Christianese for just be yourself

After being reposted across my facebook a bunch of times I decided I might as well pick this apart. I’m reposting most of the meat of the article here if you don’t want to read through on that site.

[…]

GODLY GIRLS WANT JESUS.

WE DON’T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING OR ANYONE MORE THAN JESUS.

WE LOVE JESUS.

WE WANT TO SERVE JESUS ALL OUR LIFE.

AND IF JESUS TELLS US TO BE SINGLE FOR FOREVER, WE WOULD DO IT.

So know that there is nothing you can do to take His place.

However, if we believe you are a man who will make us more effective in living out God’s personal calling in our life, we will be drawn to you.

If we believe you will speak Jesus’ words to us, we will be drawn to you.

If we believe you will point us to Jesus when we are confused or heartbroken or in sin, we will be drawn to you.

Does that mean we will want to marry you? Not necassarily. And that’s okay!

Just know if it is God’s will for you to marry a girl, God WILL lead you to a marriage that will make you more Holy and therefore more happy. You might have to live life with a few godly girls before you meet the one you will marry, but that’s good!

Investing in relationships in healthy ways with people who inspire you to be more like Jesus can only make you more Holy. Is this not what us Godly people want? If it isn’t, shouldn’t it be?

Stop caring so much about being “a better spiritual leader” or a better “speaker” or a better “gentleman” or  “more sincere.”

It’s not about being the coolest or most attractive.

THE PRESSURE IS OFF OF YOU! BECAUSE ITS NOT ABOUT YOU! IT’S ABOUT JESUS.

Quit trying to be the perfect boyfriend. Quit trying to be her god.

STOP.

Throw away the lists and JUST ABIDE.

Why?

Because when you run after Jesus, all those things will come naturally to you.

Heck, its not even about getting a girlfriend in the first place!

You are focusing on the fruit and not the vine!

IF YOU ABIDE IN HIM, YOU WILL BEAR MUCH FRUIT. APART FROM HIM, YOU CAN DO NOTHING AND YOU ARE WORTH NOTHING. (JOHN 15:5)

This goes for everyone.

Notice that in Galatians 5, it says the fruit of the spirit —>IS<—  love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. It is a package deal. They are not separate entities.

Abide in Jesus with everything you have and you will start to look more like Him. 🙂

A Godly girl will be doing the same thing.

We tend to complicate this so much.

ALL A GODLY GIRL WANTS IS ONE THING MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE:

MORE OF JESUS.

So there’s the answer you’ve been waiting for 🙂

THIS IS ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW. THIS IS ALL YOU NEED TO STRIVE TO BE LIKE. JESUS. SIMPLY JESUS.

[…]

I’ve talked to Christian women about it. Their initial reaction is favorable. ‘Yeah, it’s great.. that is exactly what we need to tell Christian men.’ However, when I send them a few lines and tell them to contrast it to Scripture they begin to pick it apart and are like, ‘huh, I didn’t realize that it was this bad.’ Let’s pick this apart.

There is both good and bad here. We should never fully focus on the bad and thus throws out the baby with the bathwater. The nitty gritty that this post is supposed to reflect is true. Do not be unequally yoked in marriage:

2 Corinthians 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? 15 And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? 16 And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. 17 Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you.

However, what does the vast majority of this post accomplish? I’d say for Christian men it’s confusing and non-helpful. The vast majority of Christian men ALREADY KNOW that they’re not supposed to be unequally yoked. So what is left to say? Seek a woman who loves Jesus and love Jesus yourself so that you can become more like him? Haha, already do that honey.

This post is Christianese for “just be yourself.” Hey, single Christian man: keep loving Jesus and girls will be attracted to that. Well, I suppose on some level that is true. The Bible does contain enough wisdom for a Christian man to grow into a masculine man that will be attractive to women… but who is discipling Christian men to become Christian men?

The Scriptures don’t say “give everyone a Bible and they’ll become Christians” but rather Matthew 28:19 [e]Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you [f]always, even to the end of the age.” There’s the human element of discipling and teaching.

So, let’s break down the rest from the perspective of the Scriptures.

[1] GODLY GIRLS WANT JESUS.

