Oneitis and the blue pill are manifestations of a man’s rationalization hamster

Sometimes I see a post on TRP and go to respond. Occasionally, it turns into a post. This post is mainly about seeing some of the boundaries of what falls in the categories of “human nature” and the “complementary differences in males and females”

In a post there was the conclusion that:

A man’s “oneitis” is usually based on logic. A woman’s “oneitis” is usually based on her emotions, which an Alpha can bring out.

This is a misunderstanding of the nature of humans as opposed to the nature of how males and females are complementary. Oneitis for both sexes is based in emotion. Let me explain.

Definitions:

  • Oneitis — when a man sees a woman as “the one” who is perfect for him.
  • AFBB or AF/BB — the strategy that women decide their mate choice on. AF is alpha f*cks which means she is sexually attracted to him (typically, because of his personality, social status, athleticism or looks) and BB is beta bux which means she is with him as a provider and support. BBs are typically effeminate men and aren’t able to see the nature of women well.
  • frivorces — frivolous divorce. Typically because a woman isn’t happy.

The scenario

Consider the BB (beta bucks) who believes that single mother who has been divorced 2 times with 3 children from those 2 marriages. She is 35 years old but still looks pretty good (7/10) and has 50k in college loan debt currently with a couple of maxed out credit cards. She is generally nice but has a mean streak when she gets irritated. BB gets oneitis for her and believes that she is his perfect woman. No amount of logic or facts from his friends or family will convince him that this woman is a poor choice. In fact, oneitis for the BB in this case is the emotional response which spins the logical mind to rationalize it the way the BB wants:

  • “The first 4 marriages the man didn’t treat her right; I will treat her right and she will change for me.”
  • “She just needs someone to understand her.”
  • “I can be a good father to her kids.”
  • “When she gets angry at me it’s cause I wasn’t loving her enough, or supporting her enough”
  • “I need to do more chores and housework because she’s exhausted.. that way she’ll be up for sex”
  • “Her debt is fine… I can pay it off and then we will live a happy life”
  • “Age is just a number… what matters is her personality”

Note this is the same type of emotional rationalization that women also go through when pining for an alpha. Ego is always filtered through emotion first and logic/rational thoughts second. Emotion is the baser animal instinct. Men tend to have an easier time seeing through emotion to use the rational mind, but in the case of oneitis in men the emotional center takes over and uses the mind to rationalize thoughts on why she is HIS one.

What drives the oneitis emotional response

Typically, in the case of men their thirst for sex and respect/attention is what drives the emotional response. They are so thirsty for sex and respect that any woman such as this woman (who is only after the support and money) makes him think that “wow, I’ve been working so hard and here is a woman who finally sees my worth” and gives him sex and attention. What he doesn’t see — because he is blinded by his emotional rationalization — is that she is using sex and attention for his for money and support — until she can’t stand him anymore and she frivorces him and takes half his assets and leaves him to live in some small apartment with nothing.

Even still, he may still pine for that oneitis. Or he may commit suicide because she was his “everything.” Or he grows as a man and realizes she was just using him like many of you here today.

Rationalization hamster in men and women versus complementary counterparts

It’s important to realize that there is no full dichotomy to everything in male versus female. Some conditions are just from being human and utilizing emotion first. Here are some examples:

  • Emotion first: Oneitis for a man = alpha widow for a female (e.g you pine for that individual even if they reject you and use you)
  • Emotion first: The red pill is seeing the world through a rational lens vs. the blue pill where you believe what you want to believe and rationalize the world based on how you want it to be. (e.g. red pill is about become a masculine man not some effeminate man that society tells you women want).
  • Emotional first: Blue pill rationalization of Elliot Rodger’s prior to going on the shooting spree: “I’m rich, have a nice car, I’m a NICE guy. Women should like me.” But they didn’t, and he started hating asian men and women enough to go kill them. Women weren’t even his primary target, but the media spun it as such. He killed more asian men than women.
  • Counterparts: Hot woman for a man = AF for female (e.g different manifestation of sexual attraction/arousal)
  • Counterparts: Fat women with a good personality and chef = BB for women (e.g. you like their company and food, but you’re grossed out by sex with them)

Regarding the second emotion point. The reason why you can’t argue with blue pillers, purple pill debate, feminists, or whatever, is because their arguments are based on emotion first. If it feels wrong, it is wrong. Hence,

  • Regret sex (didn’t want it) = rape.
  • Poor life choices (victim shaming) = bad.
  • Being male (penis envy) = privilege.
  • Choosing that you want a woman who can cook and take care of the house (patriarchy, holding down women) = evil.
  • Desiring a woman based on physical attraction (“judges” women) = Shallow. Shame on you men for not looking past physical appearance

A full rational approach — colloquially referred to as “taking the red pill” — allows you to see the world as it is: Women want to have sex with assertive, muscular, masculine men. Women want effortless winners. Women don’t want the burden of leadership. Therefore, be assertive, be muscular, be masculine, lead, and be an effortless winner. Thus, some of the examples of a man’s rationalization hamster = Being blue pill, or having oneitis, or shootings like Elliot Rodger.

