I’ve linked to The Rules Revisited article on feminine beauty is highly controlled a couple of times. I think the premise of the article is good, but it doesn’t accurately quantify beauty all that well.
Donal and other sources have already made a general quantification of what represents male attractiveness in PSALM/LAMPS — power/personality, status, athleticism, looks, money. These traits when broken down into Scriptural terms tend to signify that a man will be a masculine and authoritative and a protector and provider.
If you missed why attractiveness is important, you can refer back to my article about why attractiveness is an important part of marriage in the context of the Scripture.
On the other hand, men are almost 100% attracted to feminine beauty, so I believe it is important to quantify what this means.
Here’s an image from the article (credit to therulesrevisted):
In general, I don’t think quantifying feminine beauty by a scale of “100%” is an accurate indicator.
The 4-5 areas of female beauty
From what I’ve seen and experienced discussing with men, feminine beauty tends to be separated into 4 to maybe 5 distinct categories that all intermingle to form a coherent whole that may be rated on a numerical system.
The main 4 attractive traits are a mishmash of some of the above:
- Age — Straight forward. Men’s optimal preferences via OKCupid study suggest between 20 to 23 is the most physically attractive age to men.
- Face — Structure of the face, eyes, teeth, skin, and so on.
- Body — Legs, hip, butt, breasts, ratios, fitness level, weight, and so on.
- Femininity — Hair, girlishness of clothes (dresses, skirts, etc.), girlishness of demeanor, smiling.
Age and physical beauty are attractive to men because they are cues for fertility and ability to have many and healthy children. See: God’s mandate in Genesis 1 to be fruitful and multiply. Femininity is both part of the dichotomy of masculinity-femininity between the sexes and likely a solid positive mothering cue.
Face and body are pretty straight forward, and different men have different opinions on 6 what they deem as optimal. However, the vast majority of such beauty is relatively objective. Most men will rate a women within 1 point of where she may be at on a 1-10 scale. For example, an “8” might have 50% rate her an 8 whereas maybe 20% would rate her a “7” and another 20% would rate her a “9” and the last 10% may say 6 or 10.
Femininity is slightly convoluted. Hair length and clothing are pretty straight forward feminine aspects. However, girlishness of demeanor is a bit harder to quantify. Sweetness and kindness are related to femininity, but they are not attractive in and of themselves. Part of this “girly demeanor” is how a girl makes a man feel about himself. If she respects him and can make it known either subtly or overtly, it will tend to draw a man in. Seductiveness also plays a role, although how much of that should be used by Christian women is questionable. Additionally, there are some other almost intangible components of a girl demeanor like enthusiasm, bubbly-ness, and innocence that may also be attractive to men. In other words, it may signify that a woman is “untainted” or at least less tainted from the world.
Note that some physical traits like virginity are not in themselves attractive. They are desirable. The same is true of being a Christian and growing in the faith.
The “5th” category seems to be “fetishes” for lack of a better word. I’m not talking solely about sexual fetishes, but men can get zoned in enough that they may rate certain hobbies or activities as attractive to them. We can look no further than gamers where a man may choose an relatively more ‘unattractive’ gamer girl over potential more conventionally attractive options. I’m not sure whether this “tunneling” is related to one-itis, but it may be.
I generally would not include this in a general overall assessment, although it can play a role.
Composite numbers and the “floor” rating
In general, when a man rates a woman it is a composite of all of these factors put together. What happens is that a many will be able to look at a girl and evaluate her with a number in each of the areas. Let’s look at an example of what a man may rate a woman in each of these categories:
- Age — 30, but looks older for her age — 6
- Face — Cute to pretty — 6-7
- Body — Slim figure with voluptuous (.65) waist to hip ratio. Small breasts — 9
- Femininity — Long hair, bubbly and enthusiastic. Has a streak of sarcasm, but smiles a lot — 8
Overall, her “composite” rating would probably be around the 7ish range
Individual ratings may depend heavily on individual preferences a man. For example, a man who likes large breasts may not be rating her a “9” for body but maybe a 7 or 8 instead. Maybe for another man her face is his type so he rates her “8” for face instead. Maybe another man likes his woman looking young, so maybe she’s a 4-5 in age for him. Maybe he likes a bit of sarcasm, so she’s a 10 in personality. Those are things that may affect individual components.