[2] WE DON’T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING OR ANYONE MORE THAN JESUS.

[3] WE LOVE JESUS.

[4] WE WANT TO SERVE JESUS ALL OUR LIFE.

[5] AND IF JESUS TELLS US TO BE SINGLE FOR FOREVER, WE WOULD DO IT.

[6] So know that there is nothing you can do to take His place.

[1] I’ll buy it. The passion for Jesus is there even though it’s circular logic: godly girls want Jesus. In other words, godly girls (who are pursuing after God) want Jesus. Right.

[2]-[5] Good prioritization of God first in your life. I’ll buy it again.

[6] Waaay too nebulous. Are we still talking about Jesus as first priority, or are we talking about how men just don’t measure up to Jesus? Knowing how much feminist culture shames Christian men I don’t doubt that many Christian men would assume the latter: “We don’t measure up to Jesus so what’s the point in looking for women then?” or “This woman has unrealistic expectations so why even try?”

Point [6] basically undoes the fact that points [1]-[5] are fine by being nebulous and inadvertently throwing unrealistic expectations upon Christian men.

[1] However, if we believe you are a man who will make us more effective in living out God’s personal calling in our life, we will be drawn to you.

[2] If we believe you will speak Jesus’ words to us, we will be drawn to you.

[3] If we believe you will point us to Jesus when we are confused or heartbroken or in sin, we will be drawn to you.

[4] Does that mean we will want to marry you? Not necassarily. And that’s okay!

[5] Just know if it is God’s will for you to marry a girl, God WILL lead you to a marriage that will make you more Holy and therefore more happy. You might have to live life with a few godly girls before you meet the one you will marry, but that’s good!

[1] Ouch.  The last time I checked Eve was created to be a helpmeet to Adam not vice versa. There is some truth here though: it would be best if a woman’s calling matches up with her husband’s so both of them can fulfill them together. However, the selfishness in this statement is subtle: she’s drawn to you IF you help her in her calling. In other words: if she’s drawn to you and you get married you’re not the top priority after God in marriage… her calling is.

Additionally, there is the underlying assumption that other “callings” are more important than marriage. I see this evident in the wider Christian culture. Many women want to serve the poor, be a long term missionary in other countries, and the like and are forsaking marriage thinking they can put it off later. Marriage and children is the first calling —  Genesis 1:28 God blessed them; and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the [al]sky and over every living thing that [am]moves on the earth.” — and in no way does it play a backburner to “other callings.” A good marriage is one that can minister to everyone around you as it is one of the only things in the likeness of Jesus and the Church.

[2]-[3] Most Christian men will take this to mean only speak lovingly, but Jesus also called the syrophoenician woman a dog then praised her faith when she wasn’t offended. Jesus also harshly rebuked and/or chastised most everyone. The irony I suppose is men who are able to draw these strong boundaries for criticism and rebuke are the ones who women are attracted to.

Notice the bolded sections for the first three lines. It promises attraction where there may be none found.

[4] I thought this article was for men looking to find out what Christian men were looking for so they could marry? You’re now telling me all of these things that I could do could be fruitless? Ouch. So what now? You’ve just confused Christian men further.

[5] Ah, yes the old bait and switcheroo. God does not promise us a spouse slightly blunted on the fact that “if it’s God’s will.” Marriage to make you more holy and thus happy? That’s from the Bible of Oprah rather than God.

[1] Investing in relationships in healthy ways with people who inspire you to be more like Jesus can only make you more Holy. Is this not what us Godly people want? If it isn’t, shouldn’t it be?

[2] Stop caring so much about being “a better spiritual leader” or a better “speaker” or a better “gentleman” or  “more sincere.”

[3] It’s not about being the coolest or most attractive.

[4] THE PRESSURE IS OFF OF YOU! BECAUSE ITS NOT ABOUT YOU! IT’S ABOUT JESUS.

[5] Quit trying to be the perfect boyfriend. Quit trying to be her god.

