Where to start as a young Christian man

A reader writes in:

I found out about TRP a year ago, and the Christian manosphere about 3 months ago. You lot are all such a great network of guys! I quickly realise that my faith is so lukewarm compared to yours. I read self-help books more than the scripture. My relationships with women are messy and I try to come across with that godly masculinity you speak about, but I tell myself that if I were them, I woudn’t choose me. I have ideas of what I am looking for, but am stumbling my way through dates. My mission is unclear. My biblical knowledge is not strong. I don’t have a good group of Christian friends. Ahh.

So my question to you is this (maybe you’ve gone over something like this on your blog but I haven’t read it): What do you think a young Christian man should be doing (practically) to grow in godliness? Something like forming a habit of bible reading, prayer, loving others? Getting deeper into the text?

My advice is multi-faceted depending on where you are at. As a general beginner type of thing this is what I would recommend to younger Christian men. As an aside as much as I like to write about the dynamics of intersexual relationships all of the knowledge must be filtered through a strong foundation. This post is mainly about outlining a strong foundation before engaging in dating.

  • Your faith comes first.

If you’re not strong in your foundations in the faith then I would suggest the gospels especially John as it’s very good at showing the love of the Father and Jesus. If you want to get a bit more in depth about faith and walking it out read Romans and/or Galatians (mini-Romans), Ephesians, 1 and 2 Corinthians, Hebrews, and James.

  • Learning about how to be a man from the Scriptures

Read up on the life of David, a man after God’s own heart, in his failures and successes which is found all throughout 1 & 2 Samuel, 1 & 2 Kings, and 1 & 2 Chronicles. Read the Psalms which are basically David pouring out his heart. Read Solomon’s wisdom in Proverbs. Read Genesis on Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Obviously, the life of Jesus is a must read, but you probably already have read through the gospels to become stronger in your faith.

  • Learning about how to deal with adversity from the Scriptures

Read up on Judges, Elijah, Elisha, Nehemiah, Job, Acts, the Prophets, and the life of Jesus. Bonus points for reading about the accounts of the disciples and how they were martyred for their faith.

Facing conflict and adversity head on and how to handle it is one of the most important things you can learn as you are becoming a Christian man.

  • Learn about practical discipleship as man from the Scriptures

1 & 2 Timothy and Titus are letters Paul is basically writing to Timothy and Titus in order to disciple them to be leaders in the Churches that he helped plant. There’s tons of practicals here that are politically incorrect such as 1 Timothy 2 and Titus 2, so becoming familiar with them and strong in your faith on these is very important.

  • Find a godly mentor and godly friends

This honestly could be much higher up in the order if I were making it a list. Having a godly mentor and godly friends is critical for growth in developing as a Christian. Ideally, your family is Christian as well which can support your in this. However, sometimes that is not always the case. Although you “can” do fine alone we are not called to be alone on the Christian walk and indeed you will miss out on a lot of the “one another” verses littered all throughout the New Testament that cannot be fulfilled without being in fellowship.

As the verse goes… as iron sharpens iron so one man sharpens another.

  • Know your identity in Christ and how attitudes play a role in your interaction with others

Behavioral cycles and Identity
Identity – Foundations
Identity Part 2 — Subtle Rebellion
Identity Part 3 — Internal and External
Identity Part 4 — Submit to the process of loving yourself
Identity Part 5 — roots and heresies of identity
Identity Part 6 — performance and desire
Your attitude tells me everything I need to know

  • Prior to relationships

These are all things you should start doing before you even think about relationships in my opinion. The type of woman you want to date/court (or whatever you want to call it) is going to be a woman who is strong in the faith as well. If you are not strong in your faith then such a woman will probably not even look at you twice. This is the law of reciprocal where like attracts like in this context: if a Christian woman is willing to date you while you’re not strong in the faith then it’s likely her faith is going to be shaky as well. While it’s true that women can and do follow their man’s lead, this is generally not something you want to take a chance on.

Next, I wrote two main articles that summarize how I organized how I went about approaching relationships:

  1. My 5 step process to maturity in relationships
  2. A detailed timeline and how-to guide on the process of finding a wife

The 5 step process is something you should do before dating as it will help you outline your life and how the whole process fits into what you do and who you are as a Christian man. The timeline breaks down the dating/courting phase if you need an idea of what you do and how it can potentially occur. It’s not a be-all end-all but it can be helpful if you like to have a plan.

