Right then, for the first time, I fully realized that–because I was too chickenshit to appear sexist or hypocritical about work,–I had been passively hoping that she would pick “stay home, cook, and clean”, and therefore angry that–in the absence (and complete abdication) of my direction–she had chosen neither and both…just as I had demonstrated. Husbands don’t just need to be the leaders. Husbands are the leaders, and therefore must act accordingly. That’s not a guarantee that she will follow, but if she stays, she will follow. A wife cannot divorce staying a wife from following her husband anymore than a son can stay in his father’s home while refusing to mimic the father’s behavior, or reject his genetics. The consequences are unavoidable.
Generally speaking, because masculinity is demonized, men are waiting for permission to be leaders/headship of their home. They’re waiting for permission from their pastors, their friends, their wives, their children, and even their culture. Fat chance you’ll actually get this “approval” unless your church or social group is insulated from the culture and has strong Christian roots.
In reality, this approval is illusionary. Even if you get this approval, there’s no shortage of opinions decrying how it is evil, patriarchal, or otherwise bad in numerous ways. Dalrock’s recent post have some decrying it as archaic.
However, as I explored in the demonization of masculinity the truth is even more insidious than that. It’s not JUST that men are waiting for permission to be the leaders or heads of their household. Rather, it goes deeper to the fundamental level.
Men are waiting for permission to be men.
The sad reality is that men are waiting for permission to be men when they are already men. They’re waiting for permission for something they already are.
To be honest, now that I realize this it’s a hilarious caricature. We’re sitting here in the manosphere blogging about being a Christian and being masculine. We’re trying to find or regain something which we already are. It’s quite absurd.
It’s really a testament to free will. Humans are the only beings that can act against their nature. Animals can’t do that. Sometimes it’s bad such as when we use our free will to submit to the flesh rather than the Spirit. But wow, it sure is bad when we use our free will as men to act feminine rather than masculine.
However, I think the real irony is that it’s actually very hard work to go against your biologically masculine nature. Even in ‘failure’ you still have choices. What you do decides if you control your life or not. For example, if you ask a girl out and she says “let’s just be friends” and you don’t want to be friends? Just say no. Men too often look for approval for their actions to get the yes or no. Instead, men should know that they’re in control of their lives at all times and should give out the yes or no.
John 10:7 So Jesus again said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, I am the door of the sheep. 8 All who came before me are thieves and robbers; but the sheep did not heed them. 9 I am the door; if any one enters by me, he will be saved, and will go in and out and find pasture. 10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.
We’re waiting for permission to walk out of the mediocrity of other’s expectations when we already know who we are in Jesus.
Life and life abundantly. It’s an amazing thing when a man is at peace with his masculinity like it is with a woman in her femininity. It’s who we were created to be.