One of my friends is a slightly shorter-than-average, single 27 year old who is actively involved in Church, plays guitar for worship sometimes, holds a steady construction job, and has a heart for ministry to high school and young adults in the long term. Let’s call him John. John was interested in a few women, but they were generally uninterested in him and/or were wishy washy about being in a relationship with him.
For example, John was enamored with one girl who was wishy washy about him, and I talked about it with him through the whole process. Let’s call her Sam. It was somewhat of a supposed mutual interest situation where they hung out and talked about a relationship, but never made any tangible steps toward it mainly because of Sam. This was over a period of about 3-4 months. I advised John that it was clear that Sam was not very interested in him because if she was then she would reciprocate and want to be in a relationship with him. A woman who is interested in a man will do everything she can to be in a relationship with him. This is the typical guy like girl but girl thinks she could probably do better or just likes the attention type of scenario. It could also be that she was not mature enough. I’m not sure which it was, and I know the girl fairly well.
Anyway, Sam was visiting her parents out of state for a few months before coming back to the area, and John got the notion to fly out to see her unannounced to surprise her. I cautioned against this because going that far for a girl that is clearly only semi-interested in you is over-investing in something that is not there and unattractive. I outright stated that it wouldn’t work because she’s ambivalent about the relationship, and nothing would probably convince her otherwise even a supposed huge romantic gesture. The bad thing was that the couple of her friends who John talked to thought it was a great idea “because it was romantic.” Unfortunately, although John agreed with me for the most part, he had his heart set on doing it anyway. I told John that if it doesn’t work out then it doesn’t work out, and he should give up any notion of a relationship with Sam.
Y’all know how that turned out if you can’t guess already.
John took and flight out AND drove 6 hours to meet Sam. That’s dedication right there. Undeserved dedication. Sam was clearly shocked when John showed up. Sam was happy in a way, but it obviously did not influence her to want to be in a relationship with John. Sam did not spend any time with John other than talk to him once when he came by. Honestly, that’s exactly what she should do if she’s ambivalent about a relationship. Thankfully, since I am pretty close to John and basically called out what was going to happen, he ended up coming to terms with the whole thing (perhaps on his own, perhaps a bit with me as I don’t want to take credit for his maturity). It took John a few weeks to get over it, but he did and moved on. He overcame the adversity, and he came away with a more mature outlook on relationships.
After this “disaster,” John decided not to go looking for anything after that for at least a few months. The old ‘got burned by a woman’ type of deal.
Enter your real life Ruth
Ruth 3:1 Then Naomi her mother-in-law said to her, “My daughter, shall I not seek [a]security for you, that it may be well with you? 2 Now is not Boaz our [b]kinsman, with whose maids you were? Behold, he winnows barley at the threshing floor tonight. 3 Wash yourself therefore, and anoint yourself and put on your best clothes, and go down to the threshing floor; but do not make yourself known to the man until he has finished eating and drinking. 4 It shall be when he lies down, that you shall [c]notice the place where he lies, and you shall go and uncover his feet and lie down; then he will tell you what you shall do.” 5 She said to her, “All that you say I will do.” 
 I suppose you could argue my example of Ruth is a bit different because it was a kinsman redeemer situation, and it was at Naomi’s advice. I’m using it to illustrate a woman who went out of her way repeatedly to meet a man who she liked with potential to be a good husband.
She’s a mid-20s, slim, feminine receptionist at the Church he attends and has some but not great overlap in their circle of friends. Let’s call her Katie. John and Katie have seen each other and greeted each other at Church. They peripherally know each other having seen each other at a few events. However, they’ve never really talked beyond some superficial conversation.
Katie is interested in John. Thus, Katie gets her friends to talk to John to find out more about him. Katie asks about John when talking to John’s friends to find out his background and assess his character. John is being mentored by a family in the Church, so Katie goes to talk to them about John too. Katie starts going to Church and casual events where John is at specifically. Katie strikes up conversations with John at those events. Katie spends more time with John than anyone else at these events, and she is interested in having deep(er) conversations about relationships with him.
I’m a bit fuzzy on if Katie mentioned she was interested and single or had his mentor mention it, but John had already known from how she was acting that Katie was interested. John knew this because Katie made it known through conversation she was single, made it a point to keep coming around to events he was at, kept talking with him, and virtually made her interest almost overtly known. John eventually asks Katie out.
In this day and age, they kept things on the down low because in some circles going out = getting married. Thus, they want to keep things chill because you’re just investigating to see if a relationship can work. They hit it off on a date or two every week over the course of a month, and eventually finally decide that they want to make it serious. John and Katie been together 4 months not including that initial 1 month of dating to get to know each other, have met each other’s parents, and are progressing toward marriage.
Points to learn from
I suppose it’s no surprise to say that Katie came about 95% of the way by putting herself in good situations to get to know John’s friends, John’s mentor family, and John himself. Katie leveraged her social network very well like I recommend for both men [and women]. This is the power of a woman who is interested but not overbearing and feminine about exploring a potential relationship. It’s about doing your homework and constantly putting yourself in good situations to meet a man you’re interested in. Katie made A LOT of background stuff happen to put herself in a good situation only really stopping short of asking John out.
John has no qualms about asking women out, especially if he is interested. However, we could say that this relationship virtually came to him. It is one of the best relationships he has had because of Biblical principles, AND she was clearly interested in him. To paraphrase him about a month into the relationship:
I never realized a relationship could be this way. It’s awesome. This relationship can’t compare to the previous relationships at all.
To quote him 3 months into the relationship:
[Words] don’t even come close to describing this absolutely amazing, talented, hard-working, beautiful, and servant-hearted woman! I am beyond blessed to have this gem walk along side me in this life and honestly can’t thank God enough. The value she adds to my life cannot be measured. She is in every sense of the word, a gift. Her heart is one of a kind and I’m honored that she has decided to share it with me.
Sounds like a man with an amazing future helpmeet. Unlike the previous potential relationships that I counseled John on, there is none of the difficult BS of playing games, figuring out if a woman is serious about a relationship, or just wants to be in one because she is lonely. I told John after he said those things to me that “yes, that’s what a relationship is supposed to be like. Nothing can compare to a relationship based on Biblical principles, and also with a woman is very interested in you. It’s night and day.”
He found a woman who was actually very interested in him and was relatively mature for a relationship. Such a thing requires both the interest of a woman and a willingness to cultivate toward Biblical roles and responsibilities prior to marriage. Since Katie was prepared and mature for a relationship, she did almost everything possible to put herself in a good situation to be noticed by John.
Generally speaking, men that want to be married the hardest thing is to also find a woman that is God-fearing and also interested or attracted to them. Given that this is the case, I think that women have the solid potential in playing a real life Ruth situation, especially if they get their friends on board and are willing to go to events where single men are and converse with them. Most women who I’ve talked to about this have told me they tried, but when I hear their story they only tried once and then gave up when it didn’t work. Alternatively, it turned out bad and the man wasn’t interested, so it’s obvious that it doesn’t work. I question this as a lack of perseverance.
This is not the norm for single, Christian women, so if you’re a single Christian man reading this don’t expect a woman to fall into your lap like this. Take the initiative, and seize the opportunities. However, it is a pretty good example for women who are interested in marriage to follow if they are not getting tons of interest or can’t find anyone.
The pool of quality marriage candidates for Christian marriage is very small. You gotta take the opportunities you’re given and make your own opportunities when there are none. Both men and women.
Their saga is to be continued…