A good amount of discussion was had in women don’t really understand male attraction. For the women that actually care about doing something about attracting a man, this post will educate you on that.
Also worth noting is Dalrock’s most recent post that shows old(er) women don’t have the same sexual attractiveness they did when they were in their 20s for quite obvious reasons.
Let’s get down to it.
I’ve linked to The Rules Revisited article on feminine beauty is highly controlled before. The premise of the article is good, but it doesn’t accurately quantify beauty that well.
Donal and other sources have already made a general quantification of what represents male attractiveness in PSALM/LAMPS — power/personality, status, athleticism, looks, money. These traits when broken down into Scriptural terms tend to signify that a man will be a masculine and authoritative and a protector and provider. If you missed why attractiveness is important, you can refer back to my article about why attractiveness is an important part of marriage in the context of the Scripture.
On the other hand, men are almost 100% attracted to feminine beauty. Here is an attempted analysis (Image credit to therulesrevisted):
In general, I don’t think quantifying feminine beauty by a scale of “100%” is an accurate indicator.
The 4-5 areas of female beauty
Feminine beauty tends to be separated into 4 to maybe 5 distinct categories that all intermingle to form a coherent whole. Men can glance at a woman and determine her feminine beauty right away.
The main 4 attractive traits are a mishmash from the above picture:
- Age — Men’s optimal preferences via OKCupid study suggest between 20 to 23 is the most physically attractive age to men.
- Face — Structure of the face, eyes, teeth, skin, and so on.
- Body — Legs, hip, butt, breasts, ratios, fitness level, weight, and so on.
- Femininity — Hair, girlishness of clothes (dresses, skirts, etc.), girlishness of demeanor, smiling.
Age and physical beauty are attractive to men because they are cues for fertility and ability to have many and healthy children. See: God’s mandate in Genesis 1 to be fruitful and multiply. Femininity is both part of the dichotomy of masculinity-femininity between the sexes and likely a solid positive mothering cue.
Face and body are pretty straight forward, and different men have different opinions on 6 what they deem as ideal. However, the vast majority of beauty is relatively objective in facial and body shape, structure, and symmetry. Most men will rate a women within 1 point of where she may be at on a 1-10 scale. For example, an “8” might have 50% rate her an 8 whereas maybe 20% would rate her a “7” and another 20% would rate her a “9” and the last 10% may say 6 or 10.
Femininity is slightly convoluted. Hair length and clothing are straight forward feminine aspects. However, girlishness of demeanor is a bit harder to quantify. Sweetness and kindness are related to femininity, but they are not attractive in and of themselves. Part of “girly demeanor” is how a girl makes a man feel about himself. If she respects him and can make it known either subtly or overtly, it will tend to draw a man in. Seductiveness also plays a role, although how much of that should be used by Christian women is questionable. Additionally, there are some other almost intangible components of a girl demeanor like enthusiasm, bubbly-ness, and innocence that may also be attractive to men. In other words, it may signify that a woman is “untainted” or at least less tainted from the world. Women that are “jaded” by the world are often cynical and this is a huge turn off to men.
Note that some physical traits like virginity are not in themselves attractive. They are desirable. The same is true of being a Christian and growing in the faith.
The “5th” category seems to be “fetishes” for lack of a better word. I’m not talking solely about sexual fetishes, but men can get zoned in enough that they may rate certain hobbies or activities as attractive to them. We can look no further than gamers where a man may choose an relatively more ‘unattractive’ gamer girl over potential more conventionally attractive options. I’m not sure whether this “tunneling” is related to one-itis, but it may be. I generally would not include this in a general overall assessment, although it can play a role.
Composite numbers and the “floor” rating
When a man rates a woman it is a composite of all of these factors put together. Let’s look at an example of what a man may rate a woman in each of these categories:
- Age — 30, but looks older for her age — 6
- Face — Cute to pretty — 6-7
- Body — Slim figure with voluptuous (.65) waist to hip ratio. Small breasts — 9
- Femininity — Long hair, bubbly and enthusiastic. Has a streak of sarcasm, but smiles a lot — 8
Overall, her “composite” rating would probably be around the 7ish range
Individual ratings may depend heavily on individual preferences a man. For example, a man who likes large breasts may not rate a woman a “9” for body but maybe a 7 or 8 instead. Maybe for another man her face is his type so he rates her “8” for face instead. Maybe another man likes his woman looking young, so maybe she’s a 4-5 in age for him. Those are things that may affect individual components.
Some men prefer face and body to be the most important to them while femininity and age are not real big factors. Some men prefer face, body, and femininity and don’t care about age. Some men only care about age and face. Generally, most men will care about all 4 categories to some extent, but it really depends a lot on how heavily a man may weight different factors.
Instead of weighing in on absolute “percentages” for weighting the various criteria, I think it’s better to look at “floors” instead as they give a more meaningful assessment of whether a man may rate a woman attractive enough for him to ask out.
Example of floors
The example of my “floors” that I was looking for can be used as an illustration. Yes, I was looking for slightly to moderately above average in most categories. Yes, I knew it would be more difficult to find the more picky I was.
