Plutchik’s wheel of emotions illustrates how two different emotional states combine in order to represent submission.
Those of you who have read this blog for a while have known that the Greek word used for ‘respect’ in the Scriptures is phobeo. Phobeo is derived from phobos which means to fear.
Trust + fear/respect breeds submission.
This makes sense because the husband is the head in marriage. The head of the marriage is given authority. When a wife trusts in and fears/respects the husbands she submits to him. As Christians we are to be in godly fear of authorities and place our trust in them to do good (Rom 13, 1 Pet 2).
Respect is a need for men. Most men, if choosing only between respect or sex, would choose respect over sex. By all accounts this is the nature of how men are created by God. Respect from a wife to her husband requires her admiration, trust, acceptance, terror, fear, and apprehension of her husband. Obviously, this makes it easier for her to submit, although she can still choose not to submit.
However, when we truly understand the wholeness of Godly fear, we understand that it encompasses the entire half of the emotion wheel. David establishes this clearly in the Psalms which when discussing the glory of God there is anticipation, joy, trust, fear, amazement at the wonders of our Creator.
Trust + joy breeds love.
Likewise, we understand that love is a need for women much like respect is for men. In regard to men loving their wives it requires a trust in the relationship along with joy.
This is why men overwhelmingly prefer enthusiastic virgins. The chaste purity of virgins bring men joy in the relationship just as the Church is prepared as a pure and spotless bride for Jesus (Rev 19). Similarly, wives who are enthusiastic about the relationship and sex are a joy to the husband. It should be quite obvious why husbands find it easier to love a wife who is joyful and enthusiastic about her relationship with him.
How easy is it for a husband to love his wife if he doesn’t trust her? This is a straight forward answer. It is also one of the most discouraging ones to answer because of the extensive duplicity in most modern women even those who call themselves Christians. This is explicitly why I have a “no lie” policy in my relationship. If I catch a lie we are done. Trust is earned as is shown by the Parable of the Talents/Minas. This goes for both sexes.
Finally, clearly our actions are not ruled by emotions or feelings. We make commitments and honor them regardless of how we feel. However, understanding and integrating how we feel to do the right thing is good. We don’t want to just be mindless automatons when honoring our commitments. David worshiped God with all of his heart, mind, and strength just as we are to do as well.
It is important to understand how our emotions and feelings affect our commitments because we can foster the environment to breed trust along with joy or fear depending on your roles and responsibilities. This makes Biblical roles and responsibilities fall into alignment, and it creates a healthy, godly relationship.