10 Christian Dating Principles That Could Transform Lives

Shared to me through facebook.

I was oddly surprised by the list as it’s decent, even if still white knighty. Still, the commentary was decent on each point, with solid disclaimers against rule-y legalism that most Christians seem to have toward ‘dating’ or whatever.

1.) Stop looking for “the one.”
2.) Date with a trajectory toward marriage.
3.) Don’t date non-Christians.
4.) Have a list of values and don’t compromise them.
5.) Don’t “shotgun” date.
6.) It’s OK to WANT to get married.
7.) It’s OK NOT to get married.
8.) Have a community of Christians around you … and LISTEN to them.
9.) Pursue a pure mind.
10.) Don’t date if you are dependent on someone for things only God can provide.

Unfortunately, there wasn’t very much Scripture involved in writing this post. And by Scripture I mean a husband and wife knowing what their roles and responsibilities are in marriage and the qualities they should be looking for in the opposite sex, including running a household, sex, and family. Of course, this type of discussion would rapidly devolve into arguing about love, respect, submission, sex, contraception, and other “divisive” issues.

There’s only really the ‘generic’ Christian stuff like don’t date a non-Christian and have a pure mind. I’m not against generally ‘wise’ principles and Christian concepts, but it seems like most self-called Christians like to invent their own stuff at the expensive of overtly heeding the vast wisdom that is already laid out for us in Scripture.

The same is true of “book culture” which is prevalent in Evangelical Christianity (and I’m sure it’s not just limited to that). “Book culture” is the tendency for people to read books about the Bible and interpretations about the Bible and spiritual things instead of reading the Bible itself. There is a reason why I rarely read any ‘spiritual books’ aside from the Bible and classic commentaries on the Bible including the early Church fathers.

It’s easy to be deceived. Like all those books and movies about heaven. And let’s not get started on movies like Fireproof, Courageous, the War Room, and so on. Deception is a very real pitfall when you start devaluing the Word of God, even for other so-called ‘Christian materials.’

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21 Responses to 10 Christian Dating Principles That Could Transform Lives

  1. SnapperTrx says:

    “The same is true of “book culture” which is prevalent in Evangelical Christianity (and I’m sure it’s not just limited to that). “Book culture” is the tendency for people to read books about the Bible and interpretations about the Bible and spiritual things instead of reading the Bible itself.”

    I have been railing on this for a couple of months now. I keep hearing from people about how we need so much more insight into the bible, yet I am to believe the bible stands on its own. It doesn’t need a support guide beyond the Holy Spirit. Were I to drop it in a forgotten jungle and it be found by the one, lone native who could read English it would be all that is needed for him to come to Christ and understand what God loves, hates and expects from us. Pity the concept isn’t so popular in churches, though.

  2. Pingback: 10 Christian Dating Principles That Could Transform Lives – Manosphere.org

  3. @ SnapperTrx

    Yup. At the heart of it, books are just books in the end. They can have good wisdom. But Scripture has power.

    2 Timothy 3:14 But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, 15 and how from infancy you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. 16 All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, 17 so that the servant of God[a] may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

  4. SapphireYagami says:

    this are very basic rules that could basically apply to anyone really.

  5. @ SapphireYagami

    That’s the point.

    For a “Christian” article it didn’t really use much Scripture at all.

  6. SnapperTrx says:

    That’s Facebook Christians for you. I just recently posted on my own blog my frustration at Christians on Facebook posting tons of memes and feel good quotes, then treating it like scripture. It’s getting so bad that I am considering dropping FB altogether just to avoid seeing my family post crap! Memes are not in the bible, and should not be looked to for life advice or encouragement!

  7. donalgraeme says:

    What is interesting is that Catholics, who have a rich tradition of saints to draw upon for help in understanding Scripture and living a Spiritual life, don’t use those resources. At least, not anywhere like Evangelical “book culture.”

    There is a reason why I rarely read any ‘spiritual books’ aside from the Bible and classic commentaries on the Bible including the early Church fathers.

    Glad to see you are reading them DS. Some very good stuff there. Has helped me a lot in developing my faith.