Any time a man uses emotion first to determine a decision without thinking about the consequences and acting accordingly he is using his rationalization hamster. This is the root cause of many forms of sin.

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10 Responses to Oneitis and the blue pill are manifestations of a man’s rationalization hamster

  1. Jenny says:

    I’ve always considered oneitis a good thing. Sometimes people have difficulty with attachments because of too many sexual partners or having sex too early in life. Oneitis is a good trait, especially after marriage. Also as a woman, oneitis =commitment which is something I highly value in a man.

  2. donalgraeme says:

    @ Jenny

    Oneitis is only good to develop after marriage. In that sense it isn’t really even oneitis anymore- it should be the approach of “one and done”, or “the one and only.” I wouldn’t use the same term to describe both phenomena.

  3. Jonadab-the-Rechabite says:

    @ Jenny

    Monogamy and oneitis are not the same thing. Christian monogamy in marriage is a decision to covenant with one partner who is not perfect, but a sinner, forsaking all others, even if a better candidate comes along. Oneitis is the belief that there is one perfect partner for each person. It leads to fixation. Often when that partner turns out to be not perfect they separate to seek that one perfect partner, oneitis can lead to creepy stalking type of behaviors as well as blind foolish decisions, but most tragically oneitis is often the justification to destroy a family in the selfish pursuit of that one perfect true love.

  4. Scott says:

    Oneitis is only good to develop after marriage. In that sense it isn’t really even oneitis anymore- it should be the approach of “one and done”, or “the one and only.” I wouldn’t use the same term to describe both phenomena.

    This is an important distinction to make and one of the most difficult truths to swallow. It is the hardest to dislodge–as a result of Dalrocks explanation about marriage providing the “moral context to pursue sex and romance.”

    A FB friend of ours (Mychael and I have a joint/family page) who is a, single mom, serial monogamist/carousel rider recently posted a meme: “If you can love the wrong person THAT much, imagine how much you could love the RIGHT person.”

    I commented: “The right person is the one you married” and as usual, this did not go over well. Too painful.

  5. Cane Caldo says:

    While taking a breather from writing my next post, I come here only to find you have already written it! Ha!

  6. thehaproject says:

    Oneitis is inherently selfish and self-serving. It is not the self-sacrifice and commitment that men should display in marriage. It is believing that this one person will satisfy me and will fulfill me and make me complete. Oneitis is all about me, even though it appears as if it is about her.

  7. Robin Munn says:

    @Jenny –

    What you’re talking about, commitment, is an excellent thing, but that’s not what is meant by the term “oneitis”. Oneitis is the attitude that states, “There’s only one woman in the world that I could possibly marry.” (Substitute “one man” in your case, of course). Whereas commitment is the attitude that states, “There are many women in the world that I could have married, but this is the woman I have chosen to give my life to.”

    Oneitis, even in marriage, tends to lead to a groveling attitude, because if your one-and-only decides she doesn’t love you anymore and divorces you, your life would be ruined. Thing is, groveling is a good way to turn a woman off: she correctly perceives a groveling man as weak, and unable to protect her, and finds herself not attracted to him. The love of a man with oneitis flows out of his weakness, not his strength. Whereas a man who has commitment without having oneitis will have the attitude that says, “I’m committed to this woman and I will stick with her, because I made a promise to her.” And so he won’t have that fearful, groveling attitude: his love for her will flow out of the strength of his commitment and his moral courage. Which in turn will make him seem more masculine to her, and her attraction to him will grow.

  8. Pingback: Don’t Get Forked! | Son of Rechab

  9. Patrick Pedat Ebediyah Golston says:

    Tell me about it…I thought I was catching on, but I recently failed, guys. I’m ashamed that I failed. Everything I didn’t want to believe about the person, was damn near everything I’ve read and learned from you, DS, and from other men in the manosphere.

  10. Pedat Ebediyah says:

    Oneitis is inherently selfish and self-serving. It is not the self-sacrifice and commitment that men should display in marriage. It is believing that this one person will satisfy me and will fulfill me and make me complete. Oneitis is all about me, even though it appears as if it is about her.

    Amen.

    I can say that for far too long, my default has been the “Captain Sav-A-Ho” modality, which has cost me greatly.  I must redeem her, teach her, raise her, so she can be the type of godly woman that I need.  

    When men do this, they fail to “redeem the time”, and “give their strength to women” (mostly the undeserving), and operate out of vanity and even a messiah complex.

    Saving *ourselves*, being separate, unique, whole, and complete in Him, without any external validation should be the only goal.

    A complete man in Christ is not a sought after commodity, because women in this age simply do not desire such a man, nor have they desired to equip themselves to rise to the occasion to such a man.  Their default behavior is to use whatever wiles (personality and sexual availability) to loop in the low hanging fruit of men is the course of the day for them.

    In previous posts, DS has indicated that men need to resolve themselves to such, and self-actualize in Christ.   Engaging in the idolatry of oneitis for it’s own sake is futility personified.

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