I was discussing with some buddies the other day about whether to take the job. Now, the context of this should be a scenario with which most men are familiar.
- Man gets an offer for a job that moves to far away
- Man has a girlfriend
- Man wants to know if he should choose the job or the girlfriend
Most people go through some fancy discourse about asking about how serious the relationship is and if you see the potential for marriage in it. However, in reality how serious the relationship is does not matter one single bit. This is akin to begging the question. What we want to actually know are the consequences of taking the job or taking the girlfriend.
Women tend to perceive taking her over the job as you changing yourself for her. Women don’t like men with no backbone and usually end up breaking up with you after that. It doesn’t matter what you think about it or the sacrifice you made. That’s how she will perceive the situation the vast majority of the time.
In general, it is relationship suicide to change yourself for a woman. This is the importance of knowing who you are and your values. If she doesn’t like it she can take a hike. Unfortunately, the job situation is one of those nebulous actions that isn’t really changing yourself but a woman will often perceive it as such. You chose her so therefore you are changing yourself for her therefore her attraction for you wanes.
Likewise, many a man has followed his woman to another city. Whether he wanted to move or not is irrelevant. A man chasing after a woman is just plain unattractive to women. To her you’re changing a big part of who you are for her and are pursuing her. Inevitably, they end up in the same place as the man who didn’t take the job.
You then receive a breakup message such as:
- “I think we’re drifting apart”
- “I don’t think this is working anymore. I need some time to figure out what I want. Let’s take some time off”
Her attraction wanes. The only thing that changed is you. You changed by choose her over the job.
Thus, I recommend if you’re not married take the job 99% of the time. Sometimes she will come, sometimes she won’t. But if you don’t take it it’s a very high percentage that your relationship will end in the next year or two anyway. It’s better to go out on your terms than on hers naturally because of the higher percentage of success and without the risk of compromising your mission.