I’ve been thinking more about how the Church falls into the feminist trap of pathologizing the male sex drive. Additionally, the perpetuation of the slow cooker analogy has done a lot of damage.
The basic True facts are:
- Men like having sex with attractive women.
- Men are sexually attracted to beautiful, young, feminine women.
- Women like having sex with attractive men.
- Women are sexually attracted to powerful, high-status, handsome, masculine men.
Unfortunately, these are not facts that are widely perpetuated throughout the Church. The Church, unfortunately, buys into some deceptions about male and female nature.
The ought trap
This is the ‘ought’ trap that the Church falls into.
Since godliness is good, women ‘ought’ to be attracted to godliness.
This statement wreaks a heckuva lot of damage.
Following the logical conclusion of this statement means that women cannot be attracted to bad boys because there is no godliness in them. Thus, women are seduced by bad boys against their will. “It’s not their fault.” Womens’ agency toward sin can be taken away from them because it’s the man’s fault. In other words, women can still be assumed as pure and holy and put on the Christian pedestal while the male sex drive can be pathologized because these bad men are tempting women to sin.
Of course, we know that women are sexually attracted to bad boys because they have a masculine presence and confidence that most feminized Church men do not. The women are not really ‘seduced’ by the these bad men but rather are attracted to them. Women willingly give into the temptation to have sex with bad boys because they want to have sex with attractive men.
Thus, all of these factors come into play leading to a mass-scale deception — inadvertent or not — to men and even women about the female sex drive. The rot of feminism runs deep.
Yes, women like sex too. Especially with attractive men.
Christianity and masculinity 
the whole religion needs to change their view of sex cause as female, went i hit puberty the things i was taught made men sound like mindless animals. Now some of what i was taught is just basic common sense ( dont leave your drink unintended, dont dress like a harlot) other stuff has made me just very cautious of the male gender.
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I’m not a woman, so I do not know what women like or want. As a man I can attest that women often seem to not know what they want either and it causes men great consternation. I have decided to concern myself with what God wants, both in myself and in wife and daughters. My wife may not want sex on any given day, but that is not the determinate of if she ought to have sex, there are factors greater than what she wants or likes at the moment. I go to work sometimes when I don’t feel like it, but I know the long term good is served by honoring my commitments to my employer and to my family.
When we focus on duties required in God’s Word, we avoid many of the pitfalls like pathologizing the male sex drive. We may instead patologize female hypergamy and their tendency to use sex for power and control rather than communion with her husband. Men are told to avoid coveting other men’s wives, but the feminized christian church has expanded the command to not be attracted to find anyone other than your wife attractive or desirable. I find it telling that scripture tells women to be subject to their husbands and the feminist christian culture tries to contract the command to some egalitarian compromise of the husband to his more spiritual wife. I still have not understood how a wife who is submitting could file for divorce against her husband’s wishes, yet the church has found some justification. But then, I have not found in scripture where a wife can initiate a divorce at all, separation yes, divorce no. There is a pathology at work, it is cancer of feminism on the mind.
“◾Men like having sex with attractive women.
◾Men are sexually attracted to beautiful, young, feminine women.
◾Women like having sex with attractive men.
◾Women are sexually attracted to powerful, high-status, handsome, masculine men.
Unfortunately, these are not facts that are widely perpetuated throughout the Church. The Church, unfortunately, buys into some deceptions about male and female nature.”
Well, facts 1 and 2 are widely known throughout the Church, and men are also excoriated throughout the Church for those facts. Men are told they should not like having sex with attractive women; that they ought to want sex with godly women. Men are told that their sexual attraction to beautiful, young, feminine women is sinful, evil, perverse and wrong. Men are told that if they are attracted to beauty, youth and femininity, and resist being pushed to “But She’s So Nice!” less attractive women, then there is something wrong with them, and they might not be true Christians.
Facts 3 and 4 are not perpetuated throughout Church; in fact, the Church (now overtaken and run by women and feminized men) goes to great, great lengths to conceal these facts from men.
