The Question asks on Dalrock’s response to Vox’s immoral response.
Counseling tends to be bad for husbands and fathers nowadays even from the Church. Unless you know of any counselors who actually “tell it like it is” where they would call out a wife for being insufferable, contentious, or rebellious, it’s probably best to avoid “marriage counselors.”
Deterrents of end game
Let’s say that the situation continues to devolve. You have several options, depending on how far you are willing to go. All of these are about laying out the consequences logically and unemotionally.
Divorce is unacceptable. No one will be better off with divorce. Your wife will have a terrible time in the dating market and will be much more unhappy in the long run as a spinster. Only 1/4 of women remarry after divorce, almost none after 30 years old. Your kids’ lives will suffer drastically with increased behavioral issues, violence, promiscuity, etc. Poverty is a very real fact of life.
Find allies from friends and family (if any) to help you during the time. Since you’re trying to save the marriage, always make that clear so they will back you up in the end. If they’re her friends too, then have them parrot similar points that divorce is not good for anyone.
Matthew 18:15 “If your brother sins[k], go and [l]show him his fault [m]in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. 16 But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every [n]fact may be confirmed. 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as [o]a Gentile and [p]a tax collector.
Document to be able to speak the Truth. Given the instruction of Matthew 18, others will be inevitably dragged into it. A man should be prepared to give an account of what happened, regardless of whether others believe it or not. The friends and allies in the first part will help a lot with this.
She will not have the only voice, which is common that only the wife’s account is heard since everyone blames the man. If it devolves into divorce you may consider voicing your account of all you did to try to save the marriage to both your and her friends, family, and the Church.
Women hate when they are painted in a bad light, especially if it’s true. Willingness to give your social circles a truthful account is a huge deterring force.
No one will be enriched off divorce. All marital assets will be burned to fight for custody of the children. You may even go into debt for keeping the family together.
She won’t get 1 cent for destruction of the family and may even have to take on loads of debt.
Willingness to go to jail instead of paying child support and/or alimony.
Acknowledging that you won’t support the unjust practices of the court and enrich lives off divorce. Jail is pretty cushy in the West anyway.
Alternatively, if you get custody of the children, then it may be worth staying out of jail to enrich their lives. Single fatherhood is not as good as a father and mother, but it sure beats leaving the kids to be raised by a single mother.
In general, the main reason why women divorce are because:
- They are unhappy
- They can date or marry again
- They get custody of the children
- They get cash and prizes
- They won’t get blamed and will not be socially ostracized.
The four points above aim to talk about the reality the “benefits” of divorce and how they are false. It will only result in “terrible consequences” and more unhappiness. If it’s gotten to the point where righteousness is not effective for a Christian wife and mother to stay, maybe the consequences will be a wake up call.
I’m sure there’s more, but these are the main righteous options. If anyone can think of more, post them in the comments. I’ll add them to OP.