[1] Investing in relationships is good, but we are not made holy through them. Hebrews 10:10 And by that will, we have been made holy through the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ once for all. And also, we are sanctified in truth: John 17:17 Sanctify them in the truth; Your word is truth. 18 As You sent Me into the world, I also have sent them into the world. 19 For their sakes I sanctify Myself, that they themselves also may be sanctified in truth. Instead, our fellowship is aimed as it states earlier in John 17 to be one: “11 I am no longer in the world; and yet they themselves are in the world, and I come to You. Holy Father, keep them in Your name, the name which You have given Me, that they may be one even as We are.”

[2]-[3] This is an interesting pair. It’s true, but it’s also false. The intent here, I think, is aimed at performance. We cannot perform enough to get someone to like us. This much is true. But on the other hand, our desire first needs to be directed toward God: we want to be better spiritual leaders, better speakers, more authentic or sincere (gentlemen.. meh) in order to carry out our calling in this world.

Most Christian men would not be able to pull out the correct meaning from this statement. It essential encourages men to not even try. Stop caring about being a better spiritual leader? Ok, I won’t even try. Stop caring about being a better speaker? All that stuttering you do when you’re attracted to a girl you like… might as well not get over that. So bad.

[4] The emphasis on performance is back for good measure, but it’s not explained very well at all. The pressure is off because of Jesus? What does that even mean when you’re reading this article looking to be married?

[5] Ironically, this is a tale of two contradictions, and further illustrates why women don’t know their own [sexual] attraction indicators. A man trying to be the “perfect boyfriend” is he who puts a woman on a pedastal. It’s the exact opposite of “trying to be her god.” I don’t think this is an accident because women don’t understand the psychology of men. All a woman understands is that that she is disgusted at men who try to be a perfect boyfriend… to her it seems like he’s trying to be some paragon of light. In reality, he is idolizing her. He is not trying to be a “god” but rather he is lifting her up as a “god.”

[1] STOP.

[2] Throw away the lists and JUST ABIDE.

[3] Why?

[4] Because when you run after Jesus, all those things will come naturally to you.

[5] Heck, its not even about getting a girlfriend in the first place!

[6] You are focusing on the fruit and not the vine!

[7] IF YOU ABIDE IN HIM, YOU WILL BEAR MUCH FRUIT. APART FROM HIM, YOU CAN DO NOTHING AND YOU ARE WORTH NOTHING. (JOHN 15:5)

[8] This goes for everyone.

[9] Notice that in Galatians 5, it says the fruit of the spirit —>IS<—  love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. It is a package deal. They are not separate entities.

[10] Abide in Jesus with everything you have and you will start to look more like Him. 🙂

[11] A Godly girl will be doing the same thing.

[1]-[4] Starting to go off the rails here. Aren’t Churches supposed to be teaching men to run after Jesus? If so, why are most of them unattractive then? Yet, we know that most Churches are churchian… how exactly is a man supposed to distinguish between churchian and Jesus?

[5] Ouch. Of course it’s about getting a girlfriend/wife. Why else would a man be reading this article about what godly woman want? This is disingenuous at best; at least say it should not be top priority rather than dismissing it.

[6]-[11] Ah, the fruits of the Spirit. Yep, women are attracted to these things in a man… who they are already [sexually] attracted to. Why then do women long after the bad boy and wish to missionary date him then? If manifesting the fruits of the Spirit is attraction then why aren’t most Christian men attractive? I can’t fault her though. Most women don’t understand the difference between sexual attraction and attraction and know that one needs to preceed the other.

[1] We tend to complicate this so much.

[2] ALL A GODLY GIRL WANTS IS ONE THING MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE:

MORE OF JESUS.

[3] So there’s the answer you’ve been waiting for 🙂

[4] THIS IS ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW. THIS IS ALL YOU NEED TO STRIVE TO BE LIKE. JESUS. SIMPLY JESUS.

[1] Things are complicated for good reason. Churchianity also peddles this same advice given above to their detriment.

[2] Secular women: “just be yourself” Christian women: “Just be more like Jesus”

[3] What answer? I was more confused until I started picking through line by line. Imagine what the non-informed Christian man will think?

[4] That whole making disciples and teaching them thing. Nah. Here’s your Bible men, be more like Jesus. Good luck.

