I believe why James 3 speaks about the tongue is not just because it is easy gone astray. Moreover, language tends to shape who we are.
James 3:1 Let not many of you become teachers, my brethren, knowing that as such we will incur a [a]stricter judgment. 2 For we all stumble in many ways. If anyone does not stumble in [b]what he says, he is a perfect man, able to bridle the whole body as well. 3 Now if we put the bits into the horses’ mouths so that they will obey us, we direct their entire body as well. 4 Look at the ships also, though they are so great and are driven by strong winds, are still directed by a very small rudder wherever the inclination of the pilot desires.
5 So also the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things. See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire! 6 And the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our [c]life, and is set on fire by [d]hell. 7 For every [e]species of beasts and birds, of reptiles and creatures of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by the human [f]race. 8 But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison. 9 With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God; 10 from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be this way. 11 Does a fountain send out from the same opening both [g]fresh and bitter water? 12 Can a fig tree, my brethren, produce olives, or a vine produce figs? Nor can salt water produce [h]fresh.
I’m sure that most of us have grown up around people who put down and discourage people all the time. There’s a so-called “negative vibe” around these people that manifests itself. This is the power of how language is able to shape us. Those who are called worthless all the time will tend to end up believing themselves as worthless eventually.
How language shapes you is not simply from others. How you refer to yourself also shapes what you do. A wife that ‘lets her husband lead’ instead of ‘following his lead’ will continually reinforce that pattern of rebellion in her heart. This is a very difficult trap to get out of, and many times can only be redeemed by the power of God and His salvation.
In any case, the reason why I’m writing about the guy versus man dichotomy is that you will rarely ever hear a man refer to himself as a man now. Guy or guys is somewhat of a more colloquial term, but there is almost a tangible sense of awkwardness or shame associated with referring to yourself as a man if you are one. The phrase “you guys” is almost always used disparagingly as if we’re doing something wrong. This is the background feminist culture that implicitly and explicitly shames men for simply being men and lauds women for simply being women.
My pastor doesn’t really understand this to my knowledge. Every couple months he makes some comments during sermons where he wants more men to come to leadership meetings to be discipled, but no men volunteer even though there are men who could definitely do it. When the feminist current pushes the you to believe you’re worthless, a failure, and not valuable or important, you’ll eventually start believing it unless you innoculate yourself from it with the Scripture, prayer, fasting, and other spiritual disciplines. You wont take the risk. You won’t run head first into leadership positions where you can learn how to lead both men and women in the Church, which is exceedingly useful for learning how to be a head in marriage.
Men need to understand that they’re men. They’re not the guys. They’re not worthless for being men. We lead the Church because God said to in the Scripture. We lead our families because God said to in the Scriptures. We’ve been given these positions for a reason. There’s no shame. We don’t have to ask for permission. We need to be THE man who is focused onto the things of God regardless of if you choose to a Patriarch or Monk.