The aspects of forgiveness and bitterness is victim mentality

I figured this goes well with the 3 elephants in the room post.


A reader and I were discussing forgiveness. Specifically, there were multiple points that describe how we are supposed to forgive:

  1. Releasing them to the Lord — e.g. Lord’s Prayer, Jesus on the cross, Stephen being stoned. Basically, if someone sins against us it is not our job to look for an apology or to be asked for forgiveness. We give up the injury to the Lord.
  2. Forgiving those who have sinned against you who repent. Basically, as Jesus said if your brother sins to you and comes to you to repent you should forgive him. Over and over if he sins again and repents.

However, nowhere in the Scriptures does it say to ask for forgiveness. This is often tacked on by parents when teaching their kids if they do something wrong they should ask for forgiveness. In general, this deprives the person doing the forgiving of their free will right to forgive. Instead, it places pressure on them to say “yes” to forgive that person.

Obviously, we want people to forgive on their own free will and not be coerced into forgiving someone just because they are asking.


Harboring insults, acts against you, and lies of the sort are bitterness.

Bitterness is essentially victim mentality because you believe that you have a right to hold onto whatever was said or done by having a grudge against it. This is opposed to giving the injury or insult to the Lord. Thus, we can say that “bitterness” is making injuries and insults into idolatry. The idolatry of holding onto your pain.

It is easier for a victim to hold onto their pain as it makes them feel righteously angry, but the righteous anger festers to become bitterness and like a poison spreads through the body.

Although we have been sold a bad bill of goods in many cases, we need to give it up to the Lord. It’s OK to be angry, even righteously angry, but it needs to be given to the Lord before it insidiously starts worming it’s way into relationships and sabotaging them from the inside out.

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7 Responses to The aspects of forgiveness and bitterness is victim mentality

  1. Pingback: The aspects of forgiveness and bitterness is victim mentality |

  2. Pedat Ebediyah says:

    Easier said than done.

    I’m reminded of Paul’s statements about Alexander the Coppersmith. He emoted that the Father would repay him for the crap he was taken through.

    I feel that way sometimes. I swing between turning over my Alexanders to the Lord, or exposing their fraud to everyone and anyone of interest.

    For me it’s less victimization than ego, I suppose.

    I believe in justice and correctness at all times in all places in the known universe for all people without exception. When I’m confronted with people whose ideals and behaviors are contrary to that, it’s always a test for me. I never start anything with anyone, ever, and have to grow out of the need to finish. I loathe common instigators, interlopers, covetors, and agent provocateurs of any sort.

    The solution for me has been a slow process of consecration. Long time dead weight (especially female associates) is being purged. Places I will not go. People with whom I will not associate. Conversations no longer worth having. Expectations from anyone or anything…no longer a factor.

    As far as bitterness is concerned, I can’t claim that as much as I’ve seen in others. Love and the opportunity to do so has never been lost on me. I’ve known lots of it, had lots of beauty and joy in my life. Not only that, even NOW, during my time of God-mode (Monk mode) I still have opportunities that have presented themselves with no action being taken on my part at all. Selection and opportunity has never been an issue. It’s been quality. So in my life, I have to own that it was MY choice to troll the few pigstys that I have. I own that. I didn’t get invited there, I went there. I’m content now to go nowhere. Just sit at His feet and chill. I have nowhere to be anytime soon, and it’s a very comforting place to be.

    People are bitter because they aren’t satisfied. A lack of content is the fruit of much bitterness. Sometimes we need to just chill.

  3. @ Pedat Ebediyah

    Everything is always easier said than done. 🙂

    That’s why the Father and Jesus sent us the Holy Spirit.

  4. Pedat Ebediyah says:

    Word, brother.

    Without the Holy Spirit, I’d be in jail, in the white rubber room, humiliated, ruined, homeless, or dead. So my own strength is null…

    This DeepStrength is God-breathed, yo…

  5. Looking Glass says:


    Without the Holy Spirit I’m bed-ridden and left to rot in life. We forget that Samson’s strength was directly from the Spirit itself, and God does provide it when you really need it. I’ve made it through times when I’ve had no energy to give and nothing to tap from, but the Lord guides and protects His disciples. It is wonderful to be able to reflect on, though hard to understand when experiencing.

  6. Pedat Ebediyah says:

    @Looking Glass…

    “It is wonderful to be able to reflect on, though hard to understand when experiencing.”

    Oh wow, I think I uttered these same words last night to a friend of mine and I had not seen your post!

    Indeed it’s so easy now, right? But when we’re doubled over in pain, in tears, on the verge of cracking up, going postal, just wanting to crawl in a corner and die…not so much.

    So when I boast in Him, I don’t care how it sounds to others. As severely as I’ve been chastised and humbled, I am absolutely convinced that it’s all for my good. The bullets I’ve dodged have not been because of my reflexes, but because my Father loves me…in all of my sootiness.

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