On the surface level I’m not exactly surprised to be honest. Most [Christian] women don’t know they shouldn’t be trying to teach men how to be men. Neither do most Christian men know they shouldn’t take advice about how trying to be a man or how to attract women from women.

The sad thing is that this is a product of the culture. Because most of us growing up innately believed the lies we were told that men and women are the same. We also implicitly believed that the other sex could understand each other and tell us relevant advice about how to do things. This can only be proved demonstratably false as the underlying premises are false. Culture pervades much more than we know, and we are supposed to only be in the world but not of the world.

As with all things coming out of churchianity there is some truth but it is marred by insidious heresy left and right. The lies are most deceptive when there are half truths mixed in.

Even after all that I believe her intent is good. But it’s quite poor execution, and women should not be telling men what women want anyway.

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19 Responses to Christianese for just be yourself

  1. A Regular Guy says:

    As a rule of thumb, when women (Christian or Otherwise) begin to describe what they are looking for in a man, I discount it out of hand. A man of faith chooses his future wife, not the other way around. If she refuses, kick the dust off your sandals and move on. No second chances, no looking back.

    If you are following any list or criteria set by a woman, you’re doing it wrong. Your faith in God comes first, her wish list second (if at all).

  2. donalgraeme says:

    Excellent breakdown and analysis DS.

  3. Don Quixote says:

    Good post DS.

    If we believe you will point us to Jesus when we are confused or heartbroken or in sin, we will be drawn to you.

    This is B/S.
    Anyone in sin will not be drawn to another in Christ. A woman in such a situation will do what they always do. More sin. And then more sin. [Think opposing magnets]

    Just know if it is God’s will for you to marry a girl, God WILL lead you to a marriage that will make you more Holy and therefore more happy.

    There is a serious problem here.
    Whoever wrote this thinks holiness and happiness go hand in hand. Wrong!
    When the author discovers that holiness and happiness are not bedfellows they will change dramatically and the marriage [relationship?] is now on the rocks… Jesus was called a man of sorrows, nobody was more holy than He.

    You might have to live life with a few godly girls before you meet the one you will marry, but that’s good!

    What? Where to begin…?
    I’m not sure what she was thinking. Casual sexual relationships? Or multiple marriages?
    Anyhoo, I hope the girl who wrote this pursues her faith and accepts the correction that God gives to His children. Perhaps she could be a good wife?

  4. I’d even question the intentions. “Wanting to help” and “knowing how to help” are utterly different things.

    I’d also highly question even the first statement. Women love their “life scripts”. You’ll meet very few Women that actually want God (Father, Son & Holy Spirit) in their life, what they want is their “personal” god. And I’m not being cynical on this point. When the Apostle Paul talked about the Deaconess being a widow above age 60, he wasn’t actually putting constraints. He was actually stating some deep observations about the way Women were created.

    Or, maybe I can more clearly state it: when life is “good” (which it is for nearly all young women in the Modern world), some want the “idea” of God. Very, very few actually want to take the consequences of following. The difference is enough for me to conclude that the first line is functionally worthless. If you do find one though, she’s probably already married, haha.

  5. Regular Guy says:

    Some of the comments above are on to something. The more I think about this circulated letter, the more it smacks of social cover for women who want courtship, marriage and something Godlike, but all of it on their terms.

  6. @ Regular Guy

    Yup, there a couple of key statements that temper all of things to a woman’s terms such as:

    “Does that mean we will want to marry you? Not necassarily. And that’s okay!”

    “Heck, its not even about getting a girlfriend in the first place!”

  7. ChildofRa says:

    Well wouldnt a women be following a list or criteria set by a man when he’s looking for someone as well?

  8. A Regular Guy says:

    No. She obeys God then what will happen will happen. Godly men chose their wives, not the other way around.

  9. ChildofRa says:

    Thats the point im making. A women has to follow a list or criteria that a man or god has place before her to be considered a godly wife. Its the same thing that the women in the post are doing the difference is gender.

  10. A Regular Guy says:

    Correct, as it should be.

