In one of my previous posts, a female commenter linked this post as a “good example” of what a single Christian man is like.
Now, I’m not going to go through and list all of the points. There are some good points though such as avoid TV (though it’s used to create a tenuous conclusion on “beauty standards”), treating others how you want to be treated (paraphrased), recognizing culture influences what we see. However, most of the points seem to be muddled in some version of what it means to be a single Christian… not a single Christian interested in marriage. In fact, most of the articles I’ve read recently are of this nature.
In my opinion, this is another take on the feminization of men in the Church. As I pointed out from Thoughts on a clear vision for authentic manhood, there is a tendency to tilt away from the value of the masculine which values achievement, goal setting, and the like. However, the command to men given in Genesis 1 and 2 is to take dominion over the earth and work [the ground]. The common theme that often comes up is shift away from masculine values to feminine values.
Additionally, although it is not explicitly stated there is the air of false humility in terms of beauty. This is another one of the traps that I’ve explained before which is very common among Christians to believe that going after beauty or valuing beauty is somehow evil because the “inside matters and not the outside.” This is simply another form of gnosticism that rejects the flesh as if it were evil.
I think the main thing men need to be taught is to simply embrace their nature first. You don’t need permission to be a man. Likewise, we don’t need permission to understand that men thrive under competition, goal setting, achievement, and other object oriented tasks. Embrace striving to become a godly masculine man. Embrace the process of finding a wife. Embrace being the head of the relationship with your woman following your lead. Your woman doesn’t “let” you do anything. If you have your own goals that you want to set or your own process it’s not bad unless it’s directly specific sin.
It’s not evil or bad to desire these things yet often we think that it is. We have so much freedom in Christ, yet so many people often tell us that our masculine nature or the things that come out of our masculine nature are evil simply because it doesn’t align with their beliefs or their version of feminized Christianity.
As I described in Lens of Bias, women often have the most to “criticize” about men and how we carry things out. I discussed the problematic nature of biasing in the article. However, let me discuss a more important point here. In the particular article everything was characterized as things that are bad:
Despite the generally hilarious claims of the manosphere’s Christian rump to be interested in traditional sex roles and traditional understandings of marriage and authority, they ignore the obvious traditions when those traditions mean some woman somewhere might have actual social status and a respected position in her community beyond being a wife or a mother. They write endless screeds on marriage readiness as a sort of role playing game where it’s just a matter of hitting some benchmarks with “the current girl” enough times and you’ll get to the final boss fight (wedding ceremony) of Marriage: The Quest for a Purest of Pure Godly Submissive But Also Hardbodied Wife. Or they write about finding a wife as though it’s about sifting through character traits like a basket of costumes, wearing only the ones “women care about the most”.
I freely admit that I’m looking for a woman who I am very physically attracted to. That’s important to me. But guess what? If you want a purest of the pure godly submissive hard body wife then go search for one. That’s what I looked for, and that’s what I found.
Are my desires ungodly? No? Then why are my desires being caricatured as being evil by a supposedly Christian women? I’ve also received criticism before that looking for a wife should be about finding someone to love or someone to make you happy. While those things are fine they are not Scriptural or even the be-all end-all of finding a wife.
Part of learning to be a man is that everyone wants to advise you. Everyone seems to like giving advice, and everyone believes their advice is right. Women, in particular, like impressing their advice on you like it is the gospel. Be careful what advice you take if any.
Here is the simple fact of the matter. It’s up to you to steward your life to accomplish the goals and dreams that have been put in your heart [by God]. You can get wise counsel. You can get foolish counsel. But at the end of the day everything that you do is your responsibility. A wife and family is just one facet of how masculinity is walked out in life. Women want MEN. God created it that way.
The “most eligible Christian bachelor” is a godly and mature masculine man knows what he believes both in Christ and in his desires and preferences. Shaming him doesn’t affect him in the slightest. He knows what he wants and is confident and diligent to work for it. He is a leader, and he understands that conflict is an opportunity to test his mettle to make righteous decisions. [Insert other manly traits/actions here].