Things that may affect overall grading may be the ‘weighting’ that a man may put on a certain category. For example, a man may have a ‘floor’ on his attraction range where he may not even consider marrying a woman with less than a “5” for face. Even if she had high ratings for age, body, and femininity, it may be hard for him to get past “butterface” even if she was only average. Of course, that’s his prerogative, but it may eliminate some potential candidates.
Some men prefer face and body to be the most important to them while femininity and age are not real big factors. Some men prefer face, body, and femininity and don’t care about age. Some men only care about age and face. Generally, most men will care about all 4 categories to some extent, but it really depends a lot on how heavily a man may weight different factors.
Instead of weighing in on absolute “percentages” for weighting the various criteria, I think it’s better to look at “floors” instead as they give a more meaningful assessment of whether a man may rate a woman attractive enough for him to ask out.
Example of floors
Personally, my “floors” that I was looking for when I was searching for a woman were approximately around these figures. Yes, I was looking for slightly to moderately above average in most categories. Yes, I knew it would be more difficult to find the more picky I was.
- >=5 for age, which is about ~30 years of age or less. I wanted a large family, so the younger the wife the better.
- >=6 for face, which is self explanatory.
- >=7-8 for body, which means she regularly worked out and/or had good genetics.
- >=7 for femininity, which means she has long hair, is above average for bubbly/enthusiastic/innocent, and isn’t too sarcastic and smiles often.
A woman who is 35 or even may meet my requirements (or any man’s requirements) for face, body, and femininity, but he may think she is too old. Likewise, a woman who may be meet the criteria for age, face, and femininity may be up there, but unfortunately she may be overweight or obese which drops her out of the eligible attractive floor of a man.
The overweight/obesity scenario is probably the most common one currently. As I’ve noted in doom and gloom and the amount of attractive Christian virgins, it’s likely that up to 50% of women ages 18-29 are overweight or obese. This is probably the most depressing aspect since dropping weight for women tends to significantly increase her attractiveness for both body and face.
The pointy elbow meme is a pretty common one, but every man has some “floor” to what he is looking for that may disqualify a particular woman from consideration.
This leads us to the controllable nature of feminine beauty.
What is “controllable” is obviously an important factor of a woman modifying her beauty to be more attractive.
- Age — Not controllable. Age is obviously not controllable. This is why it pays for women to be open to approaches and marriage early. Most men outside the ‘sphere tend to be not so focused on age so much unless they want a large family, so this may not play so much of a role.
- Face — Somewhat controllable. Facial genetics are not controllable unfortunately, but most women can boost their beauty by anywhere from 1-3ish points over ‘normal’ if they focus on light makeup, solid grooming, and skincare. This can boost the women in the 4-6 range (which is most women) to the 5-9ish range with most in the 5-7 range most likely. This is huge. Remember, men are in general attracted to the average women, unlike most womens’ attraction to men.
- Body — Mostly controllable. Body genetics do limit some areas like waist to hip ratios and breast size. If you google image ‘fat loss transformation women’, you can see a lot of fat women have the capacity to become at least a 7-8+ with solid diet and exercise. Plus, healthier, more enjoyable sex, and easier to get pregnant. There’s no reason for most women not to put in a lot of effort here.
- Femininity — Fully controllable. God gave us free will, so we can change how we act. From what I’ve seen most women simply do not want to change how they act to increase their percentages. Most women could get themselves to a 7-8+ with some deconditioning from the world. After all, it’s not in the nature of women to be masculine but feminine.
