In writing plans, a woman attempts to refute Donal’s PSALMs attraction model. For newer readers, PSALM is basically a pneunomic that describes what women are attracted to — power/personality, status, athleticism/talent, looks, money.
This refutation was:
I have not seem PSALM in operation. I’ve seen gorgeous Christian women married to nerdy preachers.
To which I reply:
This proves the point. Preachers are leaders of the congregation; they have high status and authority. Let me know when gorgeous Christian women are marrying the janitors in the Church.
What is the Biblical case for this?
8 Now to the unmarried[a] and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
2 Corinthians 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
What causes us to long or to burn is an attractive man or woman. This is God’s design and He made marriage as the righteous outlet for sex.
Now, why would Paul have to urge the Corinthian believers not to be unequally yoked?
If it was the case that being Christian is enough to be married, then Christian would only naturally marry other Christians. However, we see that this is not the case, and believers still struggle with this today. Why is this?
Logically, Paul is making the inference that Christians also find non-Christians attractive, even attractive enough to be married to them if they’re not believers. This is quite obvious. Christian men find non-Christians women attractive. There are tons of celebrities that are certainly attractive. Likewise, Christian women find many non-Christian men attractive as well. However, these attractive non-believers are ungodly and do not exhibit sound faith and the fruits of the spirit for obvious reasons.
It should be abundantly clear that both Christian and non-Christian men and women do not marry those they do not find attractive in most cases. There are some cases, and from what we’ve seen at least anecdotally these marriages have large issues to work through.
Therefore, it should be clear that attractiveness is an important factor if one wants to get married. I’ve also written about the role that attractiveness signals in marriage. Obviously, it is not the most important factor: adherence to Biblical roles and responsibilities, sound faith, character, and morals are all more important. However, it is an important factor. They are not mutually exclusive; you can be both godly and attractive.
It’s quite disingenuous to ignore attraction when this has so readily been exemplified throughout the Bible and in real life. Abraham’s wife Sarah was so attractive that Abimelech and Pharaoh wanted her for their own. Isaac married a beautiful Rebekah. Jacob favored Rachel. David and Bathsheba (for a sinful example). Song of Songs where Solomon describes his bride, the Shulamite woman, as beautiful all throughout. Even Bathsheba wasn’t immune to David’s position and power. Uriah was one of David’s mighty men, so he had already high status. Yet she chose to be an adulteress because she desired to be David’s wife.
I’m still waiting for those who believe attraction is not important in marriage and that it should not be an important factor to work on for Christian singles who desire to be married to answer this simple statement:
Let me know when the gorgeous Christian women want to marry the church janitor.
I’ll be waiting and so will the other Christian singles who want to be married.