Sunshine has an interesting post up based on her experiences of boys liking ditzy (or dizzy) girls rather than the smart girls when growing up. This is pretty objective material. Everyone can observe that this is a reality. Now, the question is why.
When I was in high school, one of my best friends was a very intelligent girl named Lynn. She and I were both good students, usually earning good grades and scoring near the top of our class in standardized testing. Though I dressed up for school and had long hair, the jock-type boys made fun of me whenever I blipped across their radar for being verbally praised by a teacher (otherwise, being at best an average-looking girl, they never paid me any mind), and they called Lynn and me “lesbians”. I was mortified and grossed out by that (this was before being gay was Super Cool) and totally baffled as to why being a smart girl equaled being a lesbian in their eyes.
[…] Read the rest for the whole post.
I generally shy away from the explanation that such name calling is done in the basis of feeling insecure. After all, that’s the same argument that feminists would use to defend men not liking strong independent women. Men are “scared” or “threatened” by a woman’s intelligence, independence, sexuality, or whatever else. I find this highly unlikely to be the case that boys would do this when boys have the same biological nature as men.
The clear cut reason why men don’t like independent women is because of the attitude that comes with it. They typically act snarky, generally derisive of male attention, and other types of behavior that repel men.
Thus, the truth is probably closer to the fact that women who do well at school tend to act:
- like they have superior intelligence (even though doing well at “school” doesn’t necessarily mean you’re smart).
- like know-it-alls looking for ways to correct you or make you look foolish (and if there’s one thing men don’t like it’s a lack of respect).
- like teacher’s pets (and since teachers are supposed to be impartial and they often don’t act that way it tends to breed an intense dislike).
- female conformity to social standards versus boys like to test boundaries.
The first 3 being annoying and unfeminine, and the last one is rooted in biological behavior due to testosterone.
Now, I don’t doubt that maybe a few boys may react that way out of insecurity. However, I don’t think that behavior would be expressed over grades as grades can be boosted by “busy work” that boys often have an intense dislike for. Jealousy or envy inspired comments are more likely to be expressed over doing better on standardized tests like the SAT or college admission, and this would be specifically in competitive minded boys. Boys that are teasing with poor grades are just teasing because they want to and think it’s fun.
This lends credence to the explanation which underlies teasing. There is some merit in that fact that boys know how to instinctively treat women which is to tease them. Except they don’t have the knowledge of what “going to far” means.
Boys specifically do not have a filter and are more willing to just say or do what comes to their mind. Part of the reason that men have become soft and feminine is because this has been conditioned out of them. As I described in the socialization of men and women, the communication styles of men and women are different.
However, men tend to socialize on an entirely different wavelength. What men say and do to their friends is equivalent to mock insulting each other, ribbing each other, teasing each other, and giving each other sh*t for everything and anything.
Thus, we have these two axioms:
- The tendency of women’s socialization is to agree with each other and validate each other.
- The tendency of men’s socialization is to be critical, challenging, ribbing, teasing, and mock insulting of each other.
This is masculine behavior. We are men, and we are not afraid to challenge each other to be better men through some good natured ball busting. When you see something that looks like weakness, insecurity, or misbehavior in your friend, you will ream your friend out for it. That is how one becomes a man in this world; he is able to overcome challenges set before him, “especially spurred on by other men.
Women are attracted to this masculine behavior, and it’s one of the reasons why they want into men exclusive spaces. As much as being validated makes a woman feel good temporarily, a woman being challenged to stay on her toes by teasing, mock insulting, ribbing, and him giving her sh*t for her words and actions is much more “fun” and “interesting.”
Given that I think boys’ teasing is more biologically rooted that many first think. However, in elementary and even middle school boys have not been through puberty yet. Hence, the teasing is there which sets them up for procreative success, but puberty has not hit and there’s very little to no interest in women. Hence, it seems to us “unbiased observers” that boys are just naturally mean to girls that are supposedly smarter than them even when they dress femininely. Add into the fact that it’s socially cooler to make fun of those who are intelligent or do better in school, and you have a recipe that makes it seem like ditzy girls over smart girls.
- Biologically speaking boys act closer to masculinity than most men in our culture because they haven’t been indoctrinated to go against their nature of being a male. This shows up in their actions and language which is typically Ritalin’d by schools and parents to enforce compliance.
- “Ditzy” or “dizzy” girls more likely follow a boy’s lead femininely, respectfully, and enthusiastically, which is in line with the nature that God has created in men. It’s no surprise that boys would gravitate to that type of women.
- Boys respond to negative attitude cues from girls which turn them off to so-called intelligent, know-it-all, teacher pets which is why they tease them for it. Girls and women often have little to no respect for boys or men they perceive are less smart or less intelligent than them. Instead, they have contempt.
- A small subset of boys may tease because of insecurity if they are also academically driven (not many boys nowadays fit this profile).
- There is also a pressure to “act cool” in terms of jocks versus nerds. This may be the case if they look at once another and laugh, but may or may not be a main motivator.
- Boys don’t know what “going too far” means yet since they haven’t been taught that, and they aren’t in puberty which means they don’t have [sexual] interest in the women they are teasing. Attraction alters the behavior of boys and men alike.
I think the issue is multifaceted, but it has more to do with biological nature and roles than most think due to the nature of how God created men and women.