Great post DS. And I would personally like to thank you for not using the wimpy euphemism “make love.” This might be a broad sweeping statement, but so far has proved true in my reading: I can always tell when I’m reading a feminist viewpoint masquerading as (egalitarian) Christian. As soon as the sex talk starts, I hear ‘make love’ instead of sex.
This article is spot on its assessment of the current situation
What was written I could not have said better but how do you undo the damage done by feminist ideology?….already I feel like an evil leper for being attracted/and or desire beautiful attractive women and it has done much damage to my relationship with Christ by making me feel it’s a sin etc
A very well written article
About time someone had the guts to tell the truth about this very important topic and the damaging effects that feminism had had on male sexuality
@ Robert
It takes time, but knowing is half the battle. The other half is living it. Pray to God about it. Don’t live in fear of what others think. Stand for whats right when people are lying.
It takes time, but you’ll slowly realize as long as you resist the ideology you will become more and more against it and be firm in the Truth.
On point, DS.
I was chopping up some spiritual game in mixed company during a recent Meetup (remember the document I sent you?) and I shared similar sentiments. The men looked blankly and the women rolled their eyes.
“Christian women (especially African Americans) love to talk about how they want a mighty man of gawd, a man of destiny who is on a whole ‘nother level, and it’s a bunch of bullshit. They want a man who is buff, handsome, and paid. If he is ‘decent’ and ‘believes in God’…that’s a bonus. Basically anything short of a flat out criminal or serial killer. All others, you’ll give him a shot if he makes your panties wet regularly and can give you some material security and physical safety.”
Boy do churchian women get lit up when you say things like that.
This is the lie we’ve been told. Being a holy and devout man is ‘nice’..that’s it. If you’re not coming strong in those other areas then you’re just some schmuck she’s settling for.
@ Pedat Ebediyah
The reality is… if godliness is attractive women would be lining up to marry godly men.
And Paul wouldn’t have had to tell the Church in 2 Corinthians 6 that Christians should not be unequally yoked because they wouldn’t do it in the first place.
Being a Christian is definitely a requirement for Christians, but people continue to [try to] make it something that it isn’t.
I’ve been busy and meant to go back and finish my thoughts on Cane’s post about women bloggers, but it’s really all the same to me when we’re talking about Christian men and women and how we relate to one another…reigning in the flesh…walking in holiness…examining ourselves continually…humbling ourselves before our Master.
Before Eve partook and Adam acquiesced they didn’t know they had ‘options’. All Adam knew is that what was ALREADY set before him was PLENTIFUL and GOOD. No strife, no coveting, no competition, no angst, no need for manipulation, no wondering or guessing from where his help or resources would come. Things were PLENTIFUL and GOOD.
Now we have SCARCITY and SKEPTICISM. Enter the survival of the fittest, check out them idols (is that the one for you, you like that…the things that idol can do for you, brah), enter fear and doubt, enter mistrust, dishonor and betrayal, which all lead to faithlessness.
Enter the divide. We are separated from our Master.
As corny devout men, we hunger and thirst for His right-ness-es, and it would be nice if we had help(meets) along the way who also hunger and thirst for His right-ness-es.
Where can a brotha get one of those?
True fact, Bro. Pedat. “Believes in gawd” encompasses a wide range too. I admit I wasn’t any better but at least I was young. Got lucky too.
But when I see 40 year old sistas doing it I wonder how many more times they have to get burned before they get a clue.
“I wonder how many more times they have to get burned before they get a clue.”
I’ve been asking that question for 5 years now.
@Els,
“But when I see 40 year old sistas doing it I wonder how many more times they have to get burned before they get a clue.”
Mamma, you already know. I’m 50 and I have women (ages 25-55) in my circle (family members, home-girls, Meetup associates, community groups) and friends of friends. When I observe how they navigate these things, I’m convinced that there exists no Epiphany Phase for too many Christian women. They will ride and die for the tingle…they get caught up with married men, buck-dancing, Bojangling preachers who keep condoms in their office at the Church, cads, con-men, pimps, and multi-level marketers. We need a T-Shirt for this one:
“Tingle Or Die!”
