Christian men and husbands generally have the masculinity beaten out of them by the culture and churchianity. Thus, it’s very difficult for men and husbands to learn how to be strong, masculine, Christian man.
I stumbled upon this when I was typing up a response post to someone else. It gives men and women an excellent intuitive understanding of what a man should be in a relationship.
- Don’t be a man… in your relationship.
- Don’t be the man… in your relationship.
- Be THE man… in your relationship.
The punctuation and emphasis matters. It matters a lot. In fact, I bet most of my readers can implicitly understand what the above statement means without even looking at the explanations.
Let me explain anyway.
- If you’re just “a” man in your relationship, there’s no ownership of the relationship. You’re setting yourself adrift in the relationship. There’s no purpose. This, unfortunately, is one of the many factors of why women are serially monogamous (e.g. relationship hoppers). They try to trade up because if there is only “a” man then he is simply a temporary placeholder.
- If you’re trying to be the “man” in the relationship, you’re asking for permission from her to be the “man.” You don’t need permission to be the “man” in the relationship because you are given that position from God. See: Eph 5, Col 3, 1 Cor 11, Tit 2, 1 Pet 3.
- If you know you are THE man, then you know you are the chosen one for the job. There’s confidence, swagger, and ambition. You can take on the world with her by your side. You are the rock and leader of the relationship. You are respected. She is submissive to you. If she steps out of line then you gently call her out on it.
Women don’t want “a” man. Nor do women want the “man.” Women want THE man.
If you desire to be in a relationship, you need to learn how to be THE man. If you are THE man, women will be attracted to you.