A reader writes in:
I found out about TRP a year ago, and the Christian manosphere about 3 months ago. You lot are all such a great network of guys! I quickly realise that my faith is so lukewarm compared to yours. I read self-help books more than the scripture. My relationships with women are messy and I try to come across with that godly masculinity you speak about, but I tell myself that if I were them, I woudn’t choose me. I have ideas of what I am looking for, but am stumbling my way through dates. My mission is unclear. My biblical knowledge is not strong. I don’t have a good group of Christian friends. Ahh.
So my question to you is this (maybe you’ve gone over something like this on your blog but I haven’t read it): What do you think a young Christian man should be doing (practically) to grow in godliness? Something like forming a habit of bible reading, prayer, loving others? Getting deeper into the text?
My advice is multi-faceted depending on where you are at. As a general beginner type of thing this is what I would recommend to younger Christian men. As an aside as much as I like to write about the dynamics of intersexual relationships all of the knowledge must be filtered through a strong foundation. This post is mainly about outlining a strong foundation before engaging in dating.
- Your faith comes first.
If you’re not strong in your foundations in the faith then I would suggest the gospels especially John as it’s very good at showing the love of the Father and Jesus. If you want to get a bit more in depth about faith and walking it out read Romans and/or Galatians (mini-Romans), Ephesians, 1 and 2 Corinthians, Hebrews, and James.
- Learning about how to be a man from the Scriptures
Read up on the life of David, a man after God’s own heart, in his failures and successes which is found all throughout 1 & 2 Samuel, 1 & 2 Kings, and 1 & 2 Chronicles. Read the Psalms which are basically David pouring out his heart. Read Solomon’s wisdom in Proverbs. Read Genesis on Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Obviously, the life of Jesus is a must read, but you probably already have read through the gospels to become stronger in your faith.
- Learning about how to deal with adversity from the Scriptures
Read up on Judges, Elijah, Elisha, Nehemiah, Job, Acts, the Prophets, and the life of Jesus. Bonus points for reading about the accounts of the disciples and how they were martyred for their faith.
Facing conflict and adversity head on and how to handle it is one of the most important things you can learn as you are becoming a Christian man.
- Learn about practical discipleship as man from the Scriptures
1 & 2 Timothy and Titus are letters Paul is basically writing to Timothy and Titus in order to disciple them to be leaders in the Churches that he helped plant. There’s tons of practicals here that are politically incorrect such as 1 Timothy 2 and Titus 2, so becoming familiar with them and strong in your faith on these is very important.
- Find a godly mentor and godly friends
This honestly could be much higher up in the order if I were making it a list. Having a godly mentor and godly friends is critical for growth in developing as a Christian. Ideally, your family is Christian as well which can support your in this. However, sometimes that is not always the case. Although you “can” do fine alone we are not called to be alone on the Christian walk and indeed you will miss out on a lot of the “one another” verses littered all throughout the New Testament that cannot be fulfilled without being in fellowship.
As the verse goes… as iron sharpens iron so one man sharpens another.
- Know your identity in Christ and how attitudes play a role in your interaction with others
Behavioral cycles and Identity
Identity – Foundations
Identity Part 2 — Subtle Rebellion
Identity Part 3 — Internal and External
Identity Part 4 — Submit to the process of loving yourself
Identity Part 5 — roots and heresies of identity
Identity Part 6 — performance and desire
Your attitude tells me everything I need to know
- Prior to relationships
These are all things you should start doing before you even think about relationships in my opinion. The type of woman you want to date/court (or whatever you want to call it) is going to be a woman who is strong in the faith as well. If you are not strong in your faith then such a woman will probably not even look at you twice. This is the law of reciprocal where like attracts like in this context: if a Christian woman is willing to date you while you’re not strong in the faith then it’s likely her faith is going to be shaky as well. While it’s true that women can and do follow their man’s lead, this is generally not something you want to take a chance on.
Next, I wrote two main articles that summarize how I organized how I went about approaching relationships:
- My 5 step process to maturity in relationships
- A detailed timeline and how-to guide on the process of finding a wife
The 5 step process is something you should do before dating as it will help you outline your life and how the whole process fits into what you do and who you are as a Christian man. The timeline breaks down the dating/courting phase if you need an idea of what you do and how it can potentially occur. It’s not a be-all end-all but it can be helpful if you like to have a plan.
The most important part of the 5 step process is to know and understand what God says about relationships. I listed all of the verses there including Gen 1, 2, 3; Eph 5; 1 Cor 7, 11; Col 3, Tit 2, 1 Tim 2, 1 Pet 3, and many others. Study them because they are Truth no matter what culture or even other “Christians” say which disagree with them such as egalitarianism. Much of the analysis of my blog is dedicated to understanding the interactions of masculinity and Truth of relationships from Scripture. For example, Dalrock’s blog in particular exposes how a lot of mainstream Christianity is feminized, heretical, and twisted.
Additionally, if you want what I think are some of the most important posts on this blog check out the section on “Mission Framework section” in the categorized list of posts.
As always, if any commenters have other things to share that would be helpful for those new to the faith who are ultimately interested in a family feel free.