But again, it’s about holiness overall.
At my “family” Church (which I don’t attend, except on special occasions), where my elder (now deceased) cousin (on my Dad’s side) was the Pastor. His SIL was the minister of music (married to my cousin on Dad’s side), but was banging my OTHER cousin (on my Mom’s side) and they all went to the same Church.
Did elder cousin sit anyone down or clean house? Nope.
Holiness? Not!
My former home-girl has completed her requirements to become a Clergywoman in the UMC. Still married..separated from her estranged husband since 2006. Currently involved with a married minister in the UMC who has ‘plans’ to leave his wife. Has been in several ‘relationships’ in between.
Pedat: Do you know that every encounter you have with a man is Adultery?
Her: Legalism is so unattractive. Will your superciliousness ever get old?
Pedat: Hell-to-the-NO it wont!
A while back she told me that she confronted him about their relationship by informing him that a man in his position should have known better than to allow things to develop between the two of them the way they did.
I’m not going to tell you what my response was, but it was ugly. Very ugly and mean, but it was true. We’re not friends any more. She’s in permanent time out. Deti chided me about dealing with this woman…and I didn’t listen. I can’t be associated with sluts and adulterers and I will NEVER marry one.
I’d rather they just denounce the Faith, and just be common hoes. I’d respect them more. Maybe.
Oh, one more thing then I’m done.
I don’t have a problem with women loving the tingle, but one of the factors that should contribute to the tingle is having a man who is contrite before the Lord.
Unfortunately, it just happens to be one of the things that is dynamic in the minds of common and unconverted Christian women. Babes..well, I can excuse them…
I’m convinced that there exists no Epiphany Phase for too many Christian women.
Not for black Christian women, no. For a whole host of reasons I won’t get into here. But as a group they don’t let epiphanies and “walls” dictate their mating strategies.
I do think your expectation that “tingles” be connected to godliness is off base. That’s no more reasonable than expecting men to use godliness as a marker for who they should be attracted to.
What we have taught our girls is that attraction must be disregarded in the absence of spiritual and moral substance, and that it is a hard thing to do. We know that full well, but the narrow road is narrow for a reason.
It’s this very thing (and no small bit of maternal angst) that was the impetus for the thoughts I posted recently.
Hey Els..
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t promote godliness, in totality,being the fulcrum for the tingle at all, but by it being a virtuous component of manhood, it should be regarded as an attractive quality.
We are congruent in our sentiment…as you write, “..attraction must be disregarded in the absence of spiritual and moral substance…”.
I say that we should condition our little ones to regard “spiritual and moral substance” as an attractive quality. Yeah, it’s easy to overlook but, we should create an environment where the risks of overlooking such things are stressed.
It depends on what and how you define as “spiritual and moral substance” and “godly”. These are wonderful traits in a husband (and brother of faith). As far as any ‘tingles’ and raw sexuality …. zero connection.
My husband said, “the fact that you get up and read the bible every morning (aka how virtuous you are) has NOTHING to do with my sexual satisfaction.”
On Faith & Attraction:
It’s not “Cause & Effect” but “Cause & Result”. This is where DS’s point about “ought” is very insightful. Let me explain further.
When Faith is nothing but Vanity, as it is for most “Christians”, then there’s no connection between Faith & Attraction. I believe this may be the first time the phrase, “Baby, you reading the Bible is so dang hot”, has ever been written. (Google would tend to back me up on this.) There’s no “Read Bible = Be Good Looking” effect. There’s no Effect from the initial Cause.
But actual Faith brings out a resultant change in a person that should make them more attractive because the Faithful Christian will understand and choose to do the things that are necessary, allowing the biology (created & controlled by the Lord) to do a lot of the heavy lifting. The Lord hasn’t set us up for failure, as much as most Christians assume.