  8. shredifier says:

    *Unfortunately, there wasn’t very much Scripture involved in writing this post*……..I believe the reason for this is because “dating” is not biblical, it’s a western concept that is so ingrained in our society that it is now impossible to untangle and look at it from a biblical standpoint
    Am I against dating??, NOPE, not at all, i just refuse to give it any credence and “Christianize” it, it is what it is in our modern day culture
    The biblical model is to see a woman you desire Deut 21:11, go unto the father and request his daughters hand in marriage, once the father of the daughter has agreed, and she consents to go with you, take her to your tent, have sex with her which signifies and solemnifies the marriage, Genesis 24:67, and begin your lives as a married couple….The women’s wishes were almost irrelevant at this point, and notice here also that the marriage contract was never between a man and a woman, it was between the man and the father of the damsel he wishes to have
    Dating these days has become a pathetic joke, with it all centered around pleasing her, bending to the woman’s wishes, and doing everything in your power to do what ever the woman wants in order to get her to acquiesce to going to bed with you….Not once does the “man” have the opportunity to ask himself whether she is a suitable helpmeet or not, whether she will make him a suitable wife that is pleasing to him, whether she has the same spiritual values as him
    The closest ideal to the biblical model that we have today is the Islamic model, and it disgusts me that our mortal enemies represent the closest ideal to dating/marriage if compared to modern day dating, for as far as i’m concerned 99% of all Christians “date” the western way and not the bible way

  9. SapphireYagami says:

    if the girls father is either dead or not in her life then what?

  10. shredifier says:

    *if the girls father is either dead or not in her life then what?*……Then they will have to decide between the both of them if they want each other, the woman is NOT to be faulted because the decision regarding her potential mate has been taken from her by reason of her father not being around or available, so she is completely free to make the decision herself

    In saying this, even though i advocate the “biblical” model based on the Old Testament, I know that it is next to impossible to enforce, or follow as a realistic model for today’s society, so I don’t insist on it being followed….Too much has changed in our society to even think that the Old system could work, with the advent of feminism, and women insisting they are equal with men, when they clearly are not, the neccessity of both genders needing to work, just in order to make ends meet etc
    Try and tell the average church goer that the reason a man should seek a wife, is 1: to meet his sexual needs, 2: to secure “godly seed” for himself, and 3: to find a helpmeet that will serve HIS needs and wants….a woman is called upon to fit in with a man’s needs, desires, ambitions, plans, and spiritual aspirations, NOT the other way around, but unfortunately that is anathema for the average church goer steeped in worldly ways, feminism, egalitarianism, and marriages being a “partnership”

  11. Don Quixote says:

    Deep Strength:

    1.) Stop looking for “the one.”
    2.) Date with a trajectory toward marriage.
    3.) Don’t date non-Christians.
    4.) Have a list of values and don’t compromise them.
    5.) Don’t “shotgun” date.
    6.) It’s OK to WANT to get married.
    7.) It’s OK NOT to get married.
    8.) Have a community of Christians around you … and LISTEN to them.
    9.) Pursue a pure mind.
    10.) Don’t date if you are dependent on someone for things only God can provide.

    I would suggest that the list would be different for men than women. For guys it should be said
    11.) She must be a virgin.
    Many years ago I discussed this topic with my son. And I just used the criteria given to the Levitical priesthood regarding taking a wife:
    Leviticus 21:13
    ‘He shall take a wife in her virginity. 14 A widow, or a divorced woman, or one who is profaned by harlotry, these he may not take; but rather he is to marry a virgin of his own people.

    I paraphrased it into christianese so he would understand. Firstly I told him to only marry a virgin, because if he married a girl that wasn’t a virgin she would be comparing him to the last guy[s]. Secondly I explained that he should make sure that she believed in Jesus as an alternative to one of his own people. This is because where we live there are many different nationalities and I didn’t want to limit his possible choices. Finding a virgin can be hard enough.

  12. Coastal says:

    Completely with you on ‘Evangelical Book Culture’. I don’t care for devotionals either, it feels like a shallow substitute for a good old fashioned trek through God’s Word. Never mind the fact that some of the more popular ones can range from theologically inaccurate to outright heresy Jesus Calling comes to mind.

    On that note, I’m seeing another disturbing trend where Churchians are looking at every source BUT the bible in order to ‘hear from God’. People are out here looking for all of these signs and confirmations, because ‘the bible isn’t enough’. It can be frustrating when you frequent a church where nearly everyone uses the cliche “God told me…” language to project their feelings.

  13. Chris says:

    “I would suggest that the list would be different for men than women. For guys it should be said
    11.) She must be a virgin.”

    Given the current social climate, the poor guy would probably be looking for quite a while. What if she came to faith after having fornicated?

  14. feeriker says:

    The same is true of “book culture” which is prevalent in Evangelical Christianity (and I’m sure it’s not just limited to that). “Book culture” is the tendency for people to read books about the Bible and interpretations about the Bible and spiritual things instead of reading the Bible itself.

