Dominion Part 2

These are previous two posts that feed into this post.

A Christian Understanding of Attraction
Dominion

If we don’t understand the commands that God gave us in the beginning, and that which was restored through Jesus and His sacrifice then we cannot be godly masculine men.

I had been struggling with how to write the follow up post because I couldn’t quite tie everything together. Let me explain. The goal of a Christian man is not about becoming attractive, but rather about the pursuit of God in such a way that attraction is a natural side effect. It takes a certain kind of boldness and confidence that we all should have as Christians to match the disciples preaching the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ even unto their death as martyrs.

In reality, I had just been overthinking it. The teaching of Jesus is so simple with word-picture parables that any child could understand, but so laced with deeper meanings that most adults couldn’t get it unless they accepted grace and faith from God.

Sometimes it takes worldly things to remind you of that. A couple days ago, this was posted on the RP subreddit. The seven deadly sins of a BP beta. This intruiged me because I intentionally wrote about this in A Christian Understanding of Attraction:

What is very interesting is that a man’s lack of dominion results in sin. Think for a moment about the 7 deadly sins:

  • Lust — When a man is uncontrolled (or lacks dominion) over his desire for money, food, fame, power, or sex then he falls into sin.
  • Gluttony — When a man is uncontrolled (or lacks dominion) over his wants or needs then he overindulges or overconsumes.
  • Greed — When a man is uncontrolled (or lacks dominion) over his desire for material possessions.
  • Sloth — When a man is uncontrolled (or lacks dominion) over his own laziness.
  • Wrath — When a man is uncontrolled (or lacks dominion) over his emotions especially anger.
  • Envy — When a man is uncontrolled (or lacks dominion) over his desire for what his neighbor possesses.
  • Pride — When a man is uncontrolled (or lacks dominion) over himself.

Pride, being the original and most serious sin, is what all of the other sins stem from. It is a lack of dominion over himself such that he loses control in any of the areas above such as lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, or envy.

If you read the comments of the thread you understand that the 7 deadly sins don’t really make sense in any context but a Christian one. For example, a non-Christian man who isn’t ruled by his lust is able to free himself from the neediness of women. But all of this is performed in order that he eventually fulfill his lust by having sex with many women.

It’s a series of never ending steps of denial and gratification. In other words, it’s ultimately about you. Become a better version of you, so you can indulge yourself in things you want. Pride goes through the roof as you engage in greater levels of sinful behavior. We have seen this before:

Genesis 6:5 Then the Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great on the earth, and that every intent of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. 6 The Lord was sorry that He had made man on the earth, and He was grieved [e]in His heart. 7 The Lord said, “I will blot out man whom I have created from the face of the land, from man to animals to creeping things and to birds of the [f]sky; for I am sorry that I have made them.” 8 But Noah found favor in the eyes of the Lord.

Matthew 24:36 “But of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father alone. 37 For [y]the coming of the Son of Man will be just like the days of Noah. 38 For as in those days before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noah entered the ark, 39 and they did not [z]understand until the flood came and took them all away; so will the coming of the Son of Man be. 40 Then there will be two men in the field; one [aa]will be taken and one [ab]will be left. 41 Two women will be grinding at the [ac]mill; one [ad]will be taken and one [ae]will be left.

In any case, I’m going to hash this out further in the next few sections.

Hierarchy of responsibility

God is no fool. I don’t believe it to be a coincidence that God made PSALMs — power/personality, status, athleticism, looks, and money — to be attractive to women. As has been stated before, all of these things signal that a man is able to move within a community to provide for her and her children.

It is also no coincidence that as the wealth of a society increases, the reliance of women for men as providers also decreases. Women are not reliant on a man’s money for a decent quality of life, and it becomes less of a factor in her wanting to marry. However, power/personality, status, athleticism, and looks all still very much apply.

The responsibility of a man of God only increases as more has been added to him:

  • If a man cannot take dominion over himself is he going to be able to take dominion over himself and a wife?
  • If a man can take dominion over himself how much more ready and prepared will he be for a wife.