  11. ChildofRa says:

    So what determines a godly man? Men still have to follow a list set by god himself in order for him to have a godly wife so they can work together to do godly things

  12. A Regular Guy says:

    In regards to a woman finding a suitable Christian man, this probably best answered by a Godly Man in a woman’s life who is responsible for her in some way, preferably a father, an uncle, a grandfather or a pastor. And prayer, lots of it. I understand many women don’t have the luxury of this, but it is better relying on her “intuition” or her standards. This is opposed to the letter in the article which is dubious at best.

  13. @ Childofra

    So what determines a godly man? Men still have to follow a list set by god himself in order for him to have a godly wife so they can work together to do godly things

    2 Peter 1:5 Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral [g]excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, 6 and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness, 7 and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love. 8 For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 For he who lacks these qualities is blind or short-sighted, having forgotten his purification from his former sins. 10 Therefore, brethren, be all the more diligent to make certain about His calling and choosing you; for as long as you practice these things, you will never stumble; 11 for in this way the entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ will be abundantly supplied to you.

  14. Coastal says:

    Having “taken the red pill” within the past few months, one thing that’s stood out to me is how women (including Christian women) will say that they want something in a man, yet their actions will contradict that in a heartbeat. I’m not saying that women are liars, it’s simply the fact that women don’t understand the nature of their own attraction and project their desires as what they want.

    Case-in-point: at a recent church men’s meeting, we had a panel of women that more or less spoke to the male audience about what they found attractive in men. They listed a lot of godly traits (fruits of the spirit), but in reality that’s not what actually attracts them. At this point, I’ve resolved to pay attention to what women actually do in regards to attraction instead of listening to what they say.

    Ah, yes the old bait and switcheroo. God does not promise us a spouse slightly blunted on the fact that “if it’s God’s will.” Marriage to make you more holy and thus happy? That’s from the Bible of Oprah rather than God.

    I feel like this deserves its own post. I get a little annoyed at the concept of “the one” and how Churchianity gives people the impression that God owes them a spouse. Outside of Adam and Hosea, marriage is presented as a choice rather than something that “just happens”. “He who finds a wife finds a good thing” implies that there’s actual work required in the search.

  15. Coastal says:

    ^Oops, that last paragraph is supposed to be normal text, not a blockquote.

  16. @ Coastal

    Fixed.

    I talked about similar concepts before here:

    https://deepstrength.wordpress.com/2014/01/17/god-doesnt-owe-you-anything/

    I know someone has written a post on how we aren’t owed wives. Maybe it was Donal. But I know I’ve discussed it before… but maybe not in its own post here.

  17. I have a distinct feeling that anything I may offer is unwelcome, but here it is anyway:

    You don’t marry to be happy. That is a delusion. You marry to do God’s Will in your life. The purpose of marriage is the procreation of children (barring, of course, factors over which you have absolutely no control). Now, you may be happily married, and that’s wonderful. But a lot of people aren’t. That’s life. Jane Austen wrote in one book that “happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance”, and it is absolutely true. Happiness is an “extra”. I don’t expect to be happy in marriage, I expect to be happy independent of the fact that I’m married.

    And this young lady is spot on that God will definitely send someone your way even when your prospects seem most bleak — provided He wants you to marry. There are people out there who didn’t meet a soul they were interested in until they finally stopped obsessing with the fact that “there was nobody to marry”.

  18. jack says:

    These are foolish women, who have been steeped in pride and are trying to create yet another variant of reworked feminism.

    I hope she and Jesus are very happy together.

    That said, I will wager $100 that at least 50% of the girls who sign on to this nonsense have participated in delicious, dangerous, oh-so-sexy fornication with the missionary date of their choice.

    Anyway, the final revival before the End of the Age will one day referred to as “The Great Shutting the F– Up.”
    This will be a massive worldwide revival where women from all walks of life realize that their greatest need now is to basically take a break from the last half-century of scolding and lecturing, and committing an act of sober self-examination – [b]in TOTAL FREAKING SILENCE[/b].

    We need a lot less talking from these women, not more, We need less of their opinions, not more. The universe deserves a short period of peace, free from the endless whining and complaining that is the heart and soul of pretty much everything that comes out of their mouths.

    Dear Lord, please give these women anything they want, provided they cease for a time from their endless badgering.

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