As the mirror of the previous day post women hate sacrifice when it involves suffering, here is the version for men.
Men heap more sin and suffering on themselves by not confronting bad behavior from their wives. They think they can out-work their suffering (e.g. chore play, child care, more responsibilities, etc.). Let’s expand on this.
In light of the views of the necropolis (formerly “churchianity”), many Christians have been deceived into believing that a lack of godliness of the man causes most if not all of the problems in marriage and everywhere. This ranges from:
- the “lack of leadership” of the husband (e.g. any sin of a wife is caused by bad leadership of the husband — if only a husband were more godly).
- the “lack of sexual desire” of the wife toward the husband (e.g. godliness is attractive — if only a husband were more godly).
- the “lack of time” for the wife and husband, especially for sex (e.g. husbands need to help out the wife more — if only a husband were more godly).
- the “lack of respect” and “lack of submission” for the husband (e.g. literally if only a husband were more godly I could respect and submit to him)
- the “lack of responsibility” of the husband (e.g. Fireproof and Courageous and the War Room — husbands are abandoning their wife and children to culture)
- the “lack of [godly] men” in the Church (e.g. where have all the good men gone?)
Galatians 6:1 Brethren, even if [a]anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted. 2 Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ. 3 For if anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. 4 But each one must examine his own work, and then he will have reason for boasting in regard to himself alone, and not in regard to another. 5 For each one will bear his own load.
I’ve talked about this before, but one another’s burdens is “baros” which means something that one person can’t handle whereas bearing his own load is “phortion” which essentially means portion.
If a burden is actually too much for another Christian (usually due to extreme extenuating circumstances like death, accidents, and so on), then we’re supposed to help out other Christians. On the other hand, we each have a phortion or portion of responsibility in life to bear.
In most cases, Christian husbands are indeed trying to lead and doing what they can for the marriage to succeed, but an unreasonable “baros” is heaped on the husband instead of understanding that some of the responsibility within the marriage is the wife’s. The examples above only prove the point. Wives are supposed to be a helpmeet to the husband and instead victimize themselves into being an additional burden.
The sin and suffering of men is that they often don’t call out such bad behavior but instead try to out work their suffering. However, works literally do not work. Just as we are not justified by God through good works, husbands can never “work” their way to grace, attractiveness, sex, and respect, in the eyes of their wives.
Trying to out work suffering is fool’s gold. Standing firm on the Scriptures and calling out bad behaviors so as to identify and help his wife cleanse such behaviors is the real gold. This is the nature of leadership and respect, but is is difficult especially when there is contentiousness and rebellion.