Fear and marriage

A quick note: I’ve been really busy for the past month or so which is why I have not been posting. This will likely continue for another 2-3 months, so I’ll post when I can. I have tons of topics I want to write on just not the time. I haven’t disappeared, and I will continue blogging as I continue to grow as a Christian and search for a godly wife.


There were some comments in my previous post about my classification of fear of marriage as an irrational fear.

“[o]r have an irrational fear about what “may” happen to you in marriage.”

I might agree with you if we didn’t know that at least half of Western marriages end in divorce, but we do. I won’t go to the mall if I know there’s “only” half a chance that someone will walk in and spray the place with an AK-47, or get into a car that “only” has half the chance of winding up in a ditch.

A Western man’s fear of matrimony is wholly justified these days.

and

Although marriage is good. The state sanction of marriage has caused it to become a meatgrinder of 50% divorce and the general culture of female rebellion.

My general response is that marriage is good, but it is important to count the cost.

I want to expand on this because this is one of the examples where God has created innately as good, but the world has twisted it and made it into something in our minds that is wholly evil and risky at best.

When I wrote Being a Christian can be offensive and the backwardness of the Church the idea presented is that Satan, the powers of darkness, and the world all come together to distort, twist, and revile the Truth. At the very heart of all of this is one of the strongest forms of deception — believing that something which is good is actually evil.

Isaiah 5:20 Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!

When we’re talking about how humans process they use 3 distinct yet co-mingled methods which lead to behavior:

  • Thoughts
  • Feelings
  • Values

Values are by far the strongest factor which influence behavior because we compare our thoughts and feelings against our values before taking action.We are called to seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all of these things will be added unto us. Reading the Scriptures, prayer, meditation on the word, fasting, and the like all focus our core values and strengthen them to where we are more likely to stand firm on the Word when temptations come rather than fall prey to them. The stronger the perceived values, the easier it will be to resist temptation even when thoughts and/or feelings are telling you otherwise.

Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Values are trained up, and the primary duty of parents as stated throughout the Scriptures are to instill godly ones in their children. The most famous being that [Joshua] and my household will serve the Lord.

What is happening in our culture today shows me through my thoughts and feelings that marriage has a considerably higher count the cost in it. However, I know that God created marriage to be good, and thus I consider the value I place on marriage as always good no matter how bad the odds.

My thoughts and feelings will dictate that I take a long hard look to see if any woman is worth it. But I know God is good in marriage if it is for me and if it is not for me. I know that God is good in marriage even if others divorce and break their vows. Others actions don’t dictate God’s value, nor His compassion, nor His grace, nor His love, nor His righteousness, etc.

Our value system, like our identity, needs to be firmly rooted in Christ. Otherwise, we start using both our written and spoken word to speak lies about what God has declared as good. It’s a subtle form of evil and sin, but it’s still sin. We need to root out every sin from ourselves so that we can walk in His righteousness and holiness.

I know I am guilty of this on this blog in some cases which is why I take any type of feedback seriously and compare it against the Scriptures. I don’t want to be on my side but rather God’s. I don’t want my values but rather God’s.

This is why if I do decide to get married I will walk into it knowing that I have counted the cost and accepted any potential consequences thereof. I will not fear that my wife may divorce me. I will stick to the roles and responsibilities as a husband by the grace of God, and I will love God with all my heart and love others as [Jesus] has loved me.

Note: John 13:34 “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another” replaces “love neighbor as yourself”. This should be obvious because “love your neighbor as yourself” can fail because we often don’t value ourselves as God values us; however, that will be discussed in another post.

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