Are Christian guys not taking dating seriously is one of the newer posts making rounds of the old facebook, which unfortunately includes me.
Young Christian men, we have a problem.
It’s a problem that will require all of our courage, confidence and creativity to solve. It’s a problem that affects many of our brothers in Christ—it might even be affecting you. Finally, it’s a problem that’s disappointing many of the young Christian women in our lives.
We aren’t dating them.
This never used to be a problem, gents. My father has many memories of giving the cute girl from youth group a ride home on the handlebars of his bicycle, while my grandfather had something of a reputation for dancing with all the eligible young ladies at Christian fundraisers.
But somewhere among books like I Kissed Dating Goodbye, a lack of relationship role models and trying to navigate the minefield that is modern dating, something changed for our generation. A number of problematic attitudes crept into Christian culture.
So, young Christian men, why aren’t we dating?
1. WE’RE FREAKED OUT ABOUT FINDING OUR SOULMATE.
2. WE TAKE DATING TOO SERIOUSLY.
3. WE’VE GOT THE WRONG STANDARDS.
4. WE FEEL LIKE WE CAN’T DATE OUR FRIENDS.
5. WE’RE STILL DISCERNING.
This post has clearly resonated with a lot of people seeing as how often it has been reposted and seeing it on facebook. However, it still doesn’t mention any of the 3 big elephants in the room that I’ve talked about before.
- Lack of attraction
- Feminization of the Church
- Lack of mentors and discipleship
Everyone knows there is something wrong, but they can’t seem to figure out what it is. This list is more just a superficial poking around of the problem.
Fortunately, a ‘Jimmy Lipton’ in the comments was kind enough to enlighten everyone what was actually happening:
Christian women(white ones mostly) have become very useless, because they have this super perfect version of a man that makes them feel good all the time, never saying the wrong thing. Then they pick some worldly asshole, while they reject the real Godly humble men. These women(girls) play games in church all the time and reject guys constantly, then they hit on the same very few douche bag dudes in church and compete for the say top 10% and wonder why they all feel insecure and cant get a “real man”. They end up settling down for some gay ass hipster boy or Justin Bieber or man-bun douche.
And a ‘Jon Crass’ pointed out what actually happens inside of a Church:
Here’s the 100% HONEST truth from a man’s perspective. You won’t hear this anywhere else. Let’s say a man is part of a church community containing several single women around his age. Chances are pretty good that all of these women know each other and fellowship on a regular basis. Chances are also pretty high that they share stories and gossip with each other. That being said, the man is likely going to be physically attracted to more than one woman in this group at once. But he will be interested in one woman more than the others and will befriend/orbit her. He will not immediately ask her out because he better be 100% sure she will say yes.
Here’s why, the logical reasoning of man:
1) If he asks her out and gets rejected, then all of the girls in the group will learn of the rejection.
2) Once the other girls learn of the rejection, then chances are very high that *none* of them will accept him on a date.
3) At this point, he’s basically cast off as a “low value” male.
4) Asking any other girl of the same group out on a date will make him look desperate and low value.
Given this environment, the man’s strategy is to become friends with the woman he’s interested in and hope that she will become interested in him romantically. He’s going to treat her well, because he likes her a lot. Of course, a relationship doesn’t happen because he’s already in her friendzone.
Even if she does accept him on a date and the relationship doesn’t work out, her church girlfriends would not feel right dating him because “you don’t date your friend’s ex’s”.
As you can see, from the man’s perspective, dating within the church is an incredibly frustrating experience. As a result you see a lot of women not being asked out on dates and wondering whether the modern man is emasculated.
Quite simply, Christian women are very hostile to men when it comes to romantic interest.
Quite the clear perspective.
Still, none of the them addressed the attraction factor or the poor quality of mates to choose from generally speaking. However, most young men aren’t aware that most aren’t marriage material if they look deeply at their value system either.
In conclusion, another article in a long line of ‘feel good sentiment’ that misses the mark with what is actually going on the world. It gets popular because of its feel good message, but it’s lacking in bare bones Truth so it can’t actually address the problems.