In another post on this blog, a commentor says:
“Will women feel attracted or rather respect a man who walks in those ways? Yes.
Does it mean she’ll want to have a relationship with him or marry him? Not necessarily. All of us have some other descriptors other than godly masculinity or godly femininity that we look for in a potential spouse. For example, I may prefer that my wife has a high preference for working out and nutrition. That’s obviously not going to be every Christian man… and I may pass up Christian women who would make good spouses because of this criteria. Likewise, a Christian woman could want a man who is a better musician than herself. That may select me out of the pool if she plays music professionally, but it also cuts down on her potential pool.”
I think they find a godly masculine Christian man attractive more-so in a way that is “noble” or “admirable”.
From what I’ve largely observed (and minimally experienced), while women might be in awe of such a man, their programming only allows the man to secure mostly a superficial level of attraction, because now she has to step up her game.
Either she’s going to fake it till she makes it (I had a woman put up a very well thought and executed “persona’ that it took over a year to shatter), or she’s going to shit test the hell out of you to see if you’re really “so good and godly”, or she’s going to friend zone you.
I’m not confident in a woman wanting a devout man just for it’s own sake. Something has to be in it for her.
Of course this may sound cynical, but if say, you, DS, won a Nobel prize for the study of Christian Masculinity, I’d venture to say that most women (other than your family members or close friends) will hardly be impressed, unless the fact that you won the prize is going to result in something that will be to her benefit.
What’s in it for them?
Even during the times when I was firing on all cylinders, holding frame, walking in the fruits of the Spirit, and exercising healthy-as-all-get-out boundaries, I still had women looking at me sideways.
I want to discuss this in the context of some prior posts.
First, back when I discussed what I look for in evaluating a potential wife 2, there were various things that fell into multiple categories:
- Evidence of a relationship with God
- Evidence of godly earthly relationships in reference to God
- Evidence of cultivated godly femininity
- Evidence of chastity in attitude and deed
- Evidence of attraction/chemistry
- Evidence of a willingness for family prioritization
Likewise, I brought up questions and topics to learn about your prospective spouse.
The main point of the various questions is to examine a woman’s relationship with God. That is does she set aside time in her walk for reading the Scriptures, prayer, fasting, and meditation… and does she apply those things to her daily life.
A relationship with God is one thing. I can ask a woman about that if she is reading Scripture, praying, meditation and fasting. But it’s another to see those things in action: evidence in earthly relationships, godly femininity, chastity, and family prioritization.
For me the best way to vet a woman is to care about two things:
- Regularly ask her what she is learning about God in her daily walk.
- Regularly ask her how she is applying it.
A woman who is not consistent with her walk is going to give you vague answers. For example, I’ve had “Christian” women do this to be before where they give some non-committal answer about how God was teaching them about humility or patience without details. The devil is in the details: is a woman cannot provide details about her daily walk and what she is learning it’s likely she is just making something up to satisfy your question.
Humility and patience are like the catch-all of generic answers. Everyone gets prideful and angry so they’re the easiest go tos. No one wants to admit they struggle with envy, gluttony, lust, greed or sloth though — especially no woman.
I’ve also met some Christian women who have told me their walk hasn’t been so good recently. While this is a yellow flag at least they’re being honest. They know that they haven’t been as good in their daily walk as they should be and know they should change. Their heart is open to doing the right thing. Whereas with the other women who make something up their heart is about looking better not doing the right thing.
Next, a woman that is growing in Christ is applying the Word. She knows that she should be putting it into practice with others. If you’re only learning about God and not putting it into practice then it’s worthless. It’s like James says that “Faith without Works is dead.” Someone who is truly saved by faith is being constantly transformed to be more like Jesus — their works are tangible evidence of their transformation.
Finally, their attitude really tells you everything you need to know. When I examine what someone says it is not what they say that I am examining. It is how they are saying and their attitude towards it. For instance, the women above show it in their attitude. Usually a woman who is trying to cover up their lack of a walk and lying about it tends to divert the topic from that area or ends up dismissing it in some way or another. Your walk with God is THE most important thing in your Christian walk because it spills over to everything else. Someone whose attitude is not rooted in their walk and by extension their walk not manifesting tangibly is someone who is not truly grounded in Christ.
It boils down to the fact that you make time for that which is most important to you. If women are not making time for God or for relationships then they’re not on the right track. Sometimes we get off track as I do sometimes, but those who welcome admonition to get back on ther right track have enough humility to see that they were moving in the wrong direction. Those who cover it up and deny are not.