Attitude and variable answers

Another brief post. I think this one is informative from an attitude stand point. One commenter on this TRP thread comments:

What should he have answered if she directly asked him if he would mind her cheating?

I know the “correct” TRP answer is yes, but why?

One of the TRP endorsed commentors responds:

Wrong. The correct answer is “no”.

When you tell your girlfriend that you don’t care if she cheats, what you’re sub-communicating is that she is insignificant and replaceable.

Women understand implicitly that their fidelity is their most valuable resource. It’s why they go to the greatest lengths to deceive and defy you when exploiting it.

Women also understand that sex is an inexpensive commodity for powerful men. If she won’t give it to him the way he wants, he’ll easily get it elsewhere.

Here’s an example of a guy doing just that. Note how the girl backpedals when her boyfriend gives her the boot. She tries to backwards-rationalize her slutty inclinations as innocent curiosity and open-mindedness. Also note how boyfriend’s indifference makes him seem so much more powerful:

http://www.redditlog.com/snapshots/32294

In general, men need to learn how to be flexible with any situation. The “correct” answer here is “it depends.” Obviously, you can say no and women will implicitly pick up on the psychology like the other commentor explained.

However, if you do say yes then there also needs to be non-chalance and implication that the relationship will be terminated. For example, “Sure you can cheat honey. But to me when trust is destroyed relationships inevitably evaporate.”

The “threat” is not “yes or no” but male revocation of commitment whether implicit or explicit coupled with a lack of neediness.

In this case, as Christians the more assertive and truthful answer is the second one as opposed to lying to her and hoping she’ll pick up why. If she cheats, the relationship is over but phrased in such a way that it’s subtly explains the consequences. Blunt answers often come off as too harsh for women as seen in the OP of said reddit post. However, blunt answers are sometimes needed, but thi is not one of those cases. Though if you’re a Christian and your girlfriend/wife is asking about cheating you’re already probably sunk.

My main point being from an exchange such as this is that attitude matters whether you choose the explicit or implicit route. A situation where a girlfriend/wife tests her man could just as easily come in the form of “does this make my butt look big?” or “is it OK if I go out clubbing?” or some other “permission” based test where the correct answer is neither “yes or no” but the attitude behind it. In more serious cases, it may be that the relationship is important but if she violates your trust that there will be consequences. In other cases that are smaller you can tease her about it and not answer seriously.

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7 Responses to Attitude and variable answers

  1. thehaproject says:

    *without even looking at her* “You don’t have time to go clubbing, you’re going to be making dinner.”

  2. well, I’m not really sure if this is congruent with your attitude towards divorce (=no divorce even in case of adultery), because now your answer is basically “It depends, I’m gonna hate being sexless for the rest of my life though…”, which doesn’t sound too alpha.

  3. @ Pilgrim of the East

    In the grand scheme of things “alpha” doesn’t matter. I can live with being separated and sexless if trust is breached. In the grand scheme of things serving God is more important than sex.

    The question is can she live with the consequences? In general, I think you’ll find that women aren’t as hardline as that.

  4. Stryker says:

    @DS. I like your response.

    If my future wife cheats on me I won’t divorce her unless she becomes an apostate and abandons me. But separation would definitely be in the cards.

    I don’t need a woman to do Gods work and I can live without sex. I’ve made it as a single guy for the better part of 28 years already. My attitude is that my fiancé is along for the ride in my mission for God, and she is going to be helping me along the way. If she throws it away I’m still going to be on my mission for God…motivating her to think about what she is doing in serving God is key.

  5. @ Stryker

    Precisely.

    I take the position now that I’m looking to facilitate all of my dreams and hers as much as is possible. The main thing to keep in account is that timing is obviously the key. Children and family come before personal dreams and goals. It’s all about prioritization.

    For example, If a woman desires to have a career and place it over family then we’re just not going to work out. A career is fine… when the kids are more grown up and can take care of themselves. No one can really have it all, so it’s about knowing what is important in the right time and what is not.

  6. donalgraeme says:

    Well said DS. And yes, Separation would be my response. It would be hard, but there are times when mortality is a good thing….

  7. Pingback: Intentions and results | Reflections on Christianity and the manosphere

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