You become a man by systematically taking dominion over your pride, your lust, your gluttony, your greed, your sloth, your wrath, and your envy. Doing this consistently eliminates neediness and dependence on others which changes you into a man that is attractive to women.

Likewise, if a man is able to take dominion over himself, and find a wife there is increase in responsibility within the family itself:

  • One of the fruit of sex is intimacy. If you don’t have dominion over yourself, then intimacy is going to be hindered as deep rooted aspects of yourself come to the surface.
  • Another fruit of sex is children: If you don’t have dominion over yourself and your wife, how are you going to be responsible for more life?

If I’m not comfortable taking control over myself and my actions, then I’m not going to be comfortable when interacting with others especially into an extremely intimate and revealing act as sex.

I’ve gone over the parable of the talents multiple times but it bears repeating:

Matthew 25:29 “For to everyone who has, more shall be given, and he will have an abundance; but from the one who does not have, even what he does have shall be taken away. 30 Throw out the worthless slave into the outer darkness; in that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

This is one of the primary principles in life that extends to every part. God made creation in such a way that as you become a better steward over yourself and the things you have been entrusted with then He often gives us more to be stewards over.

This isn’t to say that if I master everything about myself that I will have a wife. But I will  be significantly more attractive to women that I should have no trouble finding a wife if I desire, and it is God’s will.

Reciprocality

It’s important to understand that mastering yourself in terms of the Christian walk is to become more like Jesus. Showing that you have boundaries for your own life in terms of the Christian ideal will spill over into your interactions with others.

For example, in Donal’s most recent post on reality versus reason is a discussion of what expectations are reasonable and realistic for look for in a spouse. My view has naturally shifted towards a more reciprocal nature:

My take on my “lists” or “expectations” is that I won’t ask my wife to do anything I won’t do (except for have kids since I technically can’t do that myself).

I seek God daily in the Scriptures, prayer, meditation, worship/songs and I would expect my wife to do the same. I care about nutrition and fitness daily and I’d expect my wife to do the same. Obviously, there is going to be some differences in roles and responsibilities in marriage, although they tend to have opposite counterparts — love vs. respect, headship vs. submission, etc. Both of us are bringing our all to it.

Max attraction and chemistry is nice but not necessary. It’s just past the threshold I’m looking for, though granted it seems I have a higher attraction filter than most males which is unfortunate for me.

When you have a clear ideal that you’re striving for in terms of the Christian walk, and you hold yourself to that standard you will also start to hold others to that standard. This is a good thing. Christian women that we may consider to be potential wives we need to be able to hold to a standard — Jesus’ standard — so that when they are off track we can be a loving Christian by calling them back.

The common term named for holding yourself and others to a standard is called boundaries. I’m not willing to marry a Christian woman that is not willing to hold themselves to the gold standard outlined in Scriptures because I don’t accept that for myself and neither does God. This is why it is important to express displeasure or correction when other Christians are not following the Scriptures because it reinforces that you have boundaries, and that your boundaries are along Scriptural lines.

Judgment

I wanted to briefly delve into this because it is important to understand in the context of dominion.

Matthew 7:1 “Do not judge so that you will not be judged. 2 For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and [a]by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. 3 Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4 Or how [b]can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

Obviously, this is one of the most abused Scriptures in the Bible in terms of churchian and non-Christians as well as potential many Christians as well. I highlighted the second verse because it brings the whole passage into context. The measure you use will be poured back to you.

In the context of marriage, the husband who has headship to the wife needs to be one who is able to judge his wife’s behavior without being a hypocrite.

The head determines the course and needs to be able to guide both himself and her [and children] in the relationship. The reason why dominion is important in a man’s life is because it helps him define himself, and it allows him to be a leader or head without being a hypocrite. No one likes a hypocrite.

For instance, it is going to be very difficult for a Christian wife to submit to her Christian husband who has poor control over his lust such that he watches pornography. This does not absolve a Christian wife from submitting to her husband out of reverence for Christian even when he sins (Eph 5, 1 Peter 3), but it is certainly not a good witness and it will put immense strain on the relationship.

Likewise, if a man has problems with wrath and emotional outbursts, how is he going to be able to be the head of his wife and tell her to have a calm discussion with him about emotionally charged topics? He is not acting as the head in this case, but he has demoted himself by his own actions to her level.

