Incentives Part 2 — Replacing man up

In Incentives, we discussed how the incentives of the natural law of the Scriptures that drive men toward marriage. Likewise, we looked at how society and churchianity knock down the incentives of marriage and replace them with disincentives and sin.

As you know, I’m a big fan of the concept rooted in Scripture that if you remove something you need to replace it with something else. Thus, this post is aimed towards concepts that are a good alternative to replacing the typical man up.

Man up, especially from the pulpit, as Dalrock has pointed out before cuts men off at the knees. It’s self defeating as it sets the tone that men should be working to please women and that women should be evaluating what the man is doing. Such teaching should be done in a men-only situation if there is a widespread issue. If there’s not then there’s no reason to preach at the whole body of men like that in the first place.

What if… instead of preaching man up from the pulpit, preachers instead:

  1. Edify — Tell wives to cultivate and express gratefulness for everything that the husband do for them.[1]
  2. Communicate — Tell wives to ask their husbands about all of the things they do for them that they may or may not notice.
  3. Submit — Express your opinion but follow his final decision in order to bring about unity in the marriage.
  4. Respect —  respect your man regardless of if he deserves it or not as to the Lord.
  5. Pray — Pray to God for thanksgiving and gratefulness for her husband while lifting up her husband (Phil 4:6).
  6. Contentment — godliness with contentment is great gain (1 Tim 6:6).

Indeed, from having been around many husbands and fathers and experiencing discontent within my own relationships, it’s clear that many women and wives simply do not know all of the things and considerations that a man does for a woman. Learning about them from him firsthand through asking and communicating is a great way to understand and be grateful.

Although these things are focused on the role of the wife, they affect both the husband and the wife. Likewise, a similar list could be made for husbands to affect their own view and their wives.

  1. Edify — Tell husbands to cultivate and express gratefulness for what their wives do for them.
  2. Communicate — Tell husbands to ask their wives about all of the things they do for them that they may or may not notice.
  3. Lead — Lead your wife by making big and small decisions as they come up so she doesn’t have to worry about them.
  4. Love — Be patient and understanding with your wife and make sure she knows her opinions are heard and valued.
  5. Pray — Pray to God for thanksgiving and gratefulness for his wife while lifting up his wife (Phil 4:6).
  6. Contentment — godliness with contentment is great gain (1 Tim 6:6).

On the incentives side of things, it replaces the “man up” — or in other words, nagging from the wife backed up by the preacher — with a thanksgiving for what has been done. Instead of creating a negative behavioral cycle it attempts to start a positive behavioral cycle. The same thing occurs with husbands. Some things are generally Christian while others are role specific in the marriage.

What husband wouldn’t want to bless his wife more when she is grateful rather than nagging?[2]


[1] The Greek word for edification is oikodomeo.

G3618 — οἰκοδομέω — oikodomeō — oy-kod-om-eh’-o
From the same as G3619; to be a house builder, that is, construct or (figuratively) confirm: – (be in) build (-er, -ing, up), edify, embolden. Total KJV occurrences: 39

It gives a bit more meaning Proverbs:

Proverbs 14:1 The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.

[2] When all else fails, 1 Peter 3 and win him without a word and through righteous attitudes and behaviors.

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8 Responses to Incentives Part 2 — Replacing man up

  1. Pingback: Incentives Part 2 — Replacing man up – Manosphere.com

  2. Pingback: For those who are tone deaf… | See, there's this thing called biology...

  3. feeriker says:

    Man up, especially from the pulpit, as Dalrock has pointed out before cuts men off at the knees. It’s self defeating as it sets the tone that men should be working to please women and that women should be evaluating what the man is doing. Such teaching should be done in a men-only situation if there is a widespread issue. If there’s not then there’s no reason to preach at the whole body of men like that in the first place.

    Not to sound cynical (who, moi? SIAS!), but this recommendation presupposes that pastors prone to delivering such messages are doing so in good faith in the first place rather than simply AMOGing or passifeminizing. Even assuming that a typical pastor hasn’t drunk the christo-feminist Koolaid, all too often “man up” is a modernist pastor’s exercise in verbal sublimation. It’s delivering an assault on a “soft” target, knowing that to deliver the rebuke where it is most clearly needed would be to risk setting off a full-scale nuclear war. Of course this ultimately reveals just how little faith most pastors actually have in God to work His powers in those who need them most, or in the Holy Spirit to convict and change hearts.

  4. In the defense of pastors, sort of, ok maybe more an explanation.

    Men, including pastors are programmed to protect women and children. Gentlemen spare the weaker vessel risks and honor them with safety and comfort – they are taught to open doors, avoid rough talk in their presence, walk on the road side with them as they stroll down the street, sleep on the side of the bed closer to the door to come between an intruder and shield their wife, and a myriad of other behaviors to provide the female with treatment befitting a royal dignitary. Additionally men are mesmerized by feminine beauty, much like elk during the rut an inviting smile from an attractive woman can alter a man’s behavior. He may even become all gooey-eyed and exaggerate the virtues of the woman like Don Quixote did with Dulcinea.

    Pastors are affected by the reports of physical abuse against women. It is gut-wrenching to see or hear of beauty that should be protected by harmed by those that should be protecting her. The pastor knows he would not intentionally harm a woman and so he tries to verbally offer a shield. Women of the congregation give him positive feedback and the white knights in a chorus of condemning bad men who cause harm to women. Women are told to get out of abusive relationships and get away from bad men. So successful is the campaign that it expands the definition of abuse to include speaking harshly, (verbal abuse) and hurting feelings (emotional abuse) etc. Women on the one hand are told to defend themselves and men to stand down. When a man asks “what does the Bible say” he is swiftly accused as an oppressor of women and a “patriarch”. The Duluth model helps to label him as “spiritual abuser” and he is treated as an outcast by those who believe that protecting the weaker sex is paramount.

    There is a good deal of group-think that affects pastors as well. Other pastors, religious publications, “christian” radio, seminary professors are all more sympathetic to protecting women than building families on the Biblical model with role distinctions and a chain of command. A middle ground was created that allows pastors to save face. By not being a third wave feminist, he can still be a woman pedestalizing man shaming Christo- feminist. I do not think that most pastors even know they are doing it, they are living a blue pill existence, oblivious to the feminism that surrounds their whole existence. They are like fish who do not know the concepts of wet and dry, they do what they do because they think that is what has always been done in the church. The good ones can be persuaded by the Word, but it is not likely to happen in an instant, paradigm shifts take time.

  5. @ Jonadab-the-Rechabite

    Yep, the part where everything goes wrong is always in the “culture values” over “Scriptural values.”

    Specifically, always in the nature of authority and/or where tough love may be needed.

  6. Meta. says:

    I did all this, and was treated like garbage. The guy I was with had been cheated on by several women several times. He always treated them really well. I was different. I was really good to him. Maybe too good. People are too broken to date anymore.

    Sure, I can act this way, but men nowadays don’t know what to do with it and reject it. Too late! Society’s utterly broken. The more you try, the more effort you put into it, the worse you’re treated.

  7. @ Meta

    The key is to find someone with good character and who doesn’t act malicious. Those types of people are in shorter supply nowadays.

    Generally, avoid people who act worse when you treat them well. Keep good company, otherwise bad company has a tendency to rub off. I’m not surprised that someone who was cheated on may have the inclination to cheat on others.

  8. Meta. says:

    There aren’t any. I’m deciding what to do with that now.

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