Doug Wilson is operating from false premises in his most recent post on the economics of sexual purity.
One of the things that radical feminists got right, and which doe-eyed romantics got wrong, is the fact that sex within marriage is manifestly an economic institution. But they then went on to wreck this insight by saying that this made marriage a glorified form of prostitution, when they should actually have made the connection in the opposite direction—pointing out that prostitution is of course a grotesque parody of marriage.
“They indeed will tell you that their researches have proved that if two things are similar, the fair one is always a copy of the foul one” (The Pilgrim’s Regress, p. 67).
In the meantime, the doe-eyed romantics have resolutely insisted that marriage is about “true love” only, and that to bring any economic considerations to bear on a subject like this makes it all seem pretty tawdry, and more to the point, a little bit sad. They don’t like “mercenaries” talking about love. It anchors everything right in the middle of real life, and the wrong kind of romantic can only take real life in small doses.
Doug is wrong here. Feminists got it wrong, and romantics got it wrong.
It’s good that he can see romantics got it wrong, but much of his conclusions elsewhere (e.g. wifely happiness being the measure of a husband’s godliness) betrays that conclusion. This has been discussed elsewhere, so I’m not going to go over that again.
What does the Scripture say about sex in marriage:
1 Cor 7:2 But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. 3 The husband must [a]fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and [b]come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 But this I say by way of concession, not of command.
The husband and wife owe each other sex. In other word, it’s a marital debt. That which is owed cannot be used as a bargaining chip for exchange because you do not retain the rights to use it the way you want. If you have a mortgage or loan debt, banks would laugh you out of their establishment if you tried to bargain or make an exchange with the monthly payment you owe them.
Any form of “exchange” in marriage is prostitution. Love, sex, respect, submission, etc are all commanded by God to be given without reservation, even if a husband or wife is acting poorly. Wives are commanded to obey their husband in all things (Eph 5), and even if their husbands are not believers they should win them with submission, a gentle and quiet spirit, and chaste and respectful behavior (1 Pet 3). Husbands are commanded to love their wives as Christ loved the Church: unconditionally (Eph 5).
This is again works and desire. We obey God’s commands because we desire to follow Him. If we start placing conditions on God’s commands, we fail to follow them and enter into a marital prostitution by holding the husband or the wife hostage to our demands lest we won’t give them what they are owed.
Marriages are not businesses and do not operate on exchanges.
Aside from Wilson’s mistake, there’s one other point you should take away from this. If you ever find yourself agreeing with feminists, then you had better take a deep long hard spiritual look at why you’re agreeing with them because they’re never spiritually on God’s side. They always aim to destroy marriages through wifely rebellion.
- The amount of attraction Christian virgins is likely low for both men and women.
- Women also view porn, so it’s not just a “male” problem.
In the survey, 31 percent of the women said they watched porn every week, another 30 percent said they did so a few times a month and 10 percent of respondents gets a daily fix. Modern technology is a major factor: 90 percent of respondents said they watch porn on the internet, preferably on their smartphone (62 percent) or laptop (53 percent).
- This is not counting women’s porn: romance novels
Despite being pooh-poohed as lowbrow literature for middle-aged women, romance novels comprised nearly one-third — 29 percent — of the 2015 fiction market. In 2013, romance novel sales exceeded $1 billion, according to Romance Writers of America. There are even entire bookstores devoted to romance novels!
Romance is a genre about women, by women and pored over by women — 84 percent of readers are female, according to Romance Writers of America. It’s a $1 billion industry, and 35 percent of romance book buyers have been reading them for 20 years or more, according to RWA.
And don’t forget all of those Christian women who were out buying 50 shades of grey.