- >=5 for age, which is about ~30 years of age or less. I wanted a large family, so the younger the wife the better. Around about 30 years old you notice that a woman is starting to lose her youth.
- >=6 for face, which is self explanatory. Objective beauty plus personal preference.
- >=7-8 for body, which means she regularly worked out and/or had good genetics.
- >=7 for femininity, which means she has long hair, is above average for bubbly/enthusiastic/innocent, and isn’t too sarcastic and smiles often.
A woman who is 35 or even may meet my requirements (or any man’s requirements) for face, body, and femininity, but I may think she is too old. Likewise, a woman who may meet the criteria for age, face, and femininity may be up there, but unfortunately she may be overweight or obese which drops her out of the eligible attractive floor of a man.
The overweight/obesity scenario is probably the most common one currently. As I’ve noted in doom and gloom and the amount of attractive Christian virgins, it’s likely that up to 50% of women ages 18-29 are overweight or obese. This is probably the most depressing aspect since dropping weight for women tends to significantly increase her attractiveness for both body and face. The pointy elbow meme notwithstanding, every man has some “floor” to what he is looking for that may disqualify a particular woman from consideration.
What is “controllable” is obviously an important factor of a woman modifying her beauty to be more attractive.
- Age — Not controllable. Age is obviously not controllable. This is why it pays for women to be open to approaches and marriage early. This definitely plays a role to some extent in that the most attractive age range is 20-23, but many men outside the internet don’t mind if a woman is at a higher age. Just know the search will get progressively harder as you get older.
- Face — Somewhat controllable. Facial genetics are not controllable unfortunately, but most women can boost their beauty by anywhere from 1-3ish points over ‘normal’ if they focus on light makeup, solid grooming, and skincare. This can boost the women in the 4-6 range (which is most women) to the 5-8ish range with most in the 5-7 range most likely. This is huge. Remember, men are in general attracted to the average women, unlike most womens’ attraction to men.
- Body — Mostly controllable. Body genetics do limit some areas like waist to hip ratios and breast size. If you google image ‘fat loss transformation women’, you can see a lot of fat women have the capacity to become at least a 7-8+ with solid diet and exercise. Plus, healthier, more enjoyable sex, and easier to get pregnant. There’s no reason for most women not to put in a lot of effort here.
- Femininity — Fully controllable. God gave us free will, so we can change how we act. From what I’ve seen most women simply do not want to change how they act to increase their percentages. Most women could get themselves to a 7-8+ with some deconditioning from the world. After all, it’s not in the nature of women to be masculine but feminine.
Overall, an “average” woman can increase her beauty in the face, body and femininity categories to a 6-7ish range of face, 7-8+ range for body, and 7-8+ range for femininity.
Here’s the near ubiquitous poster example for weight loss (credit to crissfit.tumblr.com):
As you can see in the above photo, multiple categories improved substantially:
- Age — obviously she got older, but no one could tell from the pictures. If you just isolated the last picture and the first picture, you’d probably guess that 124 lbs was younger than the 197 lbs.
- Face — Maybe a 3 at best in the 197 lbs photo (mostly because of the fat on it) and likely in the 7 +/- 1 range for most men at 124 lbs. The fat goes away from the neck and cheeks, and her cheekbones and facial structure becomes much more feminine. Her skin clears up since obesity is very inflammatory and easily causes skin issues.
- Body — 2-3 in the 197 lbs photo at best and jumps up to a 8 +/- 1 range for most men at 124 lbs. Her waist to hip ratio starts to come in around 140 lbs and is really emphasized at 124 lbs.
- Femininity — Maybe 3 at best for flattering clothing on the top line. Obviously, can’t tell her personality so much, but the way she’s posing is not really feminine either. The clothing on the bottom line is much more feminine and flattering, and by the last photo she’s probably at least 7-8 range for most men. You can even tell she feels much better with her body in the last photo based on her posing.
Since the previous post, some of the interesting comments were that most women would rate her going from about a “5” to a “6” at the harshest to maybe a “4” to a “7.” However, what a “woman” would rate these other women doesn’t matter if her goal is to attract a man. What matters is what a man thinks.
If we refer back to the previous picture, why would most men rate her going from about a “3” to a “8” whereas most women would only rate her from going to about a 4-5 to a 6-7. The key to understanding this is curves:
“The real “sexually attractive” part of the 124 lbs picture is the bust to waist to hip ratio that is extremely alluring to men.”
There are very little natural curves when she is 132, but as she drops down to 124 lbs her natural curves become much more pronounced. Although you can argue that her clothing may be slightly immodest, she would still be rated in the 7-8 range with more modest but still feminine and body shape flattering clothing.
- I posted some examples here.
- Hearthie has a blog post on feminine clothing
- Hearthie also linked to her pinterest that has very good examples.
In any case, if you don’t believe me then here are studies. There is TRUTH to the fact that a .7 waist to hip ratio is sexually attractive to men. Pubmed studies include these, which tend to list a “most attractive” range from about .60-.75 waist to hip ratio in women.
