Another brief post. I think this one is informative from an attitude stand point. One commenter on this TRP thread comments:
What should he have answered if she directly asked him if he would mind her cheating?
I know the “correct” TRP answer is yes, but why?
One of the TRP endorsed commentors responds:
Wrong. The correct answer is “no”.
When you tell your girlfriend that you don’t care if she cheats, what you’re sub-communicating is that she is insignificant and replaceable.
Women understand implicitly that their fidelity is their most valuable resource. It’s why they go to the greatest lengths to deceive and defy you when exploiting it.
Women also understand that sex is an inexpensive commodity for powerful men. If she won’t give it to him the way he wants, he’ll easily get it elsewhere.
Here’s an example of a guy doing just that. Note how the girl backpedals when her boyfriend gives her the boot. She tries to backwards-rationalize her slutty inclinations as innocent curiosity and open-mindedness. Also note how boyfriend’s indifference makes him seem so much more powerful:
In general, men need to learn how to be flexible with any situation. The “correct” answer here is “it depends.” Obviously, you can say no and women will implicitly pick up on the psychology like the other commentor explained.
However, if you do say yes then there also needs to be non-chalance and implication that the relationship will be terminated. For example, “Sure you can cheat honey. But to me when trust is destroyed relationships inevitably evaporate.”
The “threat” is not “yes or no” but male revocation of commitment whether implicit or explicit coupled with a lack of neediness.
In this case, as Christians the more assertive and truthful answer is the second one as opposed to lying to her and hoping she’ll pick up why. If she cheats, the relationship is over but phrased in such a way that it’s subtly explains the consequences. Blunt answers often come off as too harsh for women as seen in the OP of said reddit post. However, blunt answers are sometimes needed, but thi is not one of those cases. Though if you’re a Christian and your girlfriend/wife is asking about cheating you’re already probably sunk.
My main point being from an exchange such as this is that attitude matters whether you choose the explicit or implicit route. A situation where a girlfriend/wife tests her man could just as easily come in the form of “does this make my butt look big?” or “is it OK if I go out clubbing?” or some other “permission” based test where the correct answer is neither “yes or no” but the attitude behind it. In more serious cases, it may be that the relationship is important but if she violates your trust that there will be consequences. In other cases that are smaller you can tease her about it and not answer seriously.