In understanding the world and the mission I provided a chart that conveys the nature of how masculinity and femininity interact with good and evil.
I did make a slight mistake on this chart which I want to point out which is that Jezebel and feminism go up where “satan” is because they tend to hypermasculinize women by power grabbing, encouraging rebellion, and making women “strong and independent.” However, that is besides the point of this post.
What makes a man attractive to women (or as we call “alpha”) is raw masculinity which is typically shown through confidence, boldness, leadership, outcome independence, not making a woman the center of his world, and a whole host of various traits. Vice versa for women and femininity. Obviously, a “righteous alpha” is a man who acts with righteously and masculine. That would put him up closer to the examples such as Jesus and David.
On the other hand, “beta” traits are typically touted as provider, comforter, being nice, putting a woman on a pedestal, and the like. However, it is more accurate to say that some of these are decidedly unmasculine or righteous — which means they can fit anywhere up or down — which is why they are not attractive.
The issue to where the alpha/beta supposed dichotomy runs into trouble is that in Christianity we assume that the “righteous actions” are “beta” when they are not. For example, there is a vast difference between a husband deciding that his whole family go help with a food drive versus a wife that drags her unwilling husband with her. One is showing leadership, and the other is caving to his wife’s demands.
A Christian nice guy may act righteously, but he is not unattractive because of his righteous actions. Rather, he is unattractive because he is not masculine.
It is very easy to get this confused and say the fruits of the spirit, being a provider, and whatnot are “beta” traits. However, that ignores the fact that a masculine man can personify the fruits of the Spirit — the so-called righteous alpha — while being attractive to women.
Understanding this subtle distinction is extremely important when trying to educate Christian men about the importance of masculinity. It’s not that you’re trying to push them away from doing good and loving others. It’s that you are trying to change the nature of how they act to agree with the nature that God has created in them. As I have stated before we are the only species on this planet that can actually act against our nature. All male animals behave male animals. All female animals behave like female animals. Yet, we have free will. Men can choose to act effeminate, and women can choose to act masculine. That’s what we see.
As I discussed in the 3 big elephants in the room and thoughts on authentic manhood, it is important to see that the vast majority of men are feminized. A lot of this has to do with the feminization of the church, but it is also the prevailing attitude in society and our education system. We tend to get a polarization of men because of today’s society:
- The only masculinity we see are “bad boys” because they are willing to boldly and confidently buck the feminized system.
- Hence, most of the Christian men tend to be educated away from masculinity — because masculinity is “toxic” and patriarchy is “bad.” Thus, they may end up seeking and pursuing righteous but effeminate in how they approach their life.
Because this polarization exists, some Christians in the ‘sphere inaccurately believe that that we must act “bad” in order to attract women when that simply is not the case.
- Alpha = masculine
- Beta = unmasculine/effeminate
- Righteousness or evil is neither masculine or unmasculine but depends on what the attitude and actions are.
Act righteous and focus on becoming more manly as a a Christian man. Especially if you’re looking for a wife. Embrace the role of the head.