Take the job

I was discussing with some buddies the other day about whether to take the job. Now, the context of this should be a scenario with which most men are familiar.

  1. Man gets an offer for a job that moves to far away
  2. Man has a girlfriend
  3. Man wants to know if he should choose the job or the girlfriend

Most people go through some fancy discourse about asking about how serious the relationship is and if you see the potential for marriage in it. However, in reality how serious the relationship is does not matter one single bit. This is akin to begging the question. What we want to actually know are the consequences of taking the job or taking the girlfriend.

Women tend to perceive taking her over the job as you changing yourself for her. Women don’t like men with no backbone and usually end up breaking up with you after that. It doesn’t matter what you think about it or the sacrifice you made. That’s how she will perceive the situation the vast majority of the time.

In general, it is relationship suicide to change yourself for a woman. This is the importance of knowing who you are and your values. If she doesn’t like it she can take a hike. Unfortunately, the job situation is one of those nebulous actions that isn’t really changing yourself but a woman will often perceive it as such. You chose her so therefore you are changing yourself for her therefore her attraction for you wanes.

Likewise, many a man has followed his woman to another city. Whether he wanted to move or not is irrelevant. A man chasing after a woman is just plain unattractive to women. To her you’re changing a big part of who you are for her and are pursuing her. Inevitably, they end up in the same place as the man who didn’t take the job.

You then receive a breakup message such as:

  • “I think we’re drifting apart”
  • “I don’t think this is working anymore. I need some time to figure out what I want. Let’s take some time off”

Her attraction wanes. The only thing that changed is you. You changed by choose her over the job.

Thus, I recommend if you’re not married take the job 99% of the time. Sometimes she will come, sometimes she won’t. But if you don’t take it it’s a very high percentage that your relationship will end in the next year or two anyway. It’s better to go out on your terms than on hers naturally because of the higher percentage of success and without the risk of compromising your mission.

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8 Responses to Take the job

  1. Pingback: Take the job | Manosphere.com

  2. Feminine But Not Feminist says:

    A third option would be to take the job, and invite the girl to come with you. Then she can decide whether she wants you enough to “change herself” for you. I’m of the opinion that a woman should go wherever her man goes anyways, since she’s supposed to be his helper (by God’s design) rather than the other way around.

    This reminded me of a great example. I don’t remember who it was (I’m wanting to say Stingray, but I’m not sure), but a woman once left a comment on SSM’s old blog telling the hilarious story of how her husband proposed to her:

    Him: “I’m joining the Marine Corps. You comin’?”
    Her: “WHAT???!?!!?!! :-O”

  3. @ FBNF

    Yeah, you certainly have the option of taking the option of inviting her to come with you. I think I had originally wrote that but may have deleted it for some reason.

    Also, when you’re married she should come with you.

  4. ChildofRa says:

    But you shouldn’t have to change yourself

  5. Wizard Prang says:

    “A third option would be to take the job, and invite the girl to come with you.”

    That’s not a “third option”, that’s her choice. “Sometimes she will come, sometimes she won’t.”

  6. Feminine But Not Feminist says:

    That’s not a “third option”, that’s her choice. “Sometimes she will come, sometimes she won’t.”

    I said it was a third option to *invite* her to come with you, not that it was a third option to *take* her with you. She does have a choice, but it would still be necessary to invite her to come, if you’re not married or engaged yet. Otherwise, she would think that you’re leaving her behind if you don’t ask her to come with you (whether by proposing marriage or by just a general invitation for her to tag along). That’s how I would interpret it anyways.

  7. CHero says:

    This article is interesting and made me think. I have a friend who had an ex who decided to move back to California with her rich parents and instead of taking the hint, he drove (in a barely functioning car) across several states to be with her. No need to tell you what happened. He’s fine now but stuff like that angers me because in the past, I would have believed I was doing the right thing.

  8. Dragonfly says:

    I agree with the third option DS…. Had a close friend recently moved for her boyfriend’s job b/c they knew their relationship was headed toward marriage. Her own job allowed her to actually work from home in the new city (in large part because she was a great asset to their company). She got a lot of flack from female friends and talked with me about it, I told her it was probably risky but that it showed her willingness to follow his lead.

    They ended up getting married and it’s all worked out for both of them. He didn’t have to give up the great job opportunity, and her faith and display of devotion to the future marriage increased his affection for her.

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