I’ve been thinking about permission for a while, and Dalrock’s latest post on Don’t blame heartiste for equating alpha with virtue was at the forefront. Here’s what I wrote in permission:
Men are waiting for permission to be men.
The sad reality is that men are waiting for permission to be men when they are already men. They’re waiting for permission for something they already are.
To be honest, now that I realize this it’s a hilarious caricature. We’re sitting here in the manosphere blogging about being a Christian and being masculine. We’re trying to find or regain something which we already are. It’s quite absurd.
It’s really a testament to free will. Humans are the only beings that can act against their nature. Animals can’t do that. Sometimes it’s bad such as when we use our free will to submit to the flesh rather than the Spirit. But wow, it sure is bad when we use our free will as men to act feminine rather than masculine.
I wanted to explore this concept a bit more because it relates to the gamers and anti-gamers crowd that has appeared again over in Dalrock’s comments.
Free will is the thing that distinguishes us from animals and allows us to act differently from baser instincts. For example, look at the pecking order of any species where there are “alphas” and “betas” where alphas get preference in mating and betas get the relative scraps. What you will see is that those that are “alphas” act that way in all areas of their lives whereas the “betas” act like that in all areas of their lives.
Humans have the unique distinction. He could be an amazing physicial, a high powered lawyer, a high ranking politician, a hollywood actor, a guitar player for a famous band, or other type of powerful or high status position. He has the right attitude, ambition, work ethic, and vision to be successful in the context of society, business, career, hobby or chosen area of expertise. However how high this man is in a powerful or social status position he could be absolutely terrible with women if he holds the wrong attitude towards women. This is what I mean by selective deception.
Churchianity, along with society and feminism, have played a great role in this deception. It encourages Christian men to respect Christian women when they shouldn’t. It encourages Christian men be at the beck and call of women who need help. It encourages Christian men that good headship is approval from the wife or if she is happy which sets her up on a pedastal and makes him a slave to her feelings.
Now, growing as a man is not just about women. Masculinity “is” a lot of things in the Scriptures:
- BEING a man (or otherwise, be of your nature)
- Assertive and proactive, especially for the laws of God
- Maturing, especially in love
- Independent — some men leave their father and mother and never marry.
- Provider, if married to household, if not at least to himself
Aside from the commands of the husbands in the Scriptures which are:
- Don’t withhold sex (1 Corinthians 7)
- Be the head (Eph 5)
- Love wife as Christ loved the Church and as his own body (Eph 5)
- Live with in an understanding way with the weaker vessel and show her honor as a co-heir in Christ (1 Pet 3)
Now, in particular you may ask in what context do the shades have to be pulled back on selective deception in terms of human nature and acting like women. This is a very difficult question. I think, generally, there are concepts on socialization which I explored before in these 4 articles:
- The Socialization of men and women
- The selfish and unselfish socialization of men
- Masculinity is the truth
- Masculinity is the truth Part 2
Specifically, the differing nature of masculine and feminine socialization operate along these two axioms that I talked about in the first link:
1. The tendency of women’s socialization is to agree with each other and validate each other.
2. The tendency of men’s socialization is to be critical, challenging, ribbing, teasing, and mock insulting of each other.
It’s not so much that a man is a “jerk” or “asshole” in the sense of the words. It’s that a man is able to show a woman his masculinity without holding back. Nice guys are men who are able to show their masculinity to other men but hide their masculinity from women.
Masculinity drives men to be better men and women to be better women. This is what civilization is built on, and why “patriarchy” builds civilization. Therefore, don’t be afraid as a man to be critical, challenging, ribbing, teasing, and mock insulting to women just like you would be to other men.
Men who are able to show the same masculine side that they show to men with women are ones who are attractive or “alpha.” They are the ones who are teasing women for messing up. They are the ones who are challenging their mediocrity. They are the ones who are ribbing them or teasing them if they are being silly or confused.
Men who are not deceived or deluded into thinking that women are some “special snowflake” and you “have to treat her right” (or whatever that means) display their masculinity with women as well. They will be critical of her, challenge her, rib her, tease her, and mock insult her just like he does with any other man. Consequently, this makes said man who is able to socialize with women as he does with men attractive to this woman.
This obviously requires that men have a ground of men to challenge themselves with and who are sharpening each other just as iron to iron. Men who are left wayward and drifting in society have no framework for what masculine behavior is in the first place even in terms of just socialization and other interactions with men. However, the type of behavior is within all of us; we just need to let it out.
There is something to be said for boys acting like boys and girls acting like girls when young. What parents and schools should do is to guide boys on the path to be men to direct the assertiveness, the aggression, the ambition, and all of the driving and competititve traits in a good direction. However, instead in most cases boys are medicated or perhaps even worse taught to be more like women and have their spirits beaten out of them.
Generally speaking, this is why men need to have good relationships with men and mentors because we spur each other on in that way. Thus, a man who develops his masculinity with other men has a spillover effect to women where he acts like a man around them as well.