Overall, an “average” woman can increase her beauty in the face, body and femininity categories to a 6-7ish range of face, 7-8+ range for body, and 7-8+ range for femininity.
Here’s the near ubiquitous poster example for weight loss (credit to crissfit.tumblr.com):
As you can see in the above photo, multiple categories improved substantially:
- Age — obviously she got older, but no one could tell from the pictures. If you just isolated the last picture and the first picture, you’d probably guess that 124 lbs was younger than the 197 lbs.
- Face — Maybe a 3 at best in the 197 lbs photo (mostly because of the fat on it) and likely in the 7 +/- 1 range for most men at 124 lbs. The fat goes away from the neck and cheeks, and her cheekbones and facial structure becomes much more feminine. Her skin clears up since obesity is very inflammatory and easily causes skin issues.
- Body — 2-3 in the 197 lbs photo at best and jumps up to a 8 +/- 1 range for most men at 124 lbs. Her waist to hip ratio starts to come in around 140 lbs and is really emphasized at 124 lbs.
- Femininity — Maybe 3 at best for flattering clothing on the top line. Obviously, can’t tell her personality so much, but the way she’s posing is not really feminine either. The clothing on the bottom line is much more feminine and flattering, and by the last photo she’s probably at least 7-8 range for most men. You can even tell she feels much better with her body in the last photo based on her posing.
Based on the location that I’m in (suburbs) and what I’ve talked to with other men, it is very difficult to believe that such a woman wouldn’t have at least some decent prospects, especially if they are willing to be friendly and talk to men. Working out and nutrition are such a huge factor for most women like above though.
A woman can make herself stand out if she takes care of her face, body, and becomes more feminine. She can become somewhat to significantly above average in attractiveness, which will net her increasing prospects. Significant bonus points for starting earlier in age to prepare herself for marriage before her most attractive range of 20-23.
- Age — Christian women need to be educated and prepared from childhood to prioritize marriage if she wants it. If she is prepared to be marriageable by 18 that is ideal, as she will stride into her prime years at 20-23 as an eligible woman for a man who wants to marry.
- Face — Wear light but flattering make up, if necessary. Take care of the skin. Good grooming. Get good sleep to eliminate eye bags and stress. Don’t make it an obsession, but put some time into your appearance. Get the opinion of trustful men and women who will tell you if you’re looking busted or good. Don’t buy into any flattery.
- Body — Workout with high intensity exercises like sprinting, heavier resistance training, and eat healthy with mostly fruits and vegetables and adequate protein. Don’t be overweight or obese. If you need to lose weight, it’s all about a caloric deficit by eliminating excessive empty calories like refined sugars, snacks, and only eating ’til satisfaction and not full. While some men do marry women who are overweight or obese, this tends to be more of the exception and not the norm. Additionally, women who are overweight or obese also tend to marry men who are overweight or obese, so unless a woman wants her man like that I would suggest not being overweight or obese.
- Femininity — Wear flattering (to the waist to hip ratio) but modest clothing. Be feminine in behavior and demeanor. Have longer hair. Eliminate the sarcasm. Laugh at his jokes. Be respectful and follow a man’s lead when on dates. Enthusiastic but not clingly. Running a household is a priority to know. Know the Biblical qualities for how women are to act and do them.
A random average Christian woman — 4-6 attractiveness — who works hard at the controllable factors of facial, bodily and feminine attractiveness can boost their face 1-2 attraction points, and elevate their body and femininity to the 7-8+ range with hard work and effort.
Generally, unless there are no Christian men prospects in an area, a woman who is a 6-7+ face, 7-8+ body and 7-8+ in femininity should have very little difficulty at least getting interest and being asked on dates and for relationships. In the communities I’ve seen, Christian women get asked out with less and mediocre faith.
The real question is… how many women would actually make the effort to put in work to be more attractive for their face, body, and more feminine. Not very many from what I’ve seen. Even less from Christian women.
Comments are appreciated. If I missed anything, comment on it.