We used eye-tracking techniques to measure the numbers of visual fixations, dwell times, and initial fixations made by men who viewed front-posed photographs of the same woman, computer-morphed so as to differ in her WHR (0.7 or 0.9) and breast size (small, medium, or large). Men also rated these images for attractiveness. Results showed that the initial visual fixation (occurring within 200 ms from the start of each 5 s test) involved either the breasts or the waist. Both these body areas received more first fixations than the face or the lower body (pubic area and legs). Men looked more often and for longer at the breasts, irrespective of the WHR of the images. However, men rated images with an hourglass shape and a slim waist (0.7 WHR) as most attractive, irrespective of breast size. These results provide quantitative data on eye movements that occur during male judgments of the attractiveness of female images, and indicate that assessments of the female hourglass figure probably occur very rapidly.
Men immediately know how attractive a woman is by her waist-to-hip ratio and her face, and then tend to spend the rest of the time looking at her boobs (at least from the front). If it was the back it would probably be the butt.
Overall, the point is that the last picture is flattering to her now alluring body shape with feminine and beautiful clothing that emphasizes the figure. At 132 lbs the woman likely has around a .9 waist to hip ratio, but in the 124 lbs picture she has around a .75 waist to hip ratio most likely.
There are a couple of things to note.
While this post is a breakdown of the factors that go into feminine beauty, it takes a man only a few hundredths of a second to a few seconds to look at a woman and give her a number in his head as noted by the study above.
A man does not look at a woman and hyper-analyze how attractive she is like this post. He can look at her at a glance or in a few seconds and know immediately what he thinks of her. However, this post is meant to break down the particular area(s) of how men make the snap judgment about a woman’s feminine beauty, which means they can make a snap judgment about whether he thinks she is worth asking out or not.
This is important because attraction is about getting your foot in the door, while desirable traits such as godliness, kindness, being good with children, being good with cooking and homemaking, and other traits such as these are what will help you keep a man. You need to be attractive enough for a man to ask you out, and you need to be desirable enough to keep a man. Generally, both men and women should strive for excellence in each of these categories.
I know quite a few Christian women that are good catches in terms of desirable traits, but they’re either overweight or obese. Hence, they may get asked out by a man here and there, but they don’t generate much interest in general.
To be frank, sex is a big part of marriage. To get a man to ask you out and want to marry you in general he must want to have sex with you. If you’re not attractive enough for him to want to have sex a lot, then he’s probably not going to ask you out on a date or going to want to have a relationship. The things that make him want to have sex with you are how you look — your physical beauty and femininity.
There’s nothing that can be said to make it more clear than that. Many people can certainly moan and groan about how it shouldn’t be that way, but that’s just whining about how God created man. Last time a checked, complaining was a sin. Accept it and learn to operate within God’s creation and perspective.
A woman can make herself stand out if she takes care of her face, body, and becomes more feminine. She can become somewhat to significantly above average in attractiveness, which will net her increasing prospects. Significant bonus points for starting earlier in age to prepare herself for marriage before her most attractive range of 20-23.
- Age — Educate and prepare Christian girls from childhood to prioritize marriage. If she is prepared to be marriageable by 18 that is ideal, as she will stride into her prime years at 20-23 as an eligible woman for a man who wants to marry.
- Face — Light but flattering make up, if necessary. Take care of the skin. Good grooming. Get good sleep to eliminate eye bags and stress. Don’t make it an obsession, but put some time into your appearance. Get the opinion of trustful men and women who will tell you if you’re looking busted or good. Don’t buy into any flattery.
- Body — Heavier resistance training and eat healthy with mostly fruits and vegetables and adequate protein. Don’t be overweight or obese. If you need to lose weight, it’s all about a caloric deficit by eliminating excessive empty calories like refined sugars, snacks, and only eating ’til satisfaction and not full. Aim to gain leg and glute muscle and have a slim waist to get into the .6 to .75 waist to hip ratio.
- Femininity — Wear flattering (to the waist to hip ratio) but modest clothing. Skirts or dresses that emphasize figure are good. Be feminine in behavior and demeanor. Have longer hair. Eliminate the sarcasm. Laugh at his jokes. Be respectful and follow a man’s lead when on dates. Enthusiastic but not clingly. Running a household is a priority to know. Know the Biblical qualities for how women are to act and do them.
While some men do marry women who are overweight or obese, this tends to be more of the exception and not the norm. Additionally, women who are overweight or obese also tend to marry men who are overweight or obese, so unless a woman wants her man like that I would suggest not being overweight or obese.
A random average Christian woman — 4-6 attractiveness — who works hard at the controllable factors of facial, bodily and feminine attractiveness can boost their face 1-2 attraction points, and elevate their body and femininity to the 7-8+ range with hard work and effort.
Generally, unless there are no Christian men prospects in an area, a woman who is a 6-7+ face, 7-8+ body and 7-8+ in femininity should have very little difficulty at least getting interest and being asked on dates and for relationships. In the communities I’ve seen, Christian women get asked out with less and mediocre faith.
The real question is… how many women would actually make the effort to put in work to be more attractive for their face, body, and more feminine. Not very many from what I’ve seen. Even less from Christian women.