The most important part of the 5 step process is to know and understand what God says about relationships. I listed all of the verses there including Gen 1, 2, 3; Eph 5; 1 Cor 7, 11; Col 3, Tit 2, 1 Tim 2, 1 Pet 3, and many others. Study them because they are Truth no matter what culture or even other “Christians” say which disagree with them such as egalitarianism. Much of the analysis of my blog is dedicated to understanding the interactions of masculinity and Truth of relationships from Scripture. For example, Dalrock’s blog in particular exposes how a lot of mainstream Christianity is feminized, heretical, and twisted.

Additionally, if you want what I think are some of the most important posts on this blog check out the section on “Mission Framework section” in the categorized list of posts.

As always, if any commenters have other things to share that would be helpful for those new to the faith who are ultimately interested in a family feel free.

This entry was posted in Godly mindset & lifestyle, Mission Framework and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Where to start as a young Christian man

  1. Pingback: Where to start as a young Christian man | Manosphere.com

  2. Looking Glass says:

    I’ll add a visual illustration to help.

    You’re forging a Weapon. A double-edged Sword. This takes time, skill and investment. But you don’t start the forging process by showing everyone the unforged Iron. You take the Iron and start working on it, only coming out with a functional product after the process.

    So, to backup DS on this stuff, here’s an extra, practical starting point.

    Untangle yourself from most of your worthless entanglements. Kill the games, most of the social networking (especially on your phone), the random dates and anything else that eats up time but really doesn’t serve any purpose. (TV, porn, restaurant hopping… you get the idea.)

    That should take about 1-2 days. Then find somewhere that you can talk freely with God for several hours. (If you need to drive out to the woods and park, it doesn’t matter. You need a space where it’s You & God.) Then, it’s time to get really, really honest with God. While prayer is a skill, that’s not your actual primary issue. Your primary issue is that you don’t know how to Listen to God.

    So, start off by Praising the Lord because we’re so insanely pathetic that only He could possibly love a wretched lot like us. Then start confessing your Sin and your Failures. The Lord sees your Heart & your Life, He knows all of this. So there’s nothing to hide. But confessing in your own voice starts the process of removing the chains you place upon yourself. So get it all out. Fall into your Lord’s grace and start to understand His presence. That’s the first reason to do this.

    The second reason is that you have a conception of God that is wrong. How do I know this? Easy, we’re human. God is above us, so we take a little bit of Him and a lot of our own thinking and construct “God”. So part of confession & honesty is learning to Listen. A lot of your failures… are not Sins. A good portion likely are, but a lot of them are not. Failures are failures; Sins are Sins. The Voice of the Lord via the indwelling Spirit helps you learn to know the difference. But you’re not used to really listening for God, you’re only used to that negative feeling when you know you’re Sinning. (On the assumption you haven’t completely numbed the sensation. There’s a reason the Bible uses “hard hearted” as a metaphor.) So this entire exercise should jump start the process of forging yourself within the Spirit. This will consume you and let it do so. It’s not the most enjoyable experience at times, but the reward is Eternal. More valuable than all of the physical Creation.

    After that, start reading the Bible passages out loud, when you have the ability. Especially Proverbs. (You’ll feel like an idiot the first few times the information really sinks in, but press on. That’s your flesh trying to undermine you.) From there, continue in the process of remaking yourself more into the Lord’s Image. Learning to walk as a disciple of Christ. Starting to understand what true freedom really is.

    God bless.

  3. donalgraeme says:

    I might want to do my own post on this subject at some point.

  4. Coastal says:

    Man, I can definitely relate to the whole “reading self-help books more than scripture” bit; been there, done that. What I’ve learned is that while self-help books aren’t necessarily bad, it doesn’t compare to the raw truth and power of God’s word. It’s like eating a steady diet of junk food in comparison to a diet founded on nutrient-rich foods. The junk food will keep you alive, and you can have a bit of it every now and then, but it’s not something that you want to live off of.

    Even Christian books can (and often do) fall prey to churchian lies when they aren’t grounded in scripture. You’re better off having a solid foundation in the Word, not only for your own growth but also for being able to spot untruths when they do appear.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s