The faithful Christian Man, growing in godliness, will learn that Kindness is not Niceness. Kindness requires the Truth and it is brutal on most people. Growing in Godliness will make a Man much firmer within himself, which is the basis on which most attraction vectors are built. But as that foundation is in the Lord, it should also keep his emotions under control. Faithfulness, for a Man, should produce more Masculinity within him. Fay and pathetic are not of the Lord.
A faithful Christian should know there are tasks that they’ve been called to and to perform them diligently. The core one is taking responsibility for your actions. From that, most of the complaints we have about “life” can be dealt with.
@LG
“But actual Faith brings out a resultant change in a person that should make them more attractive because the Faithful Christian will understand and choose to do the things that are necessary, allowing the biology (created & controlled by the Lord) to do a lot of the heavy lifting. The Lord hasn’t set us up for failure, as much as most Christians assume.”
This!
It’s what I was meaning in my obvious unclear and primitive responses. Being a woman of great faith, insight, and depth together with all of her other qualities, does the tingle make.
As I relayed it to a female associate. I get that she wants a man who is good looking, can provide safety and provision and such, but what makes him most viable is that he is a head-busting, kick ass man of God who is unapologetic in his Faith and will lead her properly according to His will.
And in return for the blessing of having a handsome, responsible, kick ass man of God she will cheerfully give him unconditional respect, submission, and sexual access. If she doesn’t show the attitude, aptitude, and willingness to do those things, then I wouldn’t recommend any man (like the one described above) be bothered with her at all.
Not the mention that being divorced and having children puts the onus on the woman to be DEMONSTRABLY COOPERATIVE if she expects some dude to even go there, unless he’s a pussy-whipped mangina who will settle because she’s good looking. The pussy-whipped mangina who will settle, is what I believe is the fulcrum for why Els wrote above about black Christian women not being concerned about the Epiphany Phase or “The Wall”. They brazenly believe (actually KNOW) that their looks and the prize between their legs is the currency that will secure the thirsty, low-value Christian brotha who would not dare demand that they live up to the calling and responsibility of being a suitable help-meet. They don’t believe they have to DO or BE about anything, but believe they are entitled to EVERYTHING.
I see this ALL the time…and even my married brothers in Christ don’t hold their wives accountable for being about anything…which is disgusting to me.
But I digress.
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@Pedat:
I’d say you did it better than me. When I can write, I can really only do the “big picture” approach these days. I’m always concerned that I lose most people when I’m writing.
If one wants it broken down a little further. A young Woman that’s faithful & kind, that keeps her weight & vanity in check can fairly easily be married off to a Man that makes a very solid living in under a year. The marriage field is so amazingly terrible for Men in this environment that anything “decent” is worth more than Gold.
But it’s the Vanity part that young Women pretty much all refuse to do. And that’s what costs them their souls.
“I wonder how many more times they have to get burned before they get a clue.”
I’ve been asking that question for 5 years now.
If my ex-wife is any example, the answer is “nevah.”
So Pedat, I got dragged to a boot camp workout by a relative this morning at the crack of dawn. Crazy stuff that pushed me to the limits. I loved and hated it at the same time.
Anyway, there were quite a few women there my age (40+) in excellent shape, with red carpet worthy bodies. There were some chubby young girls but I had to be the most “out of shape” 40-year-old woman there. These women could be easily mistaken for their early 30’s (“Wall? What wall?” is what they would say). Besides me, my SIL, and the wife of the couple who runs the thing, not one was married. Perhaps that was by choice but…
I was reminded again of how crazy the mating scene is for women our age and ethnic group. And they were church going women too!
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You are very correct!
women are attracted to rich men? doesn’t that put women in the status of an inferior? not all women need or want men to ‘ take care’ of us….some of us are self made and have plenty of money……
The wealthier my husband becomes and the more successful he becomes at his career and higher he climbs … the more attractive he becomes to me. It doesn’t make me inferior. My role as a wife is a subordinate role, that doesn’t make “ME” less than. Your statement shows that you don’t understand a complementarian dynamic. You prefer the egalitarian set up, that’s why you see it as an inferior position when a wife is ‘kept’ by her husband. But in reality I’m the power to my husband’s success.