- The world says: men should be like women and discuss their emotions with them.
- The manosphere wisdom says: mens should never discuss their emotions.
- Dalrock has a good take on this.
In my experience interacting with single Christian and non-Christian women it is mainly that is is attitude that matters. I posted a basic summary of this on Dalrock’s blog, but I wanted to put it here because this blog is for single Christian men looking for a wife.
Here’s what I posted:
[Simply put, it is your attitude that matters the most.]
You can discuss your emotions logically and from a place of leadership if you want her to offer her opinion on the matter or she wants you to open up. This is fine.
The problem you run into is when you start discussing emotions and becoming needy. Indeed, if you start relying on her as your rock and for support then that is unattractive.
You can discuss emotions as much as you want. But don’t lean on her for emotional support, and let her lean on you for emotional support. Females go to other females for emotional support. If you’re going to her for emotional support you’re not acting like a man you’re acting like a woman. That’s why she loses attraction for you.
Indeed, discussing emotions with women can be a great way to build trust and intimacy in a relationship. Just don’t expect support, and don’t get into a state where you want or need support. If you want emotional support talk to friends who are men.
Talking about emotions aren’t something that generates or loses attraction much like talking about what you are thinking generates or loses attraction. The mindset that you project and the attitude that goes with it is what matters. For example, an attractive man and winner who discusses his vulnerable experiences gains attraction and endearment. In this case, it’s not the emotional discussion but the pain and hardship that he had to endure and the eventual success story.
As I stated in the quote, it is the need or desire for emotional support that is truly unattractive to women. That signals to their brain unconsciously that you’re like one their female friends. Women aren’t attracted to their female friends.
Discussing emotions is neither here nor there, and I’ve found the vast majority of the time that I can discuss them with women I’m interested in without them losing attraction for me as long as I don’t go to them wanting or needing the emotional support that they give their female friends. In fact, sharing does build a bond of intimacy and trust which is what you want in a burgeoning relationship.
The vast majority of the manosphere are those who are fairly new, and the “don’t discuss emotions with women” do it because it’s not something that you should play around it if you have a feminized mindset as a man. I find this to be good advice for Christian men who are looking to get out of the friend zone.
However, as your personality evolves you should know that it can be a good thing used the right way.