more feminized manner you’ll see than such a man will get a huge amount of disparate responses. This is because the women run into the issue of — do I respond to the man as a man or as a woman? — and you don’t know what you’re going to get out of it:

  1. She could treat him as a beta orbiter only for validation
  2. She could treat him as just a friend
  3. She could be disgusted at his lack of manliness
  4. She could try to lead the relationship
  5. She could use him for time and money
  6. She could use him as an emotional sponge for her other man problems
  7. And many more.

A man will get a whole gamut of responses ranging from happy to sad to bored to disgusted to anything else. The types of responses that a feminized man will get from a woman basically depends on how she is feeling at the moment. Obviously, if the responses a man gets from his interactions with women are based off the fickleness of emotions then it’s going to be confusing for most men.

Then they proclaim that women are impossible to understand like this is some universal knowledge that can’t be figured out. Women can only be understood from the lens of being a man. If you are are essentially another woman to them as a nice guy or feminized man, and then you try to apply logic to that you will always be confused.

This is the difference between men who get it — women react to them — and the men who don’t get it — they react to the woman. If you’re a man and you are continually being confused by women then you’re not acting like a man.

Men who get it

It is easy for a man who gets it because she will act feminine around him. All is right in the word if the man is acting in a masculine manner, and the women will usually follow suit by acting in a feminine manner.

However, if it comes to the point where she’s acting like a witch with a capital B then there are two scenarios that follow:

  1. About you — she’s testing your boundaries, typically in your mistakes or in the newness of a relationship
  2. About others — which means it’s not about you and she’s being embroiled by some emotions from other situations.

If it’s about you then you have to learn to lay down the law. I discussed this in a Framework of Offence and Defense about the various things that you may become embroiled in when it’s about you.

When it’s about others generally speaking you shouldn’t involve yourself. Just grab her and hold her close and let her get over it.

Remember, if you, as a man, are upset about something someone else did, and your friends ask you about it you tell them you don’t want to talk about it. If they keep pestering you about it then you’re definitely going to get angry at them as well. That same human experience applies to women.

However, while men often times just want to be alone to think through the experience or make plans to make it better, women are a bit different in how they respond. This is the say that men often think through an issue like this in terms of headship — what needs to be done to fix the issue. On the other hand, women tend to think of it in terms of the body — this is happening to me and I need to process everything.

Hence, why when men want to go fix the problem it’s often not the solution. Most of the time, women just want you to listen or be that calming force in her life.

Thus, when it’s about others a man must recognize when to be the rock that she needs to weather the storm.

Conclusions

Don’t be a man who doesn’t get it. If you don’t get it then you will always be confused by women.

Men who get it understand their behavior matters. Masculinity is such that women will react to it. They will react in two different manners:

  1. She will act feminine around him
  2. She will act adversarial to him, like a witch with a capital B.

If she’s acting feminine all is well, but if she’s acting like a witch then:

  1. About you — she’s testing your boundaries, typically in your mistakes or in the newness of a relationship
  2. About others — which means it’s not about you and she’s being embroiled by some emotions from other situations.

If it’s about you then defuse it by maintaining Dominion over your boundaries. If you let her run roughshod over you then expect the relationship start to disintegrate.

If it’s not about you then don’t try to fix the problem unless she specifically asks for solutions, but rather be her rock to help her weather the storms of her emotions. If you need clarity then you can metaphorically ask if she needs an ear or a hand.

If she too often acts like a witch and is otherwise unable to act in a feminine manner then she’s not relationship material. Point blank. Even the most manly of men cannot “make” women feminine. She has to decide that for herself through her conscious actions.

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5 Responses to Men who get it and men who don’t

  1. donalgraeme says:

    Amazing how all you have to do is follow the charge of King David to his son Solomon in 1 Kings 2:2… be a man.

  2. Patrick Pedat Ebediyah Golston says:

    This is not wholly unrelated, because there is a process for the sort of interaction and discovery you outline above, and that is either through, friendship, courtship, or dating.

    Maybe you guys have heard about this article floating around:

    http://www.thomasumstattd.com/2014/08/courtship-fundamentally-flawed/

  3. Looking Glass says:

    Read the article Patrick posted.

    It’s a good break down of the problems with the “Kiss Dating Goodbye” courtship model. His proscriptions aren’t terrible, either.

    The one problem he has is that he misses the driving issues: easy sexual access to Women, the need for Women to derive value from their lowered relationship potential and the neutering of the “normal” Man. Though credit where it is due. He realizes that the “courtship” model, which is only one version of it, doubled down on the problems inside the culture. Minus that he missed several other.

  4. Pingback: Boundaries | Reflections on Christianity and the manosphere

  5. Pingback: Covert Contracts, Overt Contracts, and Women | Reflections on Christianity and the manosphere

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