Judgment falls in line with the principle of reciprocality that I described in the previous section. It is not wrong to judge; rather, it is wrong to judge others when it makes you a hypocrite.

The reason why I will hold my wife to the boundary of daily seeking of God in Scripture, prayer, meditation, and the like is because I also hold myself to that same standard. I’m not going to compromise my relationship with God, and she shouldn’t either.

In a more realistic aspect of judgment fitness and nutrition are a good one. I hold myself to a high standard in regard to fitness and nutrition because I want to respect God’s temple. I am going to hold others to the same thing. However, what this looks like in my life is that I’m not going to berate others for eating a piece of cake. After all, I do that once in a while so it would make me a hypocrite to tell someone not to do it because I do it occasionally.

However, it we get talking on the concept of fitness and nutrution I’m not afraid to state my boundaries on the topic. I’m not going to date/marry someone who isn’t interesting in fitness and nutrition. Similarly, if a woman expresses interest in fitness and nutrition, but then doesn’t execute their plans I’m going to call them out on it. I’m going to mercilessly tease them for it. I’m going to raise my eyebrow at them or give them a knowing smirk.

Women say they don’t want to be judged and they don’t, but they will respect a man who holds them to boundaries even if they become angry or emotional over it. In fact, such a man is often called a jerk by women. But they will respect him because he is firm in his boundaries, and he calls them out when their yes is no and their no is yes.

Conclusions

  • God has established attraction, marriage, and responsibility such that to more will be given more and to less even what they have will be taken away. We need to learn how to be men to whom much is given much will also be required. First of ourselves, then of others.
  • Reciprocality is important. We need to first hold ourselves to boundaries based on the Scriptures and excellence in every facet of areas. Then we need to examine how that lines up with our relationships with others.
  • Dominion over yourself in accordance with the Scriptures allows you to judge righteously without being a hypocrite. This ties into reciprocality in that to be the head in a marriage relationship you have to set the tone by knowing who you are and what you are about and holding your wife to the same standards.

I will continue this series in the future as I more fully understand it in application.

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15 Responses to Dominion Part 2

  1. Pingback: Random Musings And Links- #5 | Donal Graeme

  2. In the context of what you wrote about the 7 deadly sins, may I opine a modification?

    Pride is denying the need for self-control. It says whatever I do is right becasue I do it, no matter the consequences.

  3. @ prariepolyguy

    “Pride is denying the need for self-control. It says whatever I do is right becasue I do it, no matter the consequences.”

    Pride is the root of all of the other sins. So yes, pride is indeed the cornerstone of sin and lack of control.

    Pride is also what gets in the way of people coming to know Christ as their Savior. They may believe there is no God (because of their pride), they may believe they are a good person (because of their pride), and the like.

    It takes humility to know that there is a God, and to accept His free gift of grace and mercy. And it takes humility to understand that because we cannot walk by our own strength we need the power of the Holy Spirit to transform our lives to do His work.

    You can see pride in the garden of Eden, and pride throughout the Scriptures where there is sin. You can see pride in Satan, pride in sin, and pride in all that is evil.

    And it is repenting and turning away from the pride that allows us to do His work.

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  5. Indeed, well said.

    I suppose I merely meant that pride is unlike the other sins in that the others are characterized by a kind of almost natural weakness. A glutton may recognize his own gluttony and be taking steps to rectify it while still being somewhat gluttonous. But a proud man can never truely be aware of his own pride. As soon as he admits he was proud in error the sin of pride suffers a grievous blow. Pride is the sin of sins because it conceals all others. A proud man cannot admit to any sin, because a proud man cannot admit to a higher authority.

  6. @ pariepolyguy

    “Pride is the sin of sins because it conceals all others. A proud man cannot admit to any sin, because a proud man cannot admit to a higher authority.”

    Excellent analysis.

  7. Thank you, I appropriate it, and would add that I found your post edifying and reminded me of things I should thinking about regarding sin in general.

  8. Ah, Appreciate. Sorry, that was a terrible spelling mistake.

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