    I’m almost tempted at this point to say that “Book Culture” is Evangelical Christianity. Almost all evangelical doctrine and practice seems to derive from one-off books by popular theologians and authors whose works only tagentially touch on actual Scripture. Why is this?

    Short answer: the typical congregant of an evangelical church tends to be very poorly educated in general and seriously lacking in the fundamental critical thinking skills necessary to process Scriptural texts’ plain meaning. “Book Culture” is a way of making the Bible tasty and digestible for people too spiritually and intellectually immature to eat solid spiritual food.

    TL;DR version: [WHINE]”the Bible is too hard to understand! [/WHINE]

  15. Looking Glass says:

    It strikes me this is a list from which to start thinking about Principles, not them directly.

  16. Don Quixote says:

    Chris says:
    August 17, 2016 at 9:42 am

    Given the current social climate, the poor guy would probably be looking for quite a while. What if she came to faith after having fornicated?

    That’s a good question. Most women who come to Christ these days are already guilty of fornication. Of course they can be forgiven of their sin but it doesn’t make them virgins again. And what has been lost [or thrown away] isn’t restored by receiving Christ.
    So they will have additional difficulties if they get married because they have already bonded with another guy. When they discover how this process unfolds they often divorce their husbands and ruin their children.
    Consider the words of Tamar after she was raped by her half brother: ” So she said to him, “No, indeed! This evil of sending me away is worse than the other that you did to me. She knew that nobody would want to marry her after she was raped because she wasn’t a virgin anymore. The prevailing sentiment was that only a virgin was marriage material. This can be seen in many places in the OT. When the Israeli army took captives they only kept the virgins alive because they could become suitable wives. Many other examples could be found in Bible.
    No virginity?
    No marry.

    So the simple answer to your question is: It is far better to avoid a girl if she is not a virgin. Enter at your own risk.

  17. @ Chris

    Agreed with what Don Quixote said. Personally, I would evaluate it on a case by case basis.

    Some things to look for that may be helpful are:

    1. Hasn’t had sex or intimate contact with a man since becoming a Christian.
    2. Has a purity mindset, but isn’t legalistic about it.
    3. Is respectful and submissive.
    4. Counsels and warns other women about the dangers and consequences of pre-marital sex.
    5. Is sensible and understanding about the topic.

    The biggest red flags come from those who try to argue that the past is the past. If it’s really the past, then your behavior and character would show it. You wouldn’t be bothered about admitting that you made a mistake and repented. You wouldn’t be bothered about using yourself as an example for others.

  18. Pingback: Evangelical culture in a nutshell | Christianity and masculinity

  19. Avraham rosenblum says:

    Though not Christian, I have seen enough to say that I agree with what you are saying here. And I also see the point of that last comment that one needs “the Holy Ghost also”, not just the Bible. In any case that is an amazing essay. Thank you for sharing.

  20. danikimball7 says:

    Hey, as one who loves reading what you refer to as “spiritual books”,I’d just like to share my view point with you. Yes, you are right there are many people out there who replace Scripture with with “Spiritual Books” but that doesn’t make them bad altogether. In a way “Spiritual Books” often are a means with which people are sharing the insight that they have found in scripture. “Spiritual Books” can help us to grow in understanding what the Bible is saying and how we can apply it to our lives. Saying that it is of course important that we study Scripture first and ask Holy Spirit to help us read “Spiritual Books” with Scripture in the forfront of our mind so that we will come out of it understanding the Bible more and not just having a more “Spiritual” mindset on life. It’s great that you read commentaries. It definitely helps with learning to understand what the Bible is actually saying. So many people read the Bible out of context.
    Also, I was curious, what is your viewpoint on movies like Fireproof and courageous, I wasn’t too sure if you were saying you liked them or disapproved of them or not. Let me know!

  21. @ danikimball7

    I agree to an extent. A small extent. Most “spiritual books” are not really about insights on Scripture but have an agenda instead. It’s very hard to find anything without some sort of cultural bias in it.

    Ones that provide pure insight or commentaries are typically better than the rest and worth reading. Same with a lot of the early Church father’s work.

    The Word is living and active and sharper than any two edged sword. It’s generally not a good idea to prioritize other non-living things over reading it.

    Also, all of the movies are terrible.

    Fireproof:

    https://dalrock.wordpress.com/2011/10/30/firebombed/

    Courageous:

    https://dalrock.wordpress.com/2012/05/03/craven/

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