The failure of game redux

This is my last post on this subject because I have finally figured it all out.

A few prior reading materials that helped me put together all the dots.

Dalrock’s couple of posts:

And finally Cane’s comment from the second post:

Game was intriguing because it is literally the anitithesis of chivalry. I knew that wasn’t the answer, and I could find the faults of Game, but I couldn’t put my finger on the thing itself. My blog posts on Game are testament to that…and to the confusion I caused others who thought I was for Game, but yet denying it. Rather: I was anti-chivalry, but not wise enough to know it. It’s in my posts about Eros, the unfair weights used to measure men against women, and many other of the pieces. I was attacking chivalry, but couldn’t quite see that it was chivalry.

Some of that was also due to half-ass knowledge on my part. I knew enough to know that the original code upon which courtly love was attached had nothing to do with romantic love. But I wasn’t knowledgeable enough about its development to wisely write about the topic of chivalry. There’s evidence of my folly in my older posts too.

And now I see that so-called “Married Game” is an attempt at synthesis of the thesis Chivalry (the last several hundred years of Christian marriage) and the antithesis Game. It’s doomed to failure.

[To be continued later]

To expand on this, the contention that game is anti-chivalry is slightly misleading in my opinion (and I think Larry of Fabius maximus gets that wrong). Game annuls much of the symptoms of chivalry and feminism, but not the cause or results.

Thus, it is most accurate to say:

  • Feminism and chivalry are like an infected wound
  • Game is like a pain killer
  • Biblical marriage is antibiotics

Pain killers essentially help you ignore an infected wound because it doesn’t hurt anymore, but the infected wound still exists. The true antidote is acceptance of biblical marriage.

To put this another way, or in spiritual terms:

  • Feminism and chivalry are idolization of a woman’s feelings, attraction, emotions, and/or expectations.
  • Game placates these temporarily by distracting her from idolizing herself and from trying to get you to idolize her as well.
  • Acceptance of biblical marriage is the only antidote.

Game is seductive because it decreases the pain inflicted on a husband via psychological assault, but it does not fix the actual problem: the rebellion against God and His Scripture. The antidote to an infected wound (feminism, chivalry) is acceptance of biblical marriage, which requires repentance and rejection of the aforementioned idols.

To understand this, some of the stances of game are as follows according to Chateau (in Wayne’s post) in order:

  • To get defensive, upset or angry
  • To promptly try to make her jealous
  • To tease her (e.g. Agree and Amplify, Amused Mastery, Asking pointed, realistic questions, Probing and dissecting her mind, Dread)
  • To ignore her

The first two will almost always outcome with negative results, as they are contrary to the the fruits of the Spirit and follow a wife’s lead. The second two are generally what game proponents recommend. The latter two tend to take control of the situation by reversing her attempts to make you placate (e.g. idolize) her, but they don’t actually aim to fix the problem which is to point out her disrespect and bad behavior and call her to repentance.

One commenter almost gets it, if you are not married:

it’s painful to read this post. not because it is written poorly, or because it relates to a personal experience.

it’s painful because no man (or woman) should ever tolerate that kind of behavior in a partner. there is no antidote or way to mitigate being treated that way.

if they disrespect you so much that they do any of those things, then you need to just turn around and walk away for good.

A woman/wife that you have to continually “play games” with is already operating from a stance of rebellion. Rather than play games, the true goal would be to call her out for her rebellion and encourage repentance. This is one of the blind spots of husbands in marriages with wives that are rebellious. Game does work to cover up the pain of the continued psychologicalfr assault, but it does nothing to address the actual rebellion that constantly continues.

The commenter gets it wrong in that you need to walk away for good. The thing is that when you have a girlfriend or wife, even if they’re the most sweet, humble, and respectful wife ever, they will still end up sinning. No man and no woman is perfect. The key is to actually be able to point out and teach a woman/wife why behavior is disrespectful and sinful and call her to repentance. You want a girlfriend and subsequently wife that responds to this call.

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church [q]in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;

That’s what sacrificial love actually means: stepping into the conflict to pull her toward sanctification. So Adam listened to the voice of his wife, husbands also have the same choice to go along with it or call her to sanctification and repentance of bad behavior or disrespect. If you always walk away, you will never learn to do this.

This is not to say that men should take on any woman who wants to be in a relationship to fix them. A woman who continually ignores calls for repentance and sanctification is a poor choice for a wife. You want a wife who is going to follow you toward Christ, even if you have to sometimes bring her kicking and screaming. However, it should get better over time as she becomes more sanctified — she will build habits of good behavior and eschew bad behavior.

