One commentor writes by e-mail about the demonization of masculinity and my comments on how husbands are not held responsible for their wives actions, roles, and responsibilities:
I tend to agree with you, however I was listening to Numbers 30 today and it makes me question whether or not we as husbands are more responsible than we even think we are.
Numbers 30:13-15 NASB
“Every vow and every binding oath to humble herself, her husband may confirm it or her husband may annul it.  But if her husband indeed says nothing to her from day to day, then he confirms all her vows or all her obligations which are on her; he has confirmed them, because he said nothing to her on the day he heard them.  But if he indeed annuls them after he has heard them, then he shall bear her guilt.”
That part about how he shall bear her guilt makes me think of Adam and the fall.
I would appreciate your take on this.
My current take on it is if my wife tells me something she is planning to do, right then is where it becomes my responsibility. If I agree with her, I become responsible for the decision as soon as I am made aware of it. If I disagree with the decision (let’s say your wife wants to take kids to visit in laws where they may be exposed to things they aren’t ready to deal with), I have to be prepared to stand up to my wife and lead, even if it is a fight, because acquiescence means I’m responsible before God for the decision, just like Adam.
This would not be easy in the case of a rebellious wife obviously, and I guess that’s where “game” or headship or however you want to define it comes into play.
Basically, husbands are responsible for making their opinion known when a wife makes a vow or oath or other decision.
The commentor is correct about how it is basically what happened to Adam with Eve. Adam should have right away told Eve that the fruit she was giving him they should not eat. Instead, he let it slide, and disobeyed God and ate of the fruit and also more the consequences. That’s why the punishment for Adam was not just that he ate the fruit, but also that he listened to the voice of his wife [over the command of God].
The reasoning behind this is very insightful into the power of God’s laws. Basically, if a wife does something that a husband doesn’t like whether it makes him uncomfortable or is against his beliefs then God wants the husband to speak up for it right away. This quashes such scenarios as letting molehills grow into mountains that become major problems later. If a man allows such things as nagging to go on, it will only grow worse and worse. Such issues should be quashed immediately.
As you can see by verse 14, by being silent God has basically stated that the husband as the head of the household is implicitly agreeing to whatever the wife is doing Hence, in verse 15, he becomes responsible for it by implicitly agreeing with it. You can compare this to if you’re Christian brother is in sin. If he’s in sin are you supposed to sit by silently and keep letting him sin? God forbid! Instead, we as Christians are called to gently admonish or rebuke him if necessary.
This scenario in particular is one of the roles and responsibilities that a husband has in a marriage. A husband doesn’t have responsibility for the wife’s actions, roles, and responsibilities, but he does have responsibility for making his opinion known on the matter whether it agrees or disagrees with her. Then his wife’s decision and actions to submit to it or not are her responsibility.
In conclusion, God wants the husbands to be assertive about his opinion not passive. Passivity is not the trait of a leader or head of the household and only leads to ruin.