Seriouslypleasedropit has good post over at Calculated Bravery on some thoughts on sexual polarity. Started writing out a comment, but it got somewhat long so I figured I’d post about it since it’s good. I went a bit off topic one some of the comments as I wanted to provide some extra thoughts on the matter.
– The “ideal” member of the opposite sex, from a purely sexual point of view, will be at maximum sexual polarity. Think Christian Grey and a mix between Audrey Hepburn and Jessica Rabbit.
– Sexual polarity is somewhat controllable. Most advice in the manosphere is oriented towards increasing it—men are advised to do things that increase their confidence, to lift, to put energy into their careers, and women are advised to take care of themselves, dress in a feminine manner, and be supportive.
Agreed. I think it’s best thought of embodiments of masculine and feminine.
– Sexual polarity is, to some extent, a luxury good. That is: just because something is sexy does not mean that it is always a good idea. If you are bent under the sink, you don’t want to be wearing a miniskirt. If you have work to do, maybe those extra hours at the gym could be cut down a bit.
Agreed. Though becoming increasingly necessary have enough options so you’re not stuck with someone with a high risk of frivorce if your aim is to marry.
– Not only do cis characteristics sometimes have to be sacrificed in the name of practicality, but sometimes it even becomes expedient to adopt some behaviors typed to the opposite sex—women pushing harder for raises; men being quiet and supportive of a boss, etc.
– The above explains the “paradox” that in poorer countries there are more women in “typically masculine” professions like engineering. To an extent, the country “can’t afford” sex.
Women in the workforce is nothing really “new” exactly. Even Proverbs 31 describes a woman who runs a business out of her home, and there are numerous women in the Scriptures like Lydia who ran businesses.
We tend to have a false impression about that from western culture where a lot of wives want to or have the ability to stay home as housewives. This requires significant wealth acquisition, and is only really seen in first world countries. Women working, at least part time, or jobs that align with children (such as school teachers) tend to be the norm in most cultures across most times.
Additionally, the main thing with women is that while they may have a “masculine” job, they still like to be a woman or at least “feel” like a woman/wife at home. Even the high powered women in business want to come home to be with a masculine man who makes them feel girly.
– Those of similar polarity attract. Extremely masculine men and extremely feminine women gravitate toward one another. This does not make them superior, more self-actualized beings—a hard-drinking gym rat construction worker and a flaky stripper are both strongly sexually polarized, and could definitely end up together, but you don’t want to be either one.
– That said, the prevailing ethos in the West generally moves people to a lower level of polarity than they “ought” to be—as in, could stand/afford, and would enjoy.
In areas that are war torn like Eastern Europe and Russia post-WW2, you see much more strong sexual polarity. There is violence so the men have a very “hard” edge to them, and the women are competing for smaller pools of men so they have to be very feminine to attract men. Any random tourist to these areas can tell you that — the men are tougher and the women are more attractive.
The West has feminism. Feminism is a luxury delusion.
– There exists a class of situations and goals where, after a certain threshold, exerting extra effort fails to provide returns, and may even be detrimental. Examples include: you need a job to get experience/experience to get a job, confidence to build relationships/relationships to gain confidence, relaxation to achieve success/success to be able to relax, and faith to obey/the fruits of obedience to build faith.
– I’ve basically only come across two ways to break these impasses: either avoid them as unproductive in hopes that they will resolve themselves in time or as we labor in more productive arenas, or try to power through one of the steps despite the “necessity” of the other.
Even inside particular goals such as jobs and experience, there are usually systems in place that one needs to take advantage of in order to build a necessary resume. Volunteer work, internships, networking, and so on.
Some goals align with each other well and some don’t. For the ones that don’t, you have prioritize. No one person can do everything. Elon Musk is a good example.
– “It’s not so much that I’m shallow (although I am of course),” I thought. “It’s that I view the attractiveness of the woman I can attract as society’s opinion on me.”
– “Oh,” I thought. “Women must feel the same.”
Beauty is not shallow as God created man to behold beauty as sexually attractive. But if you’re weighing beauty as a measure of self esteem by society, then I suppose it’s shallow in the fact that it has become an idol. I don’t think anyone is immune to thoughts like that though; most men are proud to walk around if they perceive themselves to have a beautiful wife.
Both men and women do want to maximize, to some extent, the sexual attractiveness of someone they want to marry or be with. The issue is that most people, even Christians, hold beauty up over character and godliness. Ideally, you want both, but there is usually some sort of compromise there unless you’re blessed to be born with good looks genetics and/or are called to or work hard to be in a high status occupation. That or you are mega rich.
The fact that we are even having such a conversation about sexual dynamics is so far outside most of civilizations in human history. But then again most civilizations had children who had both their parents and were taught a family trade.