Finally, the latter part of Cane’s post is the correct mindset to operate from:

Looking back now at my own life, what I did when I decided to neither produce, nor put up with, anymore nonsense was to reject chivalric notions. I didn’t think of it in those terms though. At the time I prayed angrily and desperately, “Alright God: I’ll do it your way and by the book, Smart Guy! Whatever happens is on you! I’ll be sacrificial and loving no matter what she does, but I will also expect to be obeyed, and I will say so! I will be gentle, but never quit my expectations. I will stop trying to get her agreement, and settle for her obedience, even when she is bitter about it.” Best thing I ever did. God’s way held up even though I sometimes slipped up and tried to change her mind instead of seek her submission (it confuses them, and prompts them to rebel), or failed to remain cheerful when she sometimes chafed.

I’ve told that story before, but before these last few posts I did not understand that what I threw out of my life was chivalry.

The reason why game fails in the end is that it doesn’t obey God. It doesn’t reflect the fruits of the Spirit. It will never bring a wife to repentance. It dances around and covers up the actual issues present within the relationship or marriage. It operates from a state of judgment of bad behavior instead of seeking repentance through kindness.

Romans 2:1 Therefore you have no excuse, [a]everyone of you who passes judgment, for in that which you judge another, you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things. 2 And we know that the judgment of God [b]rightly falls upon those who practice such things. 3 But do you suppose this, O man, [c]when you pass judgment on those who practice such things and do the same yourself, that you will escape the judgment of God? 4 Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?

Game is much like many Christian conservatives attachment to chivalry and complementarism. It hides the actual issue of rebellion with a “feel good” alternative. In this case, the “feel good” is making it seem like you have a good relationship instead of doing it God’s way.

Never thought I’d make that analogy like that, but it fits. The only difference is that chivalry and complementarism capitulate to the culture while game does not. All of them nudge you in the wrong direction.

This is the end of the road for game. My eyes have been fully opened, and it is not good.

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12 Responses to The failure of game redux

  1. earl says:

    How ironic you came to this on the very feast day of St. George who was highlighted because of chivalry. However back then it was a means to combat evil…not to placate it.

    http://thepropertyofjesus.blogspot.com/2017/05/saint-george-and-code-of-chivalry.html

  2. Lex et iustitia says:

    Funny how we suffer evil when we stray from god’s word. Game and chivalry are equivalent to overbearing power and abdication (respectively)albeit game is more temporary in nature (and is exhausting to carry out long term). It’s also highly manipulative, and not conducive to anything but sowing bad seeds in an Ltr.

    I’ve been reflecting on the remnant church a lot lately. This is chronicled in … 2 chronicles, where Judah is separated from Israel, and is discussed throughout the NT. Game and chivalry are worldly responses. We are not to follow either. Pursue the godly way.

  3. Ame says:

    Excellent. Excellent. It is by God’s Holy Word we must hold ourselves and not anything else. Those who try to make Jesus ‘mild’ by saying He washed the disciples’ feet don’t understand that He washed their feet from a position of solid strength and power and ruler-ship and not weakness or submission. God loves us with His Strength and Power and by firmly maintaining and remaining who He is, not by molding in any way or form to who we are or to what we are doing/behaving/thinking/etc.

    Snapper once asked what it was that made those of us wives, who do so, to honor and respect our husbands … and i answered that it’s because i fear God more than man, and God commanded me to, therefore i do. a husband who brings his wife into submission and repentance under the authority of God moves his wife towards honoring him and Him.

    A woman/wife that you have to continually “play games” with is already operating from a stance of rebellion. Rather than play games, the true goal would be to call her out for her rebellion and encourage repentance.

    yes. for those who are already married to a rebellious wife, this may very well take many years. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:12. Prayer is where the battle is fought.

    they will still end up sinning. No man and no woman is perfect. The key is to actually be able to point out and teach a woman/wife why behavior is disrespectful and sinful and call her to repentance. You want a girlfriend and subsequently wife that responds to this call.

    yes. oh, yes. all.the.time we sin. it’s not that we sin, it’s what we do about it … it’s whether or not we’re teachable and pliable in the hands of Almighty God … and when married, that often comes through the authority of our husbands. (yes, sin is sin … but consequences to different sins are NOT equal).

    A woman who continually ignores calls for repentance and sanctification is a poor choice for a wife. You want a wife who is going to follow you toward Christ, even if you have to sometimes bring her kicking and screaming. However, it should get better over time as she becomes more sanctified — she will build habits of good behavior and eschew bad behavior.

    i love this … ‘kicking and screaming’ 😉 … i’ve had my moments over the years 😉 … however, good habits and a pure heart equal good behavior. over time one would hope and expect that there would be fewer and fewer times of rebellion.

    “I’ll be sacrificial and loving no matter what she does, but I will also expect to be obeyed, and I will say so! I will be gentle, but never quit my expectations. I will stop trying to get her agreement, and settle for her obedience, even when she is bitter about it.”

    and i cannot tell you how much of a RELIEF this is for women … a man who is firm and unmoving and unwavering and unemotional about it all … a man who can stand firm amidst the hormonal/emotional swings and sways and roller coasters of a woman … we NEED that like we need oxygen.

  4. Pingback: What To Do When A Girl Tries To Make You Jealous | Σ Frame

  5. There’s an interesting effect laid upon all of the topics at hand (Feminism, Chivalry & Game). Each takes a much more basic concept and has attempted to mythological-ize it.

    Feminism is simply an attempt to philosophize female sin nature.A philosophy of extremely petty sin. Chivalry was, at one time, a knight’s code (similar to many codes & laws of war) that was mixed with other concepts (notably Courtly Love) to produce something that actually ended centuries ago, but left a certain level of social effects. “Game” exists as a marker of specific interpersonal attraction & conflict resolution skills turned into an “enjoy the decline” way of life.

    All three thus act as descriptors that actually hide the true nature of the “thing” being described. (Which is a classic issue with any post-Enlightenment discourse.)

    As to the core advice, we’re back to my description of most of this in terms of Order. That’s not an accident, as that’s the nature of following Christ. “If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” John 14:15 ESV. To keep the Lord’s commandments is to enforce the Lord’s Order upon your life, and that will impact all of the ways you interact with all of your relationships.

    The crux is of the issue that Cane was having is that Feminism, Chivalry & Game act has semi-understandable “poles” within the discussion frame, which radically limits the ability to hone into the problem. This is why the undermining of language has been so important, as the inability to properly define a topic makes it fiendishly difficult to explain the problems with it. For the Christian, we are to *be* different, which should result in us acting different. This entire long discussion has simply been sorting through the definition issue, thus opening our eyes to the truth.

    The other interrelated aspect is that “enforcing Order” always comes with a cost, and it’s normally upfront, with the benefits being on the backend. It’s like any other set of choices about the way you live your life that has long-term benefit: upfront cost, long-term payout. But the later you leave paying the cost, the bigger it becomes. That’s the part most people don’t want to deal with.

  6. An observer says:

    Good work. Very much in agreement with you that the more rebellion that is present, the more game would normally be prescribed. This treats the woman as having only the capacity to respond, or limited moral agency if you will (a wholly other topic).

    The woman has to choose to go against the cultural progamming, and make a choice to accept her husbands leadership. This is not easy, but it game overrides that choice by manipulating their responsiveness in the desired way.

    I would note that a husbands response to a rebellious wife is not to leave, but to instruct that she has the option to do so,should she choose to. Either she accepts his leadership or she can depart. Unfortunately our feminised court system awards such rebellious behaviour with the familiar cash and prizes, especially when children are involved. Giving men automatic custody would ameliorate that, that I’m getting off track.

    “My eyes have been fully opened, and it is not good.”

    You are neither the first, nor the last, to experience that unpleasant revelation. Once the truth is unfolded, it seeps into everything, and all can look black. Feminised sermons, culturally Marxist teaching, ridiculous workplace policies, past experiences can all acquire new meaning and it can be a significant struggle to incorporate an altered world-view and new understanding that involves deep change.

    Some years back you may recall I was deeply unhappy by the revelations that red pill truth were opening up. At the time I think it was you that correctly pointed out that assimilating red pill truth takes time and is hard. Absolutely so, but it can be done.

    Be encouraged brother.

  7. Lost Patrol says:

    This post is most excellent food for thought. I am struck by this quote:

    “The true antidote is acceptance of biblical marriage.”

    This would probably meet with widespread agreement, but is also where the train usually comes off the tracks. Where is the place, what is the venue, among whom is true acceptance of biblical marriage found? I’m not saying it’s not out there somewhere, only that I have not found it, and that “biblical marriage” means quite different things to various Christian religious groups; even though they are ostensibly operating from the same scriptures.

    “Everything in war is very simple. But the simplest thing is difficult.” – Carl von Clausewitz

  8. @ earl

    St George seems to purported a different version of chivalry than the romantic love (of which that was only 1 out of 3 parts) of chivalry during the 1200-1300s. Although hard to tell.

  9. earl says:

    Romantic love chivalry I would reject.

    Sacrifical love chivalry…(which means combatting her rebellious ways due to the serpent)…will sometimes produce bad feels. But you hope in the long run it leads to her santification and holiness.

  10. White says:

    The “pain killer” Game-Chivalry comparison is the misleading one. The point is that Game exposes the fraud of Chivalry in a way that Biblical Marriage does not. So while Biblical marriage remains the solution, so does Game remain the nemesis of Chivalry (and not necessarily just a band-aid)

  11. @ White

    While game is anti-chivalry, biblical marriage is also anti-chivalry.

    See Dalrock’s posts up in this thread. Chivalry exalts romantic love as the justification for sex, but biblical marriage is the the justification for sex.

  12. Pingback: On the Spiritual Significance and Social Value of Game | Σ Frame

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