Intuitive heuristics: Be THE man

Christian men and husbands generally have the masculinity beaten out of them by the culture and churchianity. Thus, it’s very difficult for men and husbands to learn how to be strong, masculine, Christian man.

I stumbled upon this when I was typing up a response post to someone else. It gives men and women an excellent intuitive understanding of what a man should be in a relationship.

  • Don’t be a man… in your relationship.
  • Don’t be the man… in your relationship.
  • Be THE man… in your relationship.

The punctuation and emphasis matters. It matters a lot. In fact, I bet most of my readers can implicitly understand what the above statement means without even looking at the explanations.

Let me explain anyway.

  1. If you’re just “a” man in your relationship, there’s no ownership of the relationship. You’re setting yourself adrift in the relationship. There’s no purpose. This, unfortunately, is one of the many factors of why women are serially monogamous (e.g. relationship hoppers). They try to trade up because if there is only “a” man then he is simply a temporary  placeholder.
  2. If you’re trying to be the “man” in the relationship, you’re asking for permission from her to be the “man.” You don’t need permission to be the “man” in the relationship because you are given that position from God. See: Eph 5, Col 3, 1 Cor 11, Tit 2, 1 Pet 3.
  3. If you know you are THE man, then you know you are the chosen one for the job. There’s confidence, swagger, and ambition. You can take on the world with her by your side. You are the rock and leader of the relationship. You are respected. She is submissive to you. If she steps out of line then you gently call her out on it.

Women don’t want “a” man. Nor do women want the “man.” Women want THE man.

If you desire to be in a relationship, you need to learn how to be THE man. If you are THE man, women will be attracted to you.

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7 Responses to Intuitive heuristics: Be THE man

  1. donalgraeme says:

    *STAR WARS spoiler warning*

    You can see this same feature- the importance of emphasis- in The Empire Strikes Back.

    When Darth Vader reveals to Luke Skywalker that he is Luke’s father, he doesn’t say it like this:

    “I am your FATHER.”

    Or like this:

    “I AM your father.”

    Rather, it is done like this:

    I am your father.”

    The emphasis is on him, on Vader, on the metal monstrosity that Luke’s father had become. This kept the frame solely on Vader, and gave him the power position in that dialogue.

    When you are THE man, then the frame of the relationship is centered on you. You have the power. And as I’ve argued before, when you have the power, women will be drawn to you like moths to the flame.

  2. Zhuo says:

    Thanks for the post, Deep Strength. It’s morning where I am, so I need time to boot-up and my post will be short.

    But, first question, do you think there is a point where there is too much confidence? I might be confusing “confidence” with “arrogance”, but I read another post where a married Christian man warned younger men not to be “seguristas”, guys who woo a girl so much that they go, “Yeah, she’s DEFINITELY into me.”

    Two, this talk on power, could it not be considered worldly? I have to admit, for me the PSALM/LAMPS model is a good metric for me, but it can see like I would be attracting women with the wrong things. But then again, I’m still thinking about it, so take my comments with a grain of salt.

    Thanks.

  3. @ Donal

    Haha, good analogy.

  4. @ Zhuo

    But, first question, do you think there is a point where there is too much confidence? I might be confusing “confidence” with “arrogance”, but I read another post where a married Christian man warned younger men not to be “seguristas”, guys who woo a girl so much that they go, “Yeah, she’s DEFINITELY into me.”

    Yes, there is a difference between confidence and arrogance.

    If you have to say “Yeah, she’s DEFINITELY into me.” then she’s probably not into you. That’s false confidence. A man who is confident won’t need to emphasize a fact because it’s true: “Yeah, she’s into me.” The former reeks of trying to convince yourself it is true.

    In fact, most confident people don’t need to even *say* or *tell* others they are confident. You just know by the way they act.

    Arrogance is very similar to false confidence.

    Make sense?

    Two, this talk on power, could it not be considered worldly? I have to admit, for me the PSALM/LAMPS model is a good metric for me, but it can see like I would be attracting women with the wrong things. But then again, I’m still thinking about it, so take my comments with a grain of salt.

    These posts are some older ones but will help you understand more.

    https://deepstrength.wordpress.com/2014/06/27/dominion/
    https://deepstrength.wordpress.com/2014/09/12/dominion-part-2/

    Generally, yes, if you’re focusing on attracting women you’re off course.

    Attraction women is only a *part* of taking dominion over your life and the earth. Women are naturally drawn to what God has commanded us to do — take dominion over the earth — due to the way He created us.

  5. SapphireYagami says:

    i like your analogy better

  6. Pingback: Male attractiveness, submission, and female orgasms | Christianity and masculinity

  7. Pingback: guys and men | Christianity and masculinity

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