I was sent this link by a reader.
The first part is a background on their ministry, but the second part is an amusing monologue which fails to recognize the situation.
I have fought to understand the struggle men face. I have fought to have compassion. I have encouraged wives to extend forgiveness, to willingly and joyfully give themselves to their husbands. But you know what? I just don’t know how I can keep doing it. Not when so many husbands are deceptively defiling the marriage bed. Not when so many young, single men are recklessly defiling the future marriage bed. Not when so many men seem just plain unwilling to change.
Is it really that difficult? You would almost think that this one sin is beyond the power of the Holy Spirit.
Men, you are supposed to be modeling holiness before the world (Titus 2:6-8). You are supposed to be cherishing your wives as Christ cherishes his church (Ephesians 5:25). You are supposed to be abstaining from all sexual immorality (1 Thessalonians 4:3). You are supposed to be fleeing youthful passions (2 Timothy 2:22). Why are so many of you failing at these basic tasks? Is it really that difficult? You would almost think that this one sin is beyond the power of the Holy Spirit.
You who keep choosing to sin, you who keep visiting those websites, you who have secret lives you keep hidden from your friends and your wives: Why won’t you stop? You know that God loves to give victory over every sin. You know that God calls you to pursue sanctification. You know that the Holy Spirit equips you to succeed. God has given you everything you need in the gospel. So why do you keep failing? The only conclusion I can come to is that you are so consumed with self-gratification that you are not willing to fight, and I mean really willing to fight, this sin. If it’s not that you can’t, it must be that you won’t.
I plead with you. I plead with you on behalf of your wives, on behalf of your future wives, on behalf of Christian women everywhere: Stop. Just stop.
Stop believing that this is a special sin that women just can’t understand—we do understand sin. This isn’t a special sin, it is just sin: God-belittling, Christ-mocking, Spirit-despising sin. Stop pretending like there are no future consequences to your actions. Stop putting your selfish desires first. Stop engaging in activities that bring shame on the gospel. Stop doing things that leave us picking up the pieces of your devastated wife. Stop indulging in your sin, and start thinking and acting like a God-honoring, Christ-praising, Spirit-glorifying man. For the love of God and his church, stop.
Just in case the blog owner over there reads it I should mention that I’ve written on the topic of male sexuality before on multiple occasions. To be even more honest, I’m quite surprised the author’s husband hasn’t given her the run down on male sexuality.
- Discussing sex and virginity with a potential spouse is important
- The FYI on male sexuality
- Male and female sexual desire is not sinful
- Sexuality and the transition from single to married
In reality, I can only shake my head and give a half hearted laugh at the failure of women to actually understand and ignore the two big fat elephants in the room in marriage. What I really want to say is “LOLOLOL” because the answer is always staring you right in the face in the Bible.
Essentially, women are not taught that sex FEELS like a need most of the time for most men. This is how God created men. It’s a gnawing hunger that is low level most of the time, but it can spike up to “OMG I feel like I’m going to die if I don’t get something to eat” type of hunger at times.
I feel like I shouldn’t have to explain because it’s straight out of the Bible. When wives deny their men sex they will start getting tempted to go to it from other places.
1 Corinthians 7:3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Remember the survey I referenced in Half of women marry the best sex of their lives? Well, if you don’t here’s the scary thing:
According to a recent study by iVillage, less than half of wedded women married the person who was the best sex of their lives (52 percent say that was an ex.) In fact, 66 percent would rather read a book, watch a movie or take a nap than sleep with a spouse.
2/3 of wives would rather read a book, watch a movie, or take a nap than have sex with their husbands. Yep, that’s quite a large percentage. Ultimately, we don’t know if it’s more. Read a book, watch a movie, or nap are mundane things. What about things women actually find “fun” like hanging out and talking with their girl friends? Would that be 80-90% of the time than spending time with their husbands and having sex?
How many wives are overweight or obese? As I wrote about again already about 68% of American adults are overweight or obese. Obviously, you should see where I am going with this.
Wives need to be told, even at the expense of their feelings, that they need to stay physically attractive for their husbands and they need to have sex with him. Otherwise, it increases the temptation for him to look to outside sources to sate his sexual drive such as pornography and adultery.
- Husband has strong sex drive.
- Husband wants to have sex with his wife.
- Husband gets turned down by wife from sex. <— sinful by disobedience of 1 Cor 7
- Husband still has strong sex drive and is now tempted to look elsewhere. Husband should turn to God.
- Husband gives into temptation when he strays to pornography or adultery. <— sinful by turning sexually to other places other than the wife
The point I am making with this post is if the wife had sex with her husband in 3 then 4 and 5 never happen. This is the whole point of the 1 Corinthians 7 passage: further sexual temptation doesn’t happen at all. Let me also note that the positions are reversed sometimes: the wife has a stronger sexual drive than her husband. Husbands should not turn down their wives in this case either via 1 Cor 7.
Now, I am willing to admit that some Christian husbands are actually addicted to other things other than their wives such as porn. They need to get help. They are the few in most cases. This also doesn’t absolve Christian husbands of responsibility not to view porn or commit adultery. However, I would bet that if the vast majority of Christian husbands had an attractive wife who wanted to have sex with them then the vast majority if not all of these extra dalliances would go away.
It goes without saying that husbands should likewise work to become physically attractive themselves and strong, confident heads in marriage.
You want to solve the dilemma with Christian husbands and porn and adultery and other dalliances? First, simply accept the reality of the male sex drive that God created, and acknowledge what the Scriptures say in 1 Corinthians 7 is the solution to it: have sex with each other so that you won’t be tempted to other things! Then start telling wives to actually have sex with their husbands, and have a frank conversation about attractiveness and physical appearance.
Sadly, this post will most likely fall on deaf ears and be called “victim blaming” or whatever else goes for feminist rhetoric nowadays. A “oneness” problem is generally both spouses problem, not just one or the other.
Hopefully this is the last post on sexual things I’ll do for a while. I’m tired of beating a dead horse. Back to the regularly scheduled programming tomorrow.