I saw this making some rounds on facebook. The author takes a curious naming scheme for his post on women don’t want to be pursued. However, he makes some very good points many of which we have discussed previously. I wanted to bring this back up in the wake of this being discussed among Dalrock’s exposure of Focus on the Family and marriage counseling heresy.
I’ve discussed this concept previously in a peripheral manner. However, this is a good time to show from the Scriptures why men do not pursue women. In fact, not only do men NOT pursue women, the entirety of the Christian faith is the reverse of this.
Here is an excerpt:
Did Jesus pursue people?
Think about this question:
Is there anywhere in the life of Jesus, as seen in the Gospels, where He pursued someone?
To make easy for you, the answer is “NO”.
In fact, Jesus almost seemed to do the exact opposite. He would purposefully tell people to do things that are literally impossible like, “Be perfect like my Father in heaven is perfect.” (Matthew 5:48)
Then, He would teach in parables purposefully so some would get it and others wouldn’t.(Matthew 13:13)
Then, He would say the most offensive things and whole crowds would leave Him. Things like “Eat my flesh, and drink my blood.” (John 6:53)
And the crazy thing is, He didn’t seem to care. In fact, He even asked His disciples if they’re going to leave as well as if He was challenging them to do so. (John 6:67)
Jesus was the most powerful, loving, and confident man they had ever met.
He wasn’t needy. He didn’t need someone to recognize who He was.
He wasn’t controlled by anything. Nothing anybody thought about Him controlled Him.
He didn’t need to have certain experiences to feel validated.
He didn’t promote Himself. In fact, He went against what we would do and waited 30 years before starting His ministry.
Instead, He loved life, was lead by compassion, and believed in who He was as a Son that had all the resources of heaven backing Him up.
And because of that, everyone was drawn to Him. They wanted Him.
Very poignant points are made about how Jesus is not the one doing the pursuing. This is an immutable fact. However, there is a context to this which I think is important to note.
Since we are given the analogy that Jesus and the Church is husbands and wives, we have the example of Jesus and the disciples and their interactions. The role of the husband in these relationships is to initiate. The role of the wife is to respond AND follow. Take note of Jesus calling the disciples:
Matthew 4:18 Now as Jesus was walking by the Sea of Galilee, He saw two brothers, Simon who was called Peter, and Andrew his brother, casting a net into the sea; for they were fishermen. 19 And He *said to them, “[h]Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men.” 20 Immediately they left their nets and followed Him. 21 Going on from there He saw two other brothers, [i]James the son of Zebedee, and [j]John his brother, in the boat with Zebedee their father, mending their nets; and He called them. 22 Immediately they left the boat and their father, and followed Him.
- Jesus initiating: “Follow Me”
- Disciples responding: ‘Dropped their nets’ AND ‘followed Him.’
This is the key not just for Jesus and the Church or husbands and wives but all of the Christian faith. There is a large fallacy, especially in evangelical circles, that God [and Jesus] is pursuing you and wants to capture your heart.
Obviously, this type of deception is most likely born out of the ubiquitous nature of the Disney Princess(tm) and romantic love. This is the elevation of Romantic Love as the rule of morality rather than God’s commandments. Obviously, the rise of romantic love rather than roles and responsibilities within Christian circles gives rise to the EAP — Evangelical American Princess.
As Dalrock so elequently puts it in Lovestruck:
Because it is love and not marriage which now confers morality upon sex, sex outside of marriage is now considered moral so long as you are in love. Thus we have the modern harlot’s defense/anthem “but we were in love!”. It is also entirely logical for gays to demand the equal right to “declare their love” via marriage under this new twisted paradigm.
Likewise, with the Christian walk we see that God the Father initiates in a similar way. God uses Christians to spread the gospel. The gospel is an invitation by God to get to know Him better. The invitation is this: All have sinned and fallen short of God. Jesus died for your sins. Repent and be born again. Follow Him.
- The Father initiates: “Gospel: All have sinned and fallen short of God. Jesus died for your sins. Repent and be born again. Follow Him.
- Sinners respond to the invitation of the gospel message by repenting and following.
God does not pursue us. Instead, He calls us to pursue and follow Him. For example, what do we do in our worry about provision? What is the greatest commandment?
Matthew 6:33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
Luke 10:27 And he answered, “YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND; AND YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.”
We pursue Him. We follow Him. He does not pursue us. He initiates with us. As we pursue Him He guides us on the path of righteousness. He facilitates love and our good through His headship. However, if we choose to walk away like many disciples did He lets us. In reality, He does not need us; we need Him.
In the same way, this gives us straight forward examples of how husbands are to act. If a wife is rebellious and decides to walk away then obviously you should tell her that what she is doing is not right and sin. However, if she truly chooses to continue in her rebellion and divorce you should let her walk. Jesus does not compel obedience rather He gives us free will whether to choose to serve Him or not.
Did the father of the prodigal son go pursue him as he left? No. But he ran out an initiated the embrace with him after he found out his son chose to come back home.
Now, this does not mean that He does not give us good gifts as His children. Nor that He fails to answer us when we earnestly seek and pursue after righteousness. It doesn’t mean that husbands should not strive to love, nourish, and cherish their wives as Jesus did either. However, this is all born out of desire and not a works based mentality. A sacrificial act such as Jesus on the cross is not pursuit. It’s an invitation.
This is the subtle difference. The love that the Father shows to Christians, the love of how Jesus love the Church, and the love the husbands show their wives is not one born of “pursuit” but rather in the “roles and responsibilities” given to them. Namely, in the marriage relationship:
- The followers — wives — pursue and follow as a helpmeet, in submission, in respect, and in the home.
- The leaders — husbands — lead, protect, and provide. They love, cherish, nourish, do not become embittered, and honor as co-heirs in Christ.
If there is a main point that I want to emphasize it is this.
The vast majority of Christian men live under the delusion of romantic love. They believe that it is they who must pursue women. However, this is not a Biblical worldview. They must examine their interactions to ensure they are not corrupted by a “standard” of the world via romantic love but rather are conformed to Christ.
The tricky thing about romantic love is that our culture is so saturated in it that we often don’t see every single facet of where it pervades. This particular one about “pursuit” is particularly difficult to pick out unless you know what you are looking for. This goes along with the feminization of Christianity and the demonization of masculinity. The elevation of romantic love eventually leads to the inversion of sex roles and goddess worship.
If you listen to any contemporary Christian music and worship songs you now see why many of them are so heretical. There are so many love songs about Jesus pursuing you and me it’s simply frightening. They paint a false picture of not only the gospel message but Jesus and the Church and husbands and wives.
Obviously, I don’t have to tell you that this is one of major reasons why “Christian marriages” divorce at nearly the same rates as “secular marriages.” Holding up “romanatic love” as a moral compass over the “